humour // no. 22 theotherpress.ca

The war on
Christmas: Part II

» The atheists arrive
: on Holiday hill. Explosive dreidel bursts

Chandler Walter : ring out through the air, but for the most 4 =I
Humour Editor : part it has become a war of attrition. We umour Eaitor
[ humour@theotherpress.ca : . Shumour@tneotherpress.ca
: come to defend the right of the Red Cup,
e normally don’t meddle in the : and we do not plan on taking any prisoners.
Worn of... holidays. We sit in : The enemy spots us, and regroups to

: form ranks against ours. They best us in
: number, but there is one thing we have

other month. We atheists take no part ; on our side that they have never faced:
: trolls. From every basement dungeon

in the wars of Christmas. Usually. : and b
This year was different. This December : @7°€VSTY YouTube comments page

changed everything, It all started with we rallied them. Dull they may be, but
my morning coffee. We delighted in : they know how to fight viciously. We

the red Starbucks cups, and laughed as uneasy tne hordes into the hin, peart
anger took those around us. “It’s just a ; oF the C tistmas army, watching them
cup” we told them. Oh how wrong we : being torn to pieces by the cutting words
were, That cup sparked the wheels of war: and unsound arguments of the trolls.

that would consume us all, Christians, We watch some ways back as the battle

Jewish people, and atheists alike. rages, though the tide turns against us.
And now we march. We march into : The armies of Hanukkah and Christmas

the snowy battlefield of the North Pole : have joined into an uneasy alliance,

armed to the teeth with logical fallacies and : knowing that any holiday at all is better

keyboard blades. Some agnostics rallied to than none. They smash through our lines,
our cause, though many remained in their : and flank us with their superior numbers.
basements, caring not for the troubles of Bodies of trolls and snowmen lock
religions. Before us lies a war that has been: combat, elves fight with tooth and
waged for ages. Behind us, our loved ones, : nail. Dreidel bursts are everywhere. .
unsure which holiday (or lack thereof) There is no turning back now. There is no
will emerge victorious, which god (or : god to save us. Waves of chaos convulse

lack thereof) to pray to for our safety. : around meas a sea before a storm, and
The elves and snowmen have the ; one wave comes crashing down upon

. : measa horn sounds in the distance.
remaining army of Hanukkah surrounded — : casa horn sounds e distance

our homes and our Starbucks, living
through December as if it were any

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Te on Ko Co by Josh Visser,

Contributor

Image via thinkstock