#DOUGLIFE

Ace intimacy

» Intimacy doesn't ha

Rebecca Peterson
Staff Writer

hen people think of

intimacy, often the
corresponding image is a
sexual one. However, this
doesn’t account for the very real
experiences of people who don't
experience sexual attraction,
who are sex-repulsed, or who
are simply choosing to remain
abstinent. If you identify as
asexual, or if you're dating
someone who chooses not to
have sex, here’s a list of intimate
activities for you and your
partner to enjoy!

1. Massage

sexual, or things would get
awkward every time someone
goes to visit their chiropractor.
It can, however, be incredibly
intimate, because youre doing
something that makes your
partner feel good, and listening
to their guidance to help your
hands relieve their achy and
tired muscles. Depending on
your level of comfort, massages
can range from the classic full-
body deal to a simple shoulder
rub at the end of the day. Even
just playing with your partner’s
hair while watching a movie
can show how much you care
for them—and honestly, who
doesn’t love having their hair
played with?

2. Music sharing

was with a musician. We both

music, and writing music, and
while our relationship never

dating, I had some incredibly
intimate moments with him
that had nothing to do with sex.

 
  

ve to be sexual

: We would take turns picking

: pieces of music that we wanted

: to show each other, usually from
: YouTube, ranging from classical
: to electronica. Then we would

: lie back on his bed and just

: listen, beginning to end. Sharing
: your favourite music with your

E partner is not unlike showing

: part of your soul—often our

: favourite songs tell more about

: ourselves than words ever could.

3. Body paint
No, I'm not talking about

: the edible body paint you can
: buy from Victoria’s Secret

: around this time of year. I saw
: apost online last year where

: an artist used his girlfriend’s
Massages are not inherently :

back as a canvas to paint a

: beautiful watercolour sunset,

: and all I could think of was

: how incredibly intimate an

: experience that would have been
: for both of them. It worships

: your partner’s body, and can

: translate into a sexual experience
: ora nonsexual experience,

: depending. Even just doodling

: some flowers on your partner’s

: arm, ora little happy stick figure
: on their hand, shows them that

: you care for them, and gives

: them something cute to look at

: for the rest of the day.

4. Journal sharing
Especially good for couples

on the go who don't have a lot of
: time to spend together, having

: a journal you can trade back

: and forth gives your partner a
One of my past relationships :

window into your thoughts. You

: can put in little doodles, poems,
loved listening to music, playing :

stories about your day—even

: what you had for lunch if you're
: so inclined. Getting to read
really went anywhere past casual :

someone else’s journal is always

: a fun experience, and you can
: even comment on what your
: partner’s written with sticky

: notes. This also creates a piece of
: memorabilia that you can keep
: for years.

5. Reading out loud
Imagine this: a dark room,

: candles lit, hot chocolate in

: hand, and curling up with your

: partner and a good book. Maybe
: it’s poetry, or maybe you just

: want to reread Harry Potter for

: the five thousandth time. Having
: a story performed for you or

: performing one for someone else
: creates a world you can both step
: into together.

6. Plain ol’ cuddling
Two years ago I worked a

night job that started at 1 p.m.

: and ended at 7 a.m. I would say
: goodnight to my girlfriend of the
: time and head off to work, and

: eight hours later I would come

: home exhausted. There’s no

: real way to climb into bed with

: someone without waking them
: up, but she didn’t mind. Both

: half-asleep and a little delirious,
: we'd curl up together and talk—
: sometimes for a few minutes

: before passing out, sometimes

: for hours. It was always

: something to look forward

: to during long nights spent

: working for minimum wage. It’s
: human instinct for most people
: to seek contact and warmth, and
: whether your relationship is a

: sexual one or not, not having to
: sleep alone isa perk.

Intimacy is an incredibly

: subjective experience for every

: person and every couple. What

: might be considered intimate

: for some, won't be as personal

: for others. The best way to build
: any kind of relationship is to

: communicate with your partner,
: discuss your needs as well as

: theirs, and find your own kind of
: intimacy in the middle ground.

Art by Natasha Farnsworth via boredpanda.com

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To sex, or not to sex,
that 1s the question

» Cognitive benefits to sex and abstinence

Josh Visser
Columnist

TE very happily in the midst of
a relationship—not to sound
like a braggart, by any means.
Before I met my girlfriend I was
lost, blundering through what
my social circle enthusiastically
refers to as the “Sahara Desert
of Dry-Streaks.” Unbeknownst
to all of us, these polar opposite
periods of time served a similar
higher purpose—they both
promoted brain growth.

Sex, or the climax of, is a great
de-stresser. Diligent study on the
effects of the female orgasm has
been going on for nearly three
decades at Rutgers University.
Scientists there noted the female
orgasm “lights up” nearly 30
areas of a woman’s brain on an
fMRI. This means nutrients
are being served out to parts of
your grey matter that typically
go without stimulus and use.
Other mentally strenuous activity
(puzzles, memory games, playing
music, doing art projects) only
focus on concentrated parts of
the brain. So, sex isn’t just good
exercise. A study conducted
out of the University of Seoul
identified a similar trend. Their
major discovery was that sex
improves mental performance by
fueling the development of new
neurons in your hippocampus
(where long term memories are
stored) through neurogenesis.
Lack of sexual activity has been
linked to decline in cognitive
function for those in their middle
to late years, and identified as
a catalyst for mental illness.

Conversely, there is little

: scientific evidence backing

: my claim that abstinence also

: promotes brain growth. But I've
: watched Seinfeld. I'm a believer.

: And thus, I had to take a more

> inductive look into this section

: of the article. Art Jones, a former
: porn addict and avid masturbator
: turned leader of a new social

: revolution—the “NoFap.’ He is

: the head of Reddit’s community
: of “fapstronauts,” and his article
: on the benefits of refraining from
: orgasm entirely can be summed
: with one word; diligence. He

: claimed to touch himself often

: more than ten times a day, and

: he would often find himself

: having to leave public settings

: in order to relieve himself. His

: addiction became detrimental

: to his social situation, and he

: decided to make a change. It

: was this lifestyle switch that

: made all the difference. He

: found himself other, more

: proactive outlets for his time

: and energy, and decided he was
: better off without any sexual

: arousal in his life whatsoever.

Not to say swearing off sex or

: masturbation will make you more

: intelligent. But maybe, just maybe,
: using those 10 minutes on some

: other activity will do you some

: good. Alternatively it has also

: been proven spending 20 fewer

: minutes on your French lesson

: and using it get to know someone

: (or yourself) a bit more intimately
: will provide satisfaction on both

: physical and mental levels.

: Sometimes you just got to shake

: things up and try something new.