Wilson

10 | OtherPress

 

 
 

Canadian Jokes:

(From the Internet, eh?)

It’s Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and

~ aman makes his way to his seat right at

centre ice. He sits down, noticing that the
seat next to him is empty. He leans over
and asks his neighbour if someone will be
sitting there. “No,” says the neighbour.
“The seat is empty.”

“This is incredible”, says the man.
“Who in their right mind would have a
seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not
use it?”

The neighbour says, “Well, actually, the
seat belongs to me. I was supposed to
come with my wife, but she passed away.
This is the first Stanley Cup we haven’t
been to together since we got married in
1967.”

“Oh ... I’m sorry to hear that. That’s
terrible. But couldn’t you find someone
else, a friend or relative, or even a neigh-
bour to take the seat?”

The man shakes his head “No. They’re
all at the funeral.”

Newfoundland’s worst air disaster
occurred today when a small two-seater
Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery
early this afternoon in central
Newfoundland.

Newfie search and rescue workers have
recovered 300 bodies so far and expect
that number to climb as digging continues
into the evening.

1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn:
MONTREAL

2. One hand on wheel, one finger out

window: TORONTO

3. One hand on wheel, one finger out

window, cutting across all lanes of traffic:

OTTAWA

4. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both

feet on brake, quivering in terror:

SASKATOON, but driving in TORON-

TO

5. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet

on accelerator, head turned to talk to

someone in the back seat: QUEBEC

CITY

6. One hand on 12 oz. double shot latte,

one knee on wheel,

cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind

July 2004

on radio game, banging head on steering
wheel while stuck in traffic: VANCOU-
VER

7. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunt-
ing rifle, alternating between both feet
being on the brake and both feet on the
accelerator, throwing McDonald’s bag out
the window: RED DEER

8. Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun
mounted in rear window, beer cans on the
floor, raccoon tails attached to the anten-
na: PRINCE GEORGE

9. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair
barely visible above windshield driving 40
km/hr on Hwy 1 in the left lane with the
left blinker on: VICTORIA

10. One ski-doo mitt on steering wheel,
one ski-doo mitt scrapper in hand out
front window scrapping frost, Guess Who
on 8-track playing “Share The Land,”
hockey equipment smelling up car interi-
or, waiting at lights for snow removal
equipment to finish clearing intersection:
WINNIPEG

1) You ever heard the phrase, “May the

force be witt ya by’.”

2) You have ever used your light saber to

quarter a moose.

3) Both wings of your X-Wing are done

over with sheet metal and rivets and are

covered with polybond. .

4) Even C3-PO cannot understand what

you are saying.

5) Your father has ever said to you,

“Come on by’ son, come on over ’ere to

the dark side and have a Dominion witt

yer old man.”

6) You have ever had your R-2 unit use its

self-defense electro-shock thingy to scare

off mosquitoes on May 24th weekend.

7) You have a Newfoundland dog painted

on the hood of your land-speeder.

8) You have ever fantasized about

Danielle House wearing her hair like

Princess Leah.

9) You were the only person drinking

Newfie Screech during the cantina scene.

10) If you hear... “Luke, I is your father
tell me what the hell is your moth-

er getting on with by’?!”