AANA ANNA RAPA Canada Bows Out of Gold Cup Kevin Welsh, OP Soccer Aficionado = DOWN SIDES Colin Miley, Pinch Hitter, Stitch Splitter, OP Contributor While former Sports Editor Darren Paterson is Down Under conducting exhaustive research into the reproductive characteristics of kangaroos, I'll be lead- ing this month’s journey into “The Downside of Sports.” Steroid abuse is killing wrestlers faster pavel and pass the blame. While a at jury has than a US Senator can pound a g been convened to point fingers at the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative (BALCO) in particular, and professional baseball in general, wrestlers continue to die at an alarming rate. If you haven’t seen your favourite WWE wrestler in action lately, it may be because he’s doing sunset flips off the pearly gates these days. Curt Hennig, dead August 10/2005 nce again, it was a case of close but no cigar, a cliché that is quickly becoming a mantra for the Canadian Men’s World Cup soccer team. Hot on the heels of their failed bid to qualify for the World Cup, Frank Yallop’s side crashed out of the 2005 Gold Cup (the biannual championship for North American, Central American, and Caribbean countries), failing to qualify past the group stage in the process. Nonetheless, there were some positive signs from the pro- gram that is currently being revamped under the careful eye of Yallop. With several of their A players opting to miss the tournament, notably Tomasz Radzinski, Paul Stalteri, Julian de Guzman, Daniel Imhof, and Mike Klukowski, Yallop at 44. Road Warrior “Hawk,” deceased at 46. Crash Holly (32), Ravishing Rick Rude (40), “The British Bulldog” Davey Boy Smith (39): all dead, every one of them. Pro wrestlers have a mortality rate more than seven times higher than the average American. The ’roids may not be entirely to blame, but they ate certainly a major contributing factor. If the US really cared about curbing the use of steroids, Human Growth Hormones (HGH), and other perform- ance enhancers, they’d do well to include wrestling in their inquiries. Vince McMahon, Hulk Hogan, and Jesse “The Body” steroids during a mid-90s investigation Ventura all copped to using into wrestling. No...really? People Anew that wrestling was rife with steroids? McMahon went on to headline several matches in the past few years, magically bulking up to superhuman size even as he approached his 70th birthday. His WWE has grown into a billion-dollar industry. Hogan now has a new reality show a la The Osbournes and is hoping to launch his daughter’s singing career. Jesse Ventura went on to become the freaking Governor of Minnesota. Look at Arnold Schwarzenegger. He’s also admitted to and he’s the freaking Governor of California. The answer looks simple: just do crazy amounts of steroids and you can be rich and famous, too. In addition to performance enhancers, steroid usage, was forced to bring in more than a few internationally inexperienced players. No less than six players from the United Soccer League’s Montreal Impact were called into duty, with a seventh Impact player placed on stand-by. Complement the Impact-laden Team Canada were the few A players who were available—lIain Hume, Jim Brennan, Atiba Hutchinson, Dwayne deRosario, and Kevin McKenna. A 2-1 pre-tournament loss to Honduras set the tone for the tourna- ment, with Canada acquitting themselves well, but failing to capitalize on their scor- ing chances. The trend continued throughout the tournament, which saw Canada score only twice in three games. Canada controlled much of the play in their opening match against Costa Rica, but dropped a 1—0 decision on a contro- versial penalty kick (though replays do conclusively show that Canada’s Patrice Bernier did handle the ball with his invis- wrestlers are also mixing in a whole lot of cocaine, painkillers, and booze to deal with the pain and rigours of the WWE’s schedule. These drugs can all be lethal on their own, but mix them with steroids and you basically have a slow-acting poison. Granted, exposing Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, et al as the performance- enhanced freaks that they have become is a step in the right direction, but why does ible third arm). Canada followed that up with a hard-fought, 2—0 loss to the host USA. By the time their third game rolled around, Canada had to defeat Cuba 3-0 and hope Colombia tied Trinidad & Tobago 1—1 in order for them to qualify for the knockout stage. Canada dominat- ed the match, but the 2-1 victory (on goals by Hutchinson and Montreal’s Ali Gerba) was not enough. Despite the disappointments, there were positive signs. Most of the Montreal players brought in didn’t look out of place, with strong performances turned in by goalkeeper Greg Sutton, defenders Gabriel Gervais and Adam Braz, and mid- fielder Sando Grande. Others were watching, as well, as Grande and Gerba have since left Montreal to play for Norway’s Viking and Sweden’s Sundsvall, respectively. the US Congress seem to care more about a baseball player’s life than a pro wrestler’s? It’s time to face the truth: If steroids are giving sports a black eye, this investi- gation’s reluctance to look at wrestling is giving it a broken jaw, three cracked ribs, and a fractured femur. www.theotherpress.ca | 21