issue 28 // volume 41

Cover letters are hard

Sharon Miki
Humour Editor
i) humour

 

E: Really great job
opportunity

: several years. It is because of this
: complex experience that I know
: that I can serve your company

: well.

Well, I mean, if we're being

honest, I can probably serve your
: company reasonably well. What

: I was saying earlier about my

Dear Ms. Serafini,

: work experience is totally mostly

: true. Basically, I had a lemonade

I am writing to enquire if you
have any vacancies in your
company. I was referred to you by
Eric Wilkins, andW I believe that
I am an excellent candidate to
fill any positions that you might
presently have to fill. I enclose my
resumé for your information. I
am very confident and excited in
this opportunity.

As my resumé shows you,
I have a diverse milieu of work
experience, ranging from retail
to administrative to somatic
engagement work. I was also a
culinary conveyance operative for

: stand when I was a kid, and I take :
: pretty good notes in class, and I
: lift weights. Oh, and I worked as a :
: server for about a week. So, that’s :
: experience, right?

One thing | am actually very

: confident about is my ability to

: seamlessly work well both as an
: individual and as part of a team.
: You can count on me for that.

I mean, dont count on me

: count on me though. Because a
: lot of my teamwork skills have a
: lot todo with how much I like my :
: coworkers. I generally don't like
: working with other women, andI :

: also don’t like working with men.
: Soas long as I’m not working
: with any other humans, I will be
: great at teamwork.
: I am also super conscientious
: and pay a lot of attentin to detale.
: You can ask any of my references
: (attached).
: Well, maybe don’t actually
: call those references. There’s
some drama there that you
: probably don't want to get in to.
Just take my word for it.

Oh goodness, why would
: you take my word for anything?
: Again, if I’m being honest, ’ma
: bit of a compulsive liar.
: In sum, I would love to
: discuss the possibility of my
: future employment with your
: company. Or not. Whatever.

: This is it,

: Sharon

humour // 23

 

 

THE OTHER PRESS IS HIRING

HUMOUR EDITOR

Do you liken yourself to a young Tina Fey or Louis C.K.? Are
you sick of people constantly telling you how funny your
jokes are? Then you might have what it takes to be the Other
Press’ next Humour Editor!

The Humour Editor is responsible for fee
providing five to seven quality, print-worthy ,“#
articles in every issue, either through fi
contributors or by writing the articles
themselves.

 

The successful candidate will:
Be a proficient writer and proven editor
Have familiarity with CP style
- Have an interest in journalism and/or writing
- Know several knock-knock jokes... or not

Po.

Pay: $450/month
Interested? Send resumé and writing samples to
editor@ theotherpress.ca by 5 June 2015, at 11:55 p.m.

 

 

 

 

Ss RAC

BY

STE? 1. 60 TOTHE BEACH,
WHILE BRAVING A BODY.

 

 

WiK\

 

STEP Q: FINDA PIECE OF ABAN DOPED
BEECH WOOD. WHITTLE THE Wood.

 

 

 

 

 

Now You Wrewe &
“Hot BEECH Boo"!

BEECH Wo0D