The ‘Other’ News

China wins Caucasus Mountains in G20 poker game

By Liam Britten

ensions were high at the close of the

G20 summit in Pittsburgh last Friday,

when Russian President Dmitry
Medvedev lost the entire Caucasus region of
his country to Chinese President Hu Jintao
during a friendly poker game.

Although the game of Texas hold ‘em
started off friendly enough, Medvedev
reportedly became increasingly agitated and
irritated after losing to Jintao repeatedly
over the course of several rounds. The
Russian president reportedly began using
foul language and offering ridiculous
wagers to his Chinese counterpart, far above
the 20 ruble stakes agreed to at the start of
the match.

Finally, Medvedev raised Jintao the
oil-rich Caucasus region and Jintao called
by wagering Taiwan.

“This international poker game may
be the shrewdest negotiating that Jintao
has ever accomplished,” said professional
poker player Daniel Negreanu. “Medvedev
accepted the call based on China’s claim
of authority over the breakaway republic,
despite have not actually controlled the
island since 1949. The Central Committee
will be enamoured by Jintao’s quick-
thinking, I’m sure.”

After declaring himself all-in,
Medvedev was horrified to watch as his
pocket fours were beaten by three jacks
for Jintao, both coming off of the flop. An

 

excited Jintao immediately began drafting a
treaty ceding the large region to the People’s
Republic.

However, while the poker game may
seem to have finalized the transfer of
territory, Russian authorities are challenging
the game’s legitimacy. They are claiming
that the Joker was still in the deck, and are
investigating whether or not Jintao’s dealing
of the cards was done in the right order.

However, the Chinese are saying that
the game was legitimate, citing a precedent
set by the Anglo-Irish Treaty of 1922, which
gave the Republic of Ireland independence
based on a game of backgammon.

Regardless of how the appeals are
played out, the blunder has cost Medvedev a
great deal of popularity and good will.

“Obviously, with the changers
territorially to Russia in the wake of the
Cold War, the rise of the CIS and Chechen
independence movement, this sort of
monumental shift in national fortunes will
be very traumatic for a country that has
changed so much over the past 20 years,”
said Dr. Chandra Muzaffar of Harvard
University’s Center for International
Studies. “And besides, who goes all in on
pocket fours? That’s just stupid.”

Russia has announced plans to win
back the Caucasus Mountains on a dice
game at the next meeting of the Economic
and Social Commission for Asia and the
Pacific with Siberia up for grabs.

 

    
 

18

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Continued on pg 21.....

   

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