issue 8// vol 45 humour // no. 17 Citizens celebrate marijuana legalization by getting crazy high » Does anybody have a piece of gum? Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor On Wednesday, October 17, Canada became the second country in the world to legalize recreational marijuana. Thousands lined up across Canada to buy weed with soothing names like “AK-47” and “Snoop Dogg’s Balls.” The Other Press took to the streets to see how citizens felt about the historic day. Some were enthusiastic about legalization. Scott Parker, 26, was happy to see the legislative change. “I had just gotten a bunch of incense for Christmas. I was like, ‘There’s no way I’m gonna use all of this incense’ But now I have a reason to!” Parker also said he finds marijuana to be a blessing. “Sometimes I'll run into friends that I don’t have much in common with i re < ‘Riverdale’ to focus solely on kissing anymore, but still feel like we have to hang out because of our shared history. Weed is great because it’s something we can do, then stare at our phones for 40 minutes until one of us just gets up and leaves. It’s a great way to not have to talk to someone while still maintaining a sliver of connection.” Others like Stephanie Loscerbo, 57, weren't so happy with the news. “I've never smoked the grass before and I’m not about to,” she said. “Despite this, I’m going to vilify it as much as I possibly can. These kids shouldn't be out there, getting high on reefer and talking about how much better Planet Earth looks when they're stoned. Planet Earth is just fine how it is. They should act like responsible adults and have two double rum and cokes and an Ativan before bed like me.” To celebrate legalization, citizens were convening in alleys, public parks, and 1999 Honda Accords to ingest the previously illegal substance. Daniella Cheng, 23, was with six of her friends behind a corner store. “Weed is great,” Cheng said. “Hey, have you guys noticed that the clothes in Forever 21 really suck now? I went in there the other day and I didn't like anything in there. Like, pretty much nothing in the whole store appealed to me except for like two crop tops. Oh my God, am I not their target demographic anymore? | thought I was supposed to be 21 forever! Oh my God, am I old? Am I turning into my mother?” Many business owners took the news in stride, such as Richard Burnside, the owner of Silkscreenz (located on West Broadway). In his 22 years of running the shop, Burnside was adamant that sales had never been better. “Tm all out of every Bob Marley silkscreen I have,” Burns said excitedly. “Pretty low on Stewie Griffin in a rasta hat ‘a age ts Cae a -_ » ‘Screw the plot, I wanna see these kids French, says fan Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor he popular television show Riverdale announced last Sunday that it was dropping all existing storylines to focus on the teen characters making out. Since the show's debut in 2017, both writers and viewers alike have been trying to suss out which direction the young adult drama is heading in. “Romance? Mystery? Horror? We really have no idea at this point,” new executive producer Greta Riim told reporters at a press release. “We just know how to make two actors kiss.” Fans of the show have been treated to weekly installments of some character getting it on with another. Riim explained the process: “We put all of their names into a hat and draw them in pairs. Then we just hope for the best.” Much like the original Archie Andrews from the quintessential American comic books, Riverdale’s Archie really gets down and dirty in the idyllic town of Riverdale, US. Archie’s current paramour is none other than the spoiled sweetheart Veronica Lodge, heiress to the Lodge Industries fortune. Viewers got to see their budding romance bloom, culminating in at least one drawn-out horizontal kissing scene every episode. “We already had them macking on each other for an estimated 12 minutes a show,” Riim said. “We thought, why not just draw that out for 20 more?” Many storylines have been explored over the show’s two seasons. The town of Riverdale is currently divided by gang wars and land disputes, punctuated by a recurring serial killer and what appears to be either supernatural elements or one very long fever dream. “But that’s all in the past,” says Riim. “We're scrapping all the of the current arcs and weird loose ends to really focus on these kids sucking face. Just really getting up in there.” Under this new model, the show plans to continue its faithful portrayal of Jughead Jones, Archie’s closest friend and self-proclaimed “woman hater.” Jughead, an iconic character known best for his passion for food and recently revealed in the comics to be canonically asexual, is often shown making out with and grinding with his girlfriend Betty Cooper for as long as each 42 to 46-minute episode will allow. “Yeah, so we're thinking that, but like... more of it,” said Rim. Longtime viewers of the show were accepting of the show’s weirdly drawn-out expressions of sexuality. Superfan and teenager Jonathan Gates told the Other too. I put in an order for ‘Trippy Rainbow Forest #14’ last week, so that should be in any day now. I just can’t keep them on the shelves!” Other businesses were certainly feeling the heat. When stopping at Chipotle for a quick bite, the Other Press spoke to employee Jeff Richardson. “You guys have to get me out of here,” Richardson said. “I’m stoned out of my gourd right now. Have you ever tried making a burrito while high? The corners just won't fold together!” When Richardson was reminded that tortillas were circular in shape and in fact had no corners, Richardson had to take a minute and sit down. This reporter would like to note here that she had definitely not ingested any legal substances while taking these interviews. Unless, of course, you think smoking weed is cool, in which case she definitely did. Hey, does anyone else’s mouth feel super dry and weird? ‘Riverdale’ still Press: “I love that the actors are clearly young adults playing 16-year-olds. It gives me healthy expectations about how I should look and act at my age.” Gates mentioned that he has never kissed a girl but hopes to before graduation. When questioned if the replacement of PG-13 teenage grappling in lieu of any and all plots was the best move for the show, Riim stood by her decision. “We've really mucked it up in the past. What about the whole secret agent thing from season two that lasted for seven whole episodes and went nowhere? Or how about giving Cheryl Blossom a bow and arrow? No, this is a much better move for us. For God’s sakes, we named a drug Jingle Jangle and people kept watching. I think they’re gonna stick around for this.”