Tt has been seclid this week that the DSU will once again have their funds held by the col-
lege in light of a failure to address their accounting woes. In addition there is apparently some
debate as to who actually won the elections and should compose the DSU. In times like this _
there are some who will call for calm, political vigilance, and a value driven pursuit of a return
to responsible administration of student funds. However, there are also some, like me, who
will = for reckless, violent, power-hungry tebellion against our failed student union.

*ve been watching the news lately and I believe that, through the lessons I have learned
ocs Thai general Sonthi Boonyaratglin, my compattiots at the Other Press and I can lead the
| perfect coup.
| The first step in any good coup is gaining control of the media. Thankfully, we are the
' media! All we need to do is cleanse the surrounding area of any other newspapers which may

nating the newspaper boxes outside the college, as well as those at New West station. While
some will miss Metro and 24hrs., most will be glad to trade off stories about Lindsay Lohan
crashing her cat and Belinda Stronach snogging with Tie Domi, for stories which provide
political and ethical clarity in this time of unrest. Unfortunately, some of the handy-dandy
newspaper hander-outers that hang around the Skytrain stations will have to be “disappeared.”
After all, you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.

es,” Kyanka admits, i
d BS: ee
Despite having initial respect ‘plies their sparring session, habe: adds
own criticism. As a boxer with more ee than - _ con-

pn Saturday night and said aloud, ‘Ah, here is my real challenger. See you in
year, yah?” Burgess recalls, “But then he backed out.”

“IT saw how he acted in the ring, his general demeanour,” SS said,
‘Boll was just looking to hurt someone. He’s an angry, — child. He’s a
bully and he needs to be taught a lesson.”

| Clearly, this story is far from over, as Uwe Boll has more movies coming
p, which will likely mean more criticism if his track record remains consis-
ent. Whether Boll finally accepts Burgess’ challenge also remains to be

0 ul p.. lain W. Reeve, Commissar of me mrormation and Education

I deliver confusing or devious messages to the citizens of Douglas College. This will mean elimi-

  

Next, we will have to cteate a coalition of able and willing soldiers ready to sacrifice t
wat, will storm ‘the psu building, and place its members under house atrest. Our experic
running a newspaper for 30 years (with no significant accounting mishaps) will allow us t
quickly balance the books, re-appropriate the withheld funds, and then move toward new
ocratic elections. At this time we will likely give up a certain reasonable percentage of ou:
absolute power.

Eventually, we will be able to restore the college’s smooth-sailing relationship with the
before these times of economic mismanagement, allegations of fraud, and lack of Other
enlightenment. It is unfortunate that this is the only path we may follow to a better stude

society, but it seems the only reasonable course of action.

I suppose it would also be possible for the students to band together, demand new el
tions, and show up in a significant percentage to elect a group of people who are compel
and capable of actually operating a student union. Actually no, scratch that, we know no
willing to take time out of their busy schedule of reading about Lindsay Lohan’s latest ak
induced grope-fest to learn about the people that manage hundreds of thousands of doll
student money. Let the coup begin!