issue 09 / volume 41

humour // 23

‘But what if I like rotting vegetables in my trash?’

» Grouchy person decries new organic food disposal rules

Sharon Miki
Humour Editor
humour
@theotherpress.ca

M etro Vancouver's new
organic food waste

disposal regulations have come

 

under scrutiny by naysayers who

disagree with the concept of
waste reduction.

“T’ve been living off of a
healthy diet of total garbage
for more than 40 years now,”
said pro-garbage lobbyist
Oscar le Grouch. “Now the city
wants to tamper things, take

organics right out of my diet? It’s :

inhumane!”
The region’s organics

disposal ban requires businesses:

and residents to separate their
food scraps from their regular
garbage. Slow-decomposing
food waste builds up in landfills
and contributes to methane
production, which leads to
dangerous greenhouse gas
production. The theory behind
the ban is that reducing

: quantities of food waste in

: the landfill may curb methane
: creation in the city—something : Global warming? I really enjoy
: the le Grouch is staunchly

rE}
*
="
a
I

i

 

“Bah—what’s so bad with

: : tropical garbage heap!”
: alittle extra greenhouse gas? :

: According to le Grouch,
: residents should be more

: concerned about potential
gross-out factors than they

: the extra heat in the winter.
: Makes me feel like we're ina

: should be about air pollution.

‘Just stuff everything into a

) : black plastic bag, people,” said le
_ } Grouch. “Why worry about the

: mess? Remember: out of sight

: equals out of mind, and if it’s

: out of mind, you don’t need to

: worry about it!”

Environmentalists, however,

: counter le Grouch’s authority on
j : the issue:

“He’s just a cranky garbage

: monster who's worried that

: he'll have to go farther to get

: his compost fix. Well too bad,

: le Grouch! We all have to make
: sacrifices to get what we want!
: I cycle an extra 30 minutes to

: get to the really good farmer’s

: market every Sunday, and you
: don’t hear me complaining,”

: shouted eco-conscious citizen,
_} Fran Muppet.

“T love trash,” countered le

Grouch.

The organic waste disposal

: rules have been in effect since
: January 1 of this year, and

: officials will begin enforcing

: fines for excessive food waste
: starting on July 1.

 

Disney princesses can be role models, too...

Sharon Miki
Humour Editor
humour
@theotherpress.ca

 

 

Jasmine as Amelia Earhart, the first woman to fly across the Atlantic without a magic carpet.

Photo Illustration by Joel McCarthy