WIF Classifieds Submit Classifeds to classifieds at othereditor@yahoo.ca Students advertise for free! For free student classifieds up to 30 words, email: othereditor@yahoo.ca with your name, student number, and desired section, and put “classi- fied” in the subject line. Fast Cash Ads: 3 lines, 3 times for $20 (30 words max). Open rate of $5 per line. Enquiries: call our advertising manager at 604.525.3542. Pictures Classified pictures are $10 each printing. The picture size is 3.5em x 2.5cm, black and white. When placing an ad please remember... All ads must be received by Thursday to be published in the following Wednesday’s paper. Check your ad for errors and please call or email our offices to report any corrections. To ensure the integrity of our stu- dent newspaper, we reserve the right to revise, reclassify, edit, of refuse your ad. For Sale Two 128MB Memory Modules 184PIN DDR PC2100 DIMM With original packages. A Steal at $45! E-Mail me at email@scottelliott.com. 1980 Honda CB650 parts, $5 and up. Email redcoat1812@hotmail.com. BRAND NEW DVI Cables for all your LCDs for brighter & digitalized displays. Each cable is only $10 flat and comes with 30 day warranty. If interested, please drop an email to Andre at acepccanada@gmail.com for details. Epson colour 800 printer, 2 new black ink cartridges $60. Can see operating. HP cd writer $40. 2 pairs of speakers $10 & $20. 778 - 885 - 5476 Herbal products to improve your health. Choose an alternative to conventional medi- © cine. Safe and easy to use. Contact Alex at natural_cures@hotmail.com or 604.589.8728 HP 722C printer, new colour ink cartridge $75. Epson colour 800 printer, 2 new black ink cartridges $60. Can see both operating. 778 - 885 - 5476 Tutor/Proofreader (Ph.D) $25/hour for essays, thesis, etc. 604.837.1016 or editor888@hotmail.com. Professional tutor, writing coach, and editor can help with English 130, 106, 112, and 109; also Business Communications, reports, let- ters, and résumés. Quality guaranteed. The Writer’s Touch, www.writerstouch.net 604.437.6069. Vancouver Support group for stutterers. Every alternate Friday, 7-9pm. Room 4310, New West campus. For more info, contact Mary Rose Labandelo: 604.526.1735 Wanted OPTions for Sexual Health (formerly Planned Parenthood) is looking for volunteers to assist on the Facts of Life Line, a toll-free, confi- dential, sexual health information and referral resource line. Call 604.731.4552 ext. 224, or visit www.optionsforsexualhealth.com. AVID HALO 2 PLAYER. Need to have Halo2 game and XBOX Live. Please contact by email. Jamie Campbell. Jamie Campbell12345@hot- mail.com WATER POLO Players Wanted Students interested in participating in Intramural/Varsity Douglas Water Polo call: (604)777-6029(ext.## 3) or email:sessionpolo@yahoo.ca for more information. Teach English Overseas ¥ * Intensive 60-Hour Program * Classroom Management Techniques Detailed Lesson Planning * Comprehensive Teaching Materials # Internationally Recognized Certificate * Teacher Piacement Service * Job Guarantee Included Thousands of Satisfied Students av OXFORD SEMINARS 780-428-8700 / 1-800-779-1779 www.oxfordseminars.com Last Call Amanda Aikman, OP Columnist I want to win the lottery. Hardly an original sentiment, I know, but it’s true. No, wait— scratch that. I don’t “want” to win the lottery; I “need” to win the lottery. I need to own a giant house complete with pilates studio, bowling alley, and discothéque—and that’s just on the first floor. I need to be able to spend the weekend in Rome, simply because ’m craving spaghetti. I need to be outfitted in Marc Jacobs’ and Alexander McQueen’s spring and fall lines. These are things I need. Call me shallow, call me selfish, just don’t call me late for dinner—especially when it’s being prepared by my in-house Parisian chef and accompanied with wine selected by my in-house Parisian sommelier. People say money can’t buy happiness, but that’s cool—I’m already happy. I’m engaged to be married to a wonderful man and as far as I know, I’ve still got my health. I don’t need money to make me happy, I need money to take away the things that make me unhappy. Like debt. And my lack of a private jet. If—I mean, when—I win the lottery, I expect it to be big. Sure, I could get by on a cou- ple of million. I could buy a nice little house in Halifax, invest wisely, and live comfort- ably—albeit modestly—off the interest alone. But if I’m only going to win the lottery once (hey, I’m not greedy), I might as well go for broke. I mean for rich. For filthy, filthy tich. I want to win one of those obscene American Power Ball lotteries for, like, $70,000,000. I want to be able to buy my friends and loved ones crazy, extravagant gifts. I want to stroll the streets of town wearing a crown and carrying a sceptre, benevolently doling out large amounts of cash to complete strangers. See how generous Id be? I totally deserve to win. I'd be the best lottery winner ever. But woman can’t survive on philanthropy alone. Naturally, there are a few more basic needs of my own that would need to be met. Like my need for a wicked-awesome home theatre and an exact replica of the Rovers Return pub from Coronation Street on the grounds of my palatial estate. Perhaps I’d even double the actors’ salaries and hire them to come and drink with me. That'd be cool. Oh, and of course I’d have a Christmas wing added on to my grotesquely large man- sion. And it wou/d be a “mansion,” in the tackiest sense of the word. And in my Christmas wing I’d have a snow machine going at all times, and midgets in tights singing Christmas carols, and it would always smell like gingerbread and cocoa. And every night “Santa” would bring presents and I’d sneak in and see him and he’d tell me what a good girl I'd been all year and then he’d disappear up the chimney. And there’d be one room made entirely out of chocolate. You could eat the drapes, the chesterfield, the door hinges—everything. And it would be sugar-free chocolate, but it would taste as good as the real thing. I’m getting ahead of myself though. The chocolate room, Santa, and the punters at the Rovers will have to wait. First I need to find two dollars to buy a lottery ticket.