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¢ Halloween costume pulled for cultural
insensitivity

¢ Politicians distracted from climate

J LY C) catastrophe
a ..and more!

Vancouverite Harry Potter delighted
to find cupboard under stairs to rent

> ‘And it’s only $1,200 a month!’

 

Bex Peterson
Editor-in-Chief

 

ocal wizard and Boy Who

Lived Harry Potter expressed
his excitement this week at finally
finding a place to rent within the
Metro Vancouver area.

“Tt’s within an hour’s walking
distance of a SkyTrain, there’s a
run-down bodega two blocks away,
and a creek down the road where I
can do my laundry,” gushed Potter
on Facebook this week. “It’s a great
communal house, super community-
oriented, there’s about 18 of us in here
and I still get my own room!”

The room in question is a
repurposed cupboard under a flight
of stairs that has been fitted with a
fold-up camping cot, with one shelf
left up for storage. The house itself
is a’7os two-storey home with an
unfinished basement, with all the

original features and appliances. —s

“Yeah, so, the oven immediately
catches fire when you turn it on,”
said Potter’s roommate Ron Weasley,
whose four brothers and one sister

hall (a living room with a curtain
taped up across the archway). “But we
take the batteries out of the smoke
alarm whenever we use it, and we've
gotten really good at timing how long
a frozen pizza needs to cook over an
open flame, so when we're done we
just pop the food out and blast it with
the fire extinguisher. It’s a really good
system once you get the hang of it.”

UBC grad student Hermione Granger
also lives in the house, balancing her
schoolwork with a full-time career as a lab
tech assistant as well as two side hustles to
make rent every month.

“Tm still getting deeper and deeper in

share a “bedroom” off the entrance )
fo

vy

in here and I still get my own room

   

It’s a great communal house, super
community-oriented, there's about 18 of us

yp

Image via LifeLoveandLiterature.com

 

—Harry Potter, local wizard and
Boy Who Lived

debt, but I’m trying to stay optimistic,”
said Granger, conducting her interview
with the Other Press as she delivered
takeout to various homes in the
neighbourhood while simultaneously
dictating research notes into her
smartphone for her thesis. “I figure,
get my master’s, get a little more work
experience, and I might be able to start
paying off my student loans. I can sleep
when I’m dead, right?”

Fellow UBC student Draco Malfoy
lives a very different life from Granger
and her friends in his on-residence
apartment.

“T've read about these communal
living situations, and it’s honestly
depressing just to think about,” said
Malfoy, writing in an op-ed for the
school newspaper, The Publication That
Must Not Be Named. “Really, it’s gross
to think there are people who live like
that. What kids our age need to do is
pull themselves up by their bootstraps,
square their shoulders, and ask their
parents to pay rent for them. There’s no
need to go about living in some hovel
that hasn't been renovated since the first
Trudeau administration!”

Setbacks aside, Potter has voiced
nothing but gratitude for his cupboard
under the stairs since moving in.

“Tt was either this or stay with my
abusive aunt and uncle,” he said, sitting
on his cot and peering out the cupboard
door to talk to our reporter. “Sure, I
wish the rent was a little lower since I’m
working an unpaid internship right now,
and sure, I wish the basement wasn't

infested with poisonous spiders the size of
my hand, but look on the bright side: I’m
surrounded by all these new friends, and
we finally managed to scrub the last of the
black mould from the shower tiles! This

is about as prime as Lower Mainland real
estate gets!”

 

   
    
   
 

LET'S SEE...
~] MAPLE CURED BACON, MAPLE
| INFUSED SAUSAGES, MAPLE
FLAVOURED BISCUITS AND

 

   
  
  

WHAT'S WITH TOU CANADLANS
AND MAPLE SYRUPT

 

 

EVEN YOUR
MONET SMELLS OF
MAPLE SYRUP

 

  
 
  

     

  
  
    
 
 
  
 
 

  
    
   

HOLY CRAP,
IT DOES!

       
 

* ry nie
Z ae eee: k

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festa

[re mad
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Fh ‘Li ed
Smt eh
(i Se sy

fer ree ee

  

 

Comic by Nuclear Jackal