Have an idea for a story? Mlifeandstyle@theotherpress.ca Getting rid of toxic friendships » Why it may be important to cut someone loose Brittney MacDonald Life & Style Editor hroughout my many years rotating around the sun, I will admit I may have gained some experience in the realm of toxic friendships. I may have also been that toxic friend at one point or another. However, as someone who is as socially awkward as a wet cat, I also understand the need to hang onto the bonds you have formed. I can tell you now that it is not worth it. Valuing a friendship that is ultimately harmful to you is devaluing yourself. If you haven't experienced or identified a toxic friendship firsthand, I will lay it out for you. Friendship is a relationship, similar to the bond witha significant other. If you were in a romantic relationship with someone who constantly belittled you, took advantage of you, verbally abused you, or consistently did things to hurt your feelings or embarrass you—you'd probably think twice about being with them. At least, I hope you would. Friendships are the same. You don't want to be surrounding yourself with people who don’t seem to care about your well-being. That is not friendship, that is parasitic. When you're in the moment though, T understand it can be hard to let go. For a number of years, I had someone who I claimed was my best friend. She was caught fellating a man at one of my work functions, but I forgave her. She slept with my boyfriend of the time on three separate occasions, but I forgave her—I solely blamed him and held him completely responsible for what had occurred. This was wrong of me. Not to say he wasn't a shitty person—just in retrospect, they both were. I found that towards the later years of our friendship, I was constantly making excuses for her, which included making excuses to myself. Eventually she stopped talking to me. She moved on and so did I. At first, I asked what was wrong with me that she didn't want to stay friends. After everything I had done and all of the secrets I had kept— why was I the one left behind? Finally, I began asking myself the right question. Why wasn’t I the one who walked away? The answer: A friendship spanning years, including your adolescent ones, can be difficult to let go. However, a fun trick you can try is to look at the person you are friends with and disassociate them from any personal connection you may have. From an objective viewpoint, would you still consider them a good person? If the answer is no, then you've pretty much discovered if they’re toxic to you or not. Notice how I said “to you.” This is because toxic people are sometimes not universally negative. For me, I know that I have been in relationships in the past where I wasn't as emotionally invested as the other person. This one-sidedness is also a form of toxicity—and not working to rectify that is my own fault. Instead I ended up ignoring people when I should have probably listened to them, to offer the same emotional support they would have extended to me. The Pour Boy: Which liquors to keep stocked 1n your home bar » Because without booze, you're just a schmuck with a cocktail shaker Jacey Gibb Distribution Manager eve talked about the essential gear for setting up your home bar, but what about the actual liquor? The part you get to mix and match to create a tasty beverage? It’s difficult to say which liquors you should or shouldn't keep on hand because your tastes are invariably different from my own. That being said, most of the alcohols mentioned below are versatile and work as a base for multiple cocktails—so even if you dont like the flavour straight-up, they can still come in handy. Another thing worth mentioning up front is how important the quality of liquor is. Let’s move past the Smirnoff and Bacardi nonsense of your early drinking days, because most of these translate into terrible cocktails. In most cocktail recipes the alcohol is the main ingredient and flavour, so you'll want to make sure it’s something worth tasting. Take an Old Fashioned for example. Its ingredients are bourbon, simple syrup, bitters, a bit of orange, and a chunk of ice to slowly dilute the drink. If you're using a subpar bourbon, the bulk of the cocktail will taste subpar. Splurge the extra couple of bucks for the higher quality liquors, and you'll taste the difference come cocktail time. The first liquor every home bar needs is a decent vodka. Skip the Smirnoff, Absolut, Polar Ice, and any other trashy vodka that brings back memories from high school, but also steer clear of the more high-end ones like Crystal Skull, which will set you back about $60 a bottle. Ketel One is my go-to, which tastes great and has a middle-ground price. When looking for a good vodka, the only rule to follow is it should be odorless and tasteless—like water. Anything that tastes like perfume or paint thinner is not going to do your drink justice. Rum is another liquor you'll want to keep on hand, and it comes in two main varieties. Most cocktails call for white rum, which has a more subtle flavour; other cocktails, like a Dark ’n’ Stormy or a Hurricane, call for dark rum. The latter type gets its darker colour from an extended aging process. If money’s tight, just go with a white rum for now since it’s used in more recipes. Gin is also an alcohol you've likely He) Sheri fog an Photo by Carla Kelly life & style // no. 9 ¢ Crochet not just for squares ¢ Why Togo Sushi is worth your money ¢ Pore care to keep you clear ..and more FRIENDS YoungRichFamousAuthenticApparel via Teepublic T-shirt design by Stumbling through the mess that is human engagement can be difficult. Ridding yourself of toxic people or bad influences is just one of the first steps to making it a little easier. Surrounding yourself with people who love and support you is a good way to boost your self- esteem—and we all need a little of that. dabbled with in the past, but it transfers well into cocktails. Most of the higher- end gins will boast about subtle tasting notes—all of which usually get drowned out by other ingredients in a cocktail. The juniper in gin will often overpower any and all other flavours added, unless you have a very well-trained palette. Bombay Sapphire and Beefeater will serve you well here, and both are on the cheaper side too. The last liquor I suggest always having on hand is bourbon. It’s the liquor I use most often, and it goes in so many different cocktails. Now, there are also some situations where you can get away with using a cheaper, lower-quality bourbon: If the cocktail calls for lots of citrus or other ingredients (like in a Bourbon Sour) then feel free to use stuff like Jim Beam; if bourbon is the main component (like the aforementioned Old Fashioned) then punch up and use something like Wild Turkey. Remember to use this list as a jumping-off point only and not as gospel. If youre staunchly opposed to drinking rum, then don't go out and invest in two bottles of something youre not going to enjoy. Similarly, a lot of guides online recommend keeping brandy and tequila on hand, but I find these two liquors are a lot less versatile, so they go unused—plus, they're more expensive. Stick with the basics, see which cocktails and flavours you start gravitating towards, and go from there.