History Hacked Douglas College students are not alone in their concern for the future of the College’s History program. Professor by LORI DONALD Hugh Johnston, Chairman of the History department at Simon Fraser University is also worried-that the quality of Douglas College’s History program is in jeopardy. In response to the article ‘‘Por- ges is History’’ printed in the January* 31 edition of The Other. Press, Professor John- ston said that not replacing Mr. Porges with a full time faculty member would ser- iously weaken the College’s History program. He said that it is impossible for a de- partment to plan ahead if it is questionable how long a con- tract faculty member will stay. He is worried that there will be ‘‘new people all the time.”’ Professor Johnston is con- fident that Douglas College students are being well pre- pared for the higher level history courses offered at S.F.U. because he is aware of the high calibre of the Col- lege’s history faculty. Mrs. Gresko and Mr. Porges are highly dedicated teachers who are specialists in their respec- tive fields—Mrs. Gresko in Canadian history, and Mr. Porges in European history. Johnston stressed the im- portance of having teachers who are specialists in their fields. Because university his- tory courses are taught by specialists, history courses at Douglas College must also be taught by specialists if the courses are to be accepted for transfer credit. Johnston said that if the College does not hire specialists, then the Uni- versity would have to ques- tion whether or not Douglas College’s history courses would be transferable. As reported in the previous George Porges leaving Douglas = issue of The Other Press, Gordon Gilgan, Dean of Aca- demics at Douglas, suggested the future possibility that courses in Asian or American history will be offered. John- ston said that there is a “scarcity of qualified people’ to teach such courses. If the College plans on_ offering these courses, it will, the Pro- fessor said, have to advertise © nationally. He questioned the willingness of a qualified spe- cialist to relocate to B.C. if he or she is offered a position only on a contract basis. Of course the college could hire locally a history teacher who would be ‘‘a page ahead of his students,’’ said Johnston. But then the question of whether such a course would be accepted for transfer credit would arise. Professor Johnston dis- agreed with Gordon Gilgan’s statement that history can be taught in a fragmented man- merely a collection of histor-{ The Other Press ner. It is essential, he said, @ that ‘‘the student acquires ag breadth and depth of know-@ ledge’ of history and not® ical facts. = In conclusion, Johnston# mentioned an interesting fact & that will appeal to the prag-& matic, dollars-and-cents out-j look of the College’s admin- istration. He claimed statis-§ tics show that ‘‘historians do very well in the corporate world.’” People with history } degrees tend to move up the corporate ladder faster than & people with business degrees. 2 Historians learn how to pre- § sent large, complicated a- G mounts of information in ag clear, concise manner. This @ ability to convey information 3 is an invaluable management & skill. So the next time some- & one asks what you plan to do g with a history degree, tell § them you plan to be their boss § some day. breasted ropefis by P. Mollusc “Zees iz one of ze biggest myztereez in zees magnifizant ocean of ours-Come wid me!’’ So it was that Jacob Six- pence called me _ into his undersea world, thick with fake French accents and worn poetic Cousteau cliches. We were entering the realm of the Three Breasted Ropefish. “See dis ‘ere, eet iz ze—”’ “Shut up,’’ | said calmly. “But, monsieur, | must protest, ‘ow elze am | to —’’ ‘Shut up and speak in your natural Falkland Island ac- cent.’ “Oh, all right, Mr. Mol- h lusc. But I’m tellin’ ye, it worked for ol’ Jaques now, din’t?’’ Anyways, ‘eres the branch.”’ “‘The Blessed Sea Slug?’’ ‘‘Indeed. The same.’’ My friend Petro killed something that presently swam past and fed it to our friend the slug. We waited for three hours while the Cephalo pod crawled up his arm in response. “| often wonder whether this creature represents a higher and gentler intelligence than we know,’’ Jacob said tear- fully, Loading the hapless sea slug into a preservation jar for playful dissection aboard the Cha-Cha. Petro, seeming to under- stand and empathise with Jacob, cut his air pipe, and, a mischievous glint in his eye, tested the hardness of a piece of basalt on the marine bio- logist’s head. “He was a good man,” mourned Petro, showing me his speargun, ‘‘it is such a shame he is so careless.’’ “Hello,” said Mao Tse-Tung. “‘Hello,’’ said Petro. “Nice day,’’ said the undead Communist. “Yes,’’ said Petro, ‘Rather wet, though.’’ Petro began guiding me visits the realm of the three February 14, 1986 Page 5 toward the coral reef, but gave it wideberth when he noticed Genghis Khan and John the Baptist being rather soundly beaten at Monopoly € by a herd of undersea musk- ' oxen. We swam toward a small depression in the sea floor instead. “By the way, how do we speak to each other?’’ asked Petro. ‘Hell if | know. Nothing is impossible. God is on our side. Human mind holds in- finite potential. Love con- quers all.’’ “Knock three times on the window if you want me,’’ | hypothosised Petro. “Little Joanie is hot tonight on Rock n’Roll love Boule- vard, Ya Ya, Baby, oh, yahh, alright,’’ | said, stretching his theory. Suddenly there was a stir- ring on the sea floor, an omen in the sky, a rise in Dow Jones, a Wayne Newton-) ulio Iglesias Benefit for Manson concert and lo! The three breasted ropefish, which we had so earnestly been seek- ing, appeared before our eyes. ‘Save me, I’m the last of my species!’’ it cried. Petro- tried to comfort it but only broke its neck. “Punish me, Lord Priapus!’’ cried the anquished Petro, grinning a twisted grin. A chorus of sharks sang Row, Row, Row Your Boat, Gently cross the Styx... in C minor and in a sudden milky marine } cloudburst, Petro was later- § ally bisected -by the omni- potent member of Fertility himself. Oh Priapus, Stray not from us, Please banish Impotence Thy member, Should it enter, Would sanctify all tactile sense... My loved one Is much fun It is for me she lusts Betray us not This one’s all I’ve got, Great Priapus.