Horrorscopes from previous page...
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec.21)

Some people think saggy anything is a turn-on.
Fret no more.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

You look like a frog sometimes, go figure. The
problem is that people have trouble figuring out just
what kind of frog you are. Do you ribbit all of the
time, or spend the afternoon catching flies with that
practiced tongue of yours? The good thing about
you, little frog, is that although it often takes time,
you can correct them and say, “no, I’m an awesome
frog! | can do anything!” And they believe you
because it’s true.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

Who was the bastard who told me that | could
write? And that | enjoy it? Shit, I'll kill him if it's the
last bloody thing | do*!#$&!!! What's with those
aquarians? | can’t figure them out. Word of advice
for 1997: you're still confused, but hang in there, the
mirror is bound to shatter before you die, and then
you won't have to worry about who to be every day.
Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)

Cocaine is not caffeine. | repeat, cocaine is not
caffeine. Coffee doesn't cost fifty dollars a bean.
Snorting ground up coffee beans at 8 am isn’t what's
meant by percolated. And | didn’t buy my latte this
morning from Joe fucking Blowjob down on
Main & Hastings. Christ, have the
decency to wait until after noon.... Next
time you decide to buy illicit drugs and
pass it off to your girlfriend as going to
get the paper and walk the dog, you know, a
regular morning jaunt, try not to go home with
powder all over your face and a nosebleed. You
pisces, your faith in people's ignorance isn’t getting
you much farther than a few hidden snickers and
shakes of the head. The zodiac knows which way is
up, do you?

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

“Reading” other people's mail titillates you. Nosey
bugger, is privacy no more important than a dirty
dish rag to you? And you know what really bugs
me? When something you “read” makes you mad
and you have the gumption to question it. One of
these days, straight to that proverbial moon.... No,
really, lets talk ethics for just one moment. Unless
you’re a paid spy, | just don’t know how you can
sleep at night knowing you've infiltrated someone
else’s secrets. Try to get some money out of the
whole affair, and you won't have to worry about
being politically correct, ethical, blah, blah.... It’s the
nineties, get with the program.

 

CWBL Final tournament,

April 11-13, Humber College, Toronto

~ Royats CWBL cHamps

The Douglas College Royals Wheel-
chair Basketball Club team swept all
five games at the Canadian Wheel-
chair Basketball League Final tourna-
ment. Last weekend, at Humber
College in Toronto, they took top
honours for the second year in a row.
The Royals, led by tournament MVP
James Treuer, defeated a stubborn
Winnipeg Rolling Thunder team 65-50,
in an exciting final game that saw the
Royals cling desperately to a 4 point
lead throughout most of the game.
The turning point came, however,

  
 

Treuer, also a repeat winner, led the
team with 25.4 points per game
including a game high, 32 points in the
final game. Forward Laura Goertz was
the team’s third leading scorer at 8
points per game, including a perfect 8
for 8 from the charity stripe. Between
studying for final exams, shooting
guard Don Turner turned in strong
performances in his first year as a
starter for the squad, racking up 4.4
points per game. Both Turner and
Goertz were the team’s defensive
stalwarts, limiting the opposing teams’

Douglas College Royals Wheelchair Basketball
Club team swept all five games at the Canadian
Wheelchair Basketball League Final tournament

with six minutes left in the game and
the shot clock running down. Treuer
took a pass from Jaimie Borisoff and
hit nothing but net from behind the
three point line over a Terry Cole
screen. Winnipeg then had to begin to
foul in order to get the ball back but
superior foul shooting by the Royals
iced the victory. Seventeen of the
team’s 65 points in the final game
came from foul shots.

Point guard Jaimie Borisoff was
named to the all-star team for the
second year in a row, and was joined
by centre Terry Cole. Cole, a physical
education student, averaged 12.4
points per game and led the team in
rebounds. Tournament MVP James

 
  

second and third threats to tournament
low performances in each game.
Rookie forward Ross MacDonald
saw more action as the tournament
progressed, picking up numerous
assists and rebounds. MacDonald,
centre Peter Taylor and wing Jeff
Smithies combined as a unit in the final
game to hold the Winnipeg squad
virtually scoreless for a stretch of six
minutes in the second half of the final
game. The Royals at that point were
up by a mere 2 points, with three
starters on the bench with foul
trouble. Taylor and Smithies combined
on offense to chip in 5 points per
game, including critical points during
both the semi-final and final matches.
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Sports 37h