issue 25 // volume 42

 

   

George R. R. Martin
admits he hasn't
actually started yet

> ‘Winds of Winter’ is only three
words long

Chandler Walter
Humour Editor

 

[ what had many A Song
of Ice and Fire and Game of
Thrones fans were shocked
last week when fantasy novel
writer George R. R. Martin
admitted that he hadn’t

quite started the book yet.

A Song of Ice and Fire is
a fantasy series that has been
in progress since 1996, and
though its writer, Martin, has
taken his time releasing each
volume, no one could have
believed the five-year break
that the writer would take after
releasing the latest volume, A
Dance with Dragons.

“I'm furious,” said long-
time fan Ed Spark. “I mean I
get that he takes his time and
doesn’t like writing under a
deadline, but come on!”

This is a low blow to fans
of the fantasy series as well
as the TV series based on the
books, Game of Thrones, as
Martin had been scheduled to
finish the next volume of the
series before the sixth season
of the show came out in late
April of this year. The writer
posted on his blog early in
2016, explaining that the novel
would not be finished in time
for that release date, though
many fans had taken that as
a sign that he had at least put
something down on paper.

Joe Smow, a follower
of both the books and the
TV show, found himself in
quite the situation after the
announcement: “I don’t even
know what I’m going to do.
Usually I like to read what the
plot is before seeing it in the

show; that way I can tell all my
friends what would happen
before it happened. I lost most
of my viewing party after the
Red Wedding, but it was worth
it to feel superior to them in
knowledge. Now what am I
supposed to do!?”

Similar to his style earlier
in the year, Martin dropped
the bomb on his fans in a blog
post, explaining that there
has been no progress in his
fictional world other than the
few chapters he has released
online.

“Haven't even started
WoW (that’s Winds of Winter,
not World of Warcraft, you
nerds). But I promise I totally
mean to get around to it at
some point!”

When asked about the
pages he had already released
during an interview, Martin
elaborated. “I-I’m honestly
not even sure if those are
going to be in the final
version,” Martin admitted. “I
was feeling pressured, okay!?
You try writing a series of
novels featuring hundreds of
characters, and knowing that
at the end you have to brutally
murder literally all of them!
Oops, okay, you didn’t hear
me say that. This is all off the
record.”

Martin plans on starting
Winds of Winter right after
he finishes binge watching
the first five Game of Thrones
season in preparation for
season Six.

“Oh man I love that show,
he said. “And it’s great too,
because whatever they come
up with, I can just kinda write
it down, and there ya go, best
seller!”

2

Photo by Nick Briggs via Wikimedia

humour // no. 23

China to pay for NASCAR subsidy
according to Trump campaign

> Trump says he will get China to pay by getting money from them

Shea O’Grady
Contributor

 

n addition to the wall that the

Trump campaign promised to
build (and have Mexico finance)
along America’s southern border,
he will also be seeking funding
from other countries, for other
American necessities.

Trump announced during
his speech on super Tuesday that
if elected president he intends to
pressure China into providing an
annual subsidy to the National
Association of Stock Car Auto
Racing, or NASCAR as it is more
commonly known.

In his speech, Trump laid
blame on China for recent
economic downturns felt
throughout the United States.
“We're gonna do a lot of things,
good things, they're gonna
be great, we’re gonna deal
with China, we're gonna make
America great, NASCAR is great
(applause) and so China is going
to pay for NASCAR,” he said.

The statements were met
with uproarious applause and
support from the Trump base,
and attendees of the rally were
brought to tears by the joyous
news.

It is not at all clear how
Trump will convince either
foreign nation to fund his
initiatives, yet it still resulted
ina five point jump for the
Trumpster.

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer discussed
the move shortly after its

announcement with a panel of
expert political strategists.

The consensus among
the panelists was that this was
a smart move for the Trump
campaign, a campaign that has
clearly conducted thorough

research on its base. CNN anchor

Anderson Cooper added to the
conversation by suggesting that
this tactic may be used again by
Trump.

When asked about these
rumours, Trump confirmed
Cooper's suspicions by issuing a
statement:

“You know these Russian
guys... they think they’re pretty
tough, so I say...if they’re so
tough why don't they prove it by
giving me $100 million to make
improvements to the WWE
franchise? Wouldn't ya like that?

ie

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5
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5
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3
52
3
3
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s
>
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—

 

How’s that for foreign policy?”
This move again is likely to
increase support for the Trump
base.

Although these moves are
not without some puzzling
concern, strategists on the CNN
panel made note that this move
will not likely move Trump
away from his already dedicated
base. Research shows that
Trump already has WWE and
NASCAR fans in his pocket, so
this move cannot be said to help
Trump gain new ground on his
campaign.

From here, the campaign
will have to make some strategic
moves towards the centre of the
political spectrum if it is to defeat
the democratic nominee, though
Trump is confident that “those
hippies will come around.”

 

 

 

 

by David Manky,
Senior Columnist

f JH pod