March 31, 1993 by Nora Gillis Abuse: physical, mental, sexual, emotional. Does any woman reach adulthood without experiencing some form of it? If you view sexism itself as abusive, then the answer is ‘no’. Any woman who makes it to ad in our racist, sexist, het male-dominated sog of abuse és Pya\»rG 5 physical and emotteng with beauty, eating dis hatred, sexism tow# oppresses, degrades and batte: womendo Q enresultfrom lack of choices and cure is sometimes disease. Starving ouftse our feelings with drugs.a - addictions, making ourselves ill— these just create more problems in our lives. Healing is about letting go of coping mi isms that no longer work for us, and learning ones that do. Healing is about nurturing ourselves, and empowering ourselves. Ihavebeen workingonmyown healing for over three years now. That might seem likea long time, but consider that I’m in my 30's and you'll realize that I have over three decades of oppression and abuse to heal from. I believe that I’ll probably be doing healing work, to some By Tanya Boudier Over the past few years, the issue of eradicating gender specific language has been in the forefront in the movement towards eliminating sexual discrimination. This recent focus on gender specific language is a red herring that deludes us into believing wecanchange discrimination by changing words. Communication is important in addressing this complex problem: however, words are notdiscriminatory in themselves. I believe that once we attain a deeper understanding of discrimination, theim: weplace on gender specific language will fade. The basis of sexual discrimination stems not from language, but from our cultural viewsofmenand women. This recent focus on terminology is counterproductive becauseitdrawsour attention away from the underlying factors which create the problem. Just as a magician’s slight of hand tricks the audience into accepting something that is not true, the stress that has placed on eradicating gender specific terms deceives us into believing that weareaddressing serious issues. Meanwhile, other issues such as sexual harassment, unequal working conditions and society’s unrealistic expectations of beauty are lowered in priority when we center our attention around language.On a superficial level, using: ificterms doesdeal with discrimination, butit also grantsa false security by leading people to believe wordsare the underlying factor. ifyi so thatit only includes non-gender words is an degree, for the rest of my life. Recovery is a journey, not a destination. It’s been an incredible journey so far,andI wouldn’thave madeitto this point without the help and support of some pretty incredible women. Some are professional C ellors, some are not. All are survivors who believe life should be ethan justsurviving, and that we ea sai and ea’ fie to thrive. A@ril Steele is one as trained as a natural hi therapeutic touch and vist work. ' She came across art the e doing. her own heali t oing with survivors of Art therapy is a usefu dealing with childhood isgifes. moreabout therapy thanab It is primarily spontane@t aesthetics aren’t important. “It’s such a good way to access unconscious material,” says April. “If you’re dealing with severe childhood trauma, feelings that may be too overwhelming to experience directly can be put into the art and viewed from a safe distance.” April uses her feminist perspective in counselling women. She believes one can’t do therapy in avacuum;wemustlookattheculture we live in. “The women’s movement has been very empowering for me. People say that as a therapist you can’t be political: I say I can’t not be ineffective method of res ing to discrimination. eae ler specific language was eliminated today, and a law passed that forced everyone into using new _ terminology, discrimination would still exist in much the same _ way. Discrimination has emerged from our cultural views of men and women. It is not derived from language. A more effective approach would be to re-direct our energy towards educating ourselves aboutour cultural views. Learning to question and evaluate the valiai ity of these views are the first ete — in confronting discrimination. Once we have an insight into the basis on which sexual discrimination is built, we will be more able to eliminate it. Languageisa tool whosemain purpose is communication. Words, the building blocks of language, remain meaningless until we, as a culture, define them. Words such as freshman or alderman only become discriminatory when we choose to regard them as such. The words themselves are not synonymous with man but take on their own separate meanings which are applicable to both sexes. Byeliminating gender: terms, we also add to the complexity of Thenew terms introduced to be vague and often awkward to use. For example, the word freshperson in __ the Other Press Healing Ourselves and Each Other political.” ThereisanotherwomanI would like to mention here, for her caring work with sufferers of eating disorders, and for her enormous influence on me. Her name was Becky Gillis and she was my mother. She died 3 years ago, but her legacy endures in how I feel about myself as a woman and as ght me from an early m, homophobia and gis of hatred. o-human. Atage48, shereturned tocollege. Ghe eventually got a degree from w..careér. She spent the next 10 ears Working at St. Paul’s Hospital, here an interest in treating women with eating disorders became a passion. She helped a great many women, not the least of whom was me. She died just months after I beganmy oa work. Every time we spoke, she told me how proud she wasofmefor having the‘c to heal’. I only wish she were alive today to see how far I’ve come. She used to quote Joseph Campbell to me: “What is it that makes you happy? Stay with it no matter what people tell you. This is what I call ‘following your bliss.” I've done a lot of ee these past years. And I’m learning how to follow my bliss, with the help of the women. who.are my guides, my partners in healing—my sisters. As April says, “Sisterhood is powerful.” Too Much Talk About Language It's time we focused on the real issue-- discrimination lieu of freshman is less fluent. As a writer, I find oS unnecessarily lessens clarity. Language is meant to be s — et to accurately d world around us; removing “gender specific” words goes against language's intended purpose. Sexual discriminationisaserious issue that undoubtedly needs addressing, Gender specific language and the recent focus on eliminating its usage takes attention away from this important issue. Through education and understanding our cultural views of men and women, we will be able to make discrimination non-existent, in waysmere words willnotaccomplish. 10. Be creative. 9, Value sex education: aspects of it. 8. Use a condom/denté 7. Respect all those are your girlfriend, boyfrie people involved in ho and heterosexual relati 6. Understand that sex power trip. 5. Love (or even like) t you're with. 4. Real adults don't ha with children. 3. No means no. 2. No means no. 1. No means no. Do y understand? Breaking The Silence- One Woman's Personal Abortion Story For I have been active in thecampaign for therightsofwomen to have free, abortions. Ot cid pe tee y chanted “ni pape, ni judge, ni conjiont, c‘est aux femmes de decider” through the streets of Montreal. I rejoiced with thousands in Toronto outside the Morgentaler clinic whenabortion was struck from the Criminal Code. My stand on the abortion issue was derived in part from the belief that women have the right tocontrol their ctive lives. It was also basedon the practical understandi of women’s desperate, often fa attempts to make themselves “regular.” Womenhavebeen killing themselves for centuries. Until a few months ago, I had successfully avoided a dreaded unwanted pregnancy. Butin June, I was confronted with the “choice.” Formanyreasons, both and practical, I chose to terminate the The ales made merealize the profound silence that surrounds abortion. Itis one thing to talk about whether or not one agrees with “choice”. It is quite another to talk about the experience itself. I found that the more I discussed my own experience; the tremendousrelief, the sadness, the ing guilt,themore ~ I heard voices of women who felt as Idid. Butlike me, they had no forum to allow the necessary healing to happen. In the informal discussions among women who have had abortions, we are beginning to understand what the experience means and how to integrate it into our lives. In public, though, the It struck me while at a meeting ofstudents whowere trying todecide whether to endorse a pro-choice latform, that I had been silenced. Thceswere womnceiacidraariandices ete their church, their parents, their friends think of abortion. I wanted to get up and explain to everyone what it meant to me to be abletoexercisechoice but! was frozen in my seat. How many people would have judged, even indicted me for my actions? How many women in that room had had abortions and were silenced by the atmosphere that was tainted with the assumption that — abortionis nota studentissue? How many of us felt unsafe in a room full ofour peers? The personalis political butpoliticsis slow togivethe personal a public space in any real way. This is not simply a pro-choice tirade. It is an attempt to point out that there existsasilencefrom women who have the information and the ience that could contribute ina substantial way txthesbortiondebse. Being decidedly pro-choice does not make abortion an easy decision, nor does the fact thatitis nolongerillegal mean that society, or even our peers, will not judge us as immoral. With abortion weneednol facedeath or a criminal recourd, but we live in silence in a community that is intolerant of our choice. In solidarity with thousands of women, I remain anonymous.