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Humour

 

Two terri

fying clowns

Ronald McDonald and the Joker are one and the same

By David Hollinshead,
Chief Clown Investigator

onald McDonald, The Joker,
R= they the same person?
The Joker, a villain that
has been terrorizing Gotham City
since the 1940s, is also the clown
responsible for fattening our
kids up and enslaving them with
“Happy Meals” and treacherous
brainwashing techniques, claims
the “World’s Greatest Detective,”
Batman.
In the ‘40s, the Joker made
his appearance as a straight-up
homicidal maniac who came back
from what appeared to be certain
death on more than one occasion.
He would carve a “Glasgow smile”
across the faces of his victims, and
has lately adopted the catchphrase
“Why so serious?” After being
thwarted in an attempt to slay the
“Boy Wonder,” Robin, the Joker
was last seen in the ’60s, until again
making his “rebirth” in 1973. Did he

 

really disappear? Or did he decide
to play another sick joke?

Ronald McDonald, another
clown figure, made his first
appearance in 1963, around
the same time that the Joker’s
villainous tricks became less
frequent. A clown that was
thought to have been brought in
as a marketing scheme to attract
younger children into eating their
food may have been pulling a fast
one on all of us since birth.

Think about it: both of these
characters have the same white,
pasty skin, frequently scare or put
off people, have the same huge
red smile that never vanishes, are
obsessed with “making people
smile,” and with just a wardrobe
and makeup change could look
exactly the same. They have
also never been spotted in the
same place at the same time, but
McDonald has been seen in places
where Joker’s long arm of crime
reaches.

“These accusations are
absolutely preposterous,” says
Mayor McCheese, a close friend of
McDonald’s and the elected leader
of McDonaldland. “Mr. McDonald
is nothing but an upstanding
citizen. He is a well-known
philanthropist who helps hundreds
of families in need.”

McDonald himself is not a
stranger to crime. He claims to be
a friend with someone who goes
by the alias of the “Hamburglar,”
a well-known petty thief who has
been caught stealing repeatedly
from McDonald himself. Is he a
criminal or a vigilante? If the enemy
of my enemy is my friend, then
perhaps he and the Dark Knight
are in cahoots. With the superhero
dealing straight on with the clown
murderer, the Hamburglar could
fight him indirectly by stealing
the food. There is also suspicion
that the Hamburglar is a double
agent. He is always caught by
McDonald and his team due to his

 

Continued on pg.25

“City of Boston still suffering from rat problem”

   
 

carelessness, and McDonald has not
once pressed charges.

What would the motive be for
being a mascot for a large fast food
chain? With Batman having five
sidekicks since his first in 1940, the
Joker seems to always be dealing
with athletic teen after athletic
teen willing to be taken under the
Batman’s wing and help him foil
the Joker’s plans. Once the “Happy
Meal” plans were in full swing, all
the Joker had to do was take out the
Boy Wonder and he would be done
with it all, killing a young Jason
Todd and his mother in the process.
Something that Batman has not
forgiven himself for.

“Syrian protestors demand democracy,

 

and that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries re-unite”