ee eee ee ee ae eee ee ee ee ee RPGS «did = EGER GAinMeNG Kali Thurber, A&E Editor Note to readers: If you get caught stealing zines, I am in no way responsible for your terrible and illegal behaviour. Please burn this page once you read it. Buy Nothing Day has more take-offs than Madonna and New Kids on the Block put together (slight exaggeration for emphasis), such as Buy Everything Day, Vomit Something Day, and the oh-so- anarchist, Steal Something Day. The object of Steal Something Day is made clear by its title, so, I decided, what better thing to steal than the very epitome of anarchy itself. The zine. Zine:.An inexpensively produced, self-published, underground publication. Zines are basically any short magazine, consisting of pretty much any subject mat- ter, structure, and genre that the producer chooses. True zine culture is mostly run by dirty punks who stomp along the street chanting to themselves, “punk, not funk,” but hey, the majority of every scene is dom- inated by losers with no real drive for the cause, so don’t let them turn your back on zines forever. Zines can be witty, little shorts suitable for a bus tide, disgustingly graphic horrors not suitable for other publications, or captivating and fresh commen- tary on current culture. Zines can also be full of a lot of boring and poorly written hogwash, but that’s what you get for reading self-published works. So here are three zines, all under $5, specially selected for your Buy Nothing/Steal Something Day reading. Infiltration: Stadia The zine about going places you’re not supposed to go. As the inside cover tells us, “Infiltration is published occasionally,” out of Toronto, and is full of stories about people sneaking into various locations that we common folk aren’t allowed into, All issues have a theme location (previous issues have been about hos- pitals, trains, and warehouses) and tell stories about the elaborate schemes some people have acted out to get into these places for free. Issue 24 gives accounts of some ventures into stadiums and the events that unfold once inside. Though much of the writing is so straightforward that it can sometimes be dull, learning the sneaky tricks these brave souls have mastered to get Hovember § au/aoou on the inside is interesting and educational. One such story, “Under the Road Again,” tells about a couple of kids who were intrigued by a rumour of interconnected, underground tunnels, who managed to make their way up into a stadium where Willie Nelson was playing. Imagine the surprise of the Willie Nelson crowd when two kids covered in sewer grime climbed out of the basement, and into the concert. Another article gives complete descriptions on how to cheat your way into a monster-truck show. And, of course, pictures accompany all stories as proof of the experience. Though mildly entertaining, Stadia is only a zine to read if you actually plan on sneaking into some illegal territory, since the small amount of humour is limited mostly to those in the know. PEN ee Stephen Moron Presents Two Stories: Castle of the Robots and The Dumb Animals This zine stands at the top of the zine price pyramid, at $5; though considering that neither of the short stories is actually complete, one wonders why Stephen Moron expects readers to pay at all. The first one, “Castle of the Robots,” is in the Gothic-romance genre, and fol- lows the character of Otto, a middle-aged man who’s being haunted by his phantom middle finger. The back- story of how Otto lost his middle finger (in a drunken haze, his father bit off and swallowed it) was, however, more interesting than the actual plot that was played out. Otto goes to a castle with the hope to be cured of his phantom finger, and a series of gruesome and rather confusing events occur. Though the idea of a phantom finger is sure to haunt readers as much as Otto, when- ever it seems the climax is about to unfold, Moron grabs us out of the action, either skipping ahead sever- al chapters or asking readers what they think of the story so far. This level of unprofessional writing makes me want to say, “Thanks for trying, Moron, but no thanks.” The second story in this booklet, “The bent) Animals,” suffers from the same problem. It’s about a man who “killed a person without realizing it, then was killed by another person without really realizing it, then came to some realization of things in heaven.” I really question why a writer, who presumably wants people to read his story, would sum up the plot in the first page, but it’s a stylistic decision that I will let Moron get away with...this time. The protagonist in “The Dumb Animals” is a man who claims he cannot use or make sense of words, so when he “accidentally” kills an irri- tating man in a steamy sauna, he doesn’t comprehend what he’s done. This was actually very entertaining, despite the fact that it was extremely hard to believe. The repetition of the phrase “You dumb piece of shit fucker fucking” really helped me get into the story, but then Moron ends the whole thing with an unfinished sentence and absolutely no pay off. By the time I got there, I realized why the writer called himself Stephen Moron; it’s not just his name, it’s the truth. Lil Natas: The Official Champions of Hell Comic strip At a young age, Lil’ Natas was stolen from his mother, raised by the hand of Satan, and condemned to eternal life, so the comics in this zine mostly concentrate on Lil’ Natas ripping people, and other un-dead, to shreds. Occasionally Lil’ Natas rebels against his satanic upbringing and tries to save the world, but that too eventually ends in bloodbath after bloodbath. Robin Thompson, the writer and artist of the strip, gives us a satisfying vision of hell with his gruesome illustrations of various demons and monsters. But for Lil’ Natas, life in hell is similar to any kid’s life, when liv- ing under their parent’s wrath. He gets grounded when Satan finds his secret stash of Awake magazines, and his soul is taken away from him when he rants about the rape of his independent thought. But Lil’ Natas is a real trooper, and just keeps on trucking, trying to save the world, and then finishing off by going on rampant killing sprees. What a cute kid. /