humour / 22

Rambunctious puppy ruins next
Christmas for everyone

» Post-Christmas chaos at the North Pole linked to retribution for lost squeaky toy

theotherpress.ca

Allie Davison
Columnist

ormally at the North

Pole, the days following
Christmas are filled with
relaxation and Yuletide cheer.
In the early days of January,
Santa’s elves should have been
getting back to their day-to-
day lives, and slowly starting
to get ready for next year’s
toy-production schedule.
Unfortunately, because of one
unhappy puppy, preparations
are set back by months.

An as-of-yet unnamed
brown beagle hybrid puppy
reportedly traveled 5,000 km
across bodies of water, frozen
tundra and vast mountains
in order to reach the jolly
village that Santa calls home.
Although the exact reason for
the rampage that followed
remains slightly unclear,
analysts believe there was a
specific squeaky toy missing
from the pile under the
Christmas tree.

“It was madness, pure
madness,’ one of Santa’s little
helpers recalls. “I was just

sitting at my bench, starting up
whittling a little toy train when :

: she tore the roof right off the

: workshop! I can’t remember

: much after that—a reindeer

: trampled me and I think I lost
: consciousness.”

Thankfully no one was

killed in the attack, but four

: elves have been airlifted to the
: nearest hospital, and a number
: of reindeer are still missing.

“Well, those reindeer are

: mighty jumpy. And with all
the ruckus that happened, I’m
: not surprised they headed for
: the hills like they did. We’re

: just lucky their flying dust

: had worn off, otherwise we'd

: be looking for them on the
moon!”

As for the fate of the

: rampaging hound? After

: destroying the workshop,

: chewing on Santa’s sleigh, and
: destroying Mrs. Claus’ kitchen,
: the puppy turned around and

: headed back to civilization.

: She was last seen diving into

: the Pacific Ocean, presumably
: on her way home. The Clauses
: have yet to comment on the

: situation, and while it remains
: unknown if they will be

: pressing charges, someone

: has definitely made next

Christmas’ naughty list.

 

Irresponsible child lets bedbugs bite

» Six-year-old defies parents’ order, ends up having ‘bad night’

Brad McLeod

child was awoken late last
on his back after he foolishly
bedbugs despite being warned

Joey Foreman, who is
nearly six-and-a-half and
really should know better, is
now having to deal with the
repercussions of his actions
according to his disappointed
parents.

“We tell him every night
to not let the bedbugs bite and
he never listens,” his mother
Sheryl told the Peak. “Maybe
now he'll think twice before
ignoring us and just sleeping
carefree and happily.”

Sheryl explained that Joey
had continually let his guard
down at night, going to sleep
without taking proper safety

: precautions and, asa result,
: : was bitten by the bugs.
Contributor (The :
: were just kidding or something,
: he'd always just laugh and

: say ‘goodnight’ instead of

ight with significant sores : agreeing to ward them off”

“T think he thought we

: she continued. “He got lucky

allowed himself to be bitten by : for the first couple years that

tedl + to let them bit : we didn’t have much of an
Tepeatedly NOE fo tet me DIC. > infestation problem, but now

: he’s facing reality.

“He’s got to know that part

: of growing up is conquering

: bedbugs and not just letting

: them crawl all over you and

: then take as many bites as they
: want to.”

While Joey might have

: believed that the sores were

: enough of a punishment,

: his parents say they are also

: banning TV fora week to teach
: hima strict lesson for not doing
: as he was told.

In response, Joey has issued

: the public statement that “It’s
: not fair.”