October 15, 2003

   
  
 
 

me that pegple could be so narrow-minded. People
claim the Bible, but I know enough biblical (infor-
mation) to know it’s nonsense. I think it’s something
else... think people are honestly worked up about it,
(and) they claim biblical religious reasons, but it’s
more than that. They are using this as a lightning rod
instead of looking deeper at other social, political,
economic reasons. We never work up passion about
greed or famine or poverty, but we can about sex.
Why is that when millions are dying?”

In writing this story I went back to my friend from
last spring and tracked down his father, the one who
had left the United Church along with his family in
1992. I wanted to know why—why was homosexual-
ity such an issue?

“At the time, it was the straw that broke the camel’s
back,” said his father (who wishes to remain anony-
mous) on the phone. “There was a lot of political
rhetoric coming out of (the church base in Ontario).
I felt that they weren't listening. Being good
Canadians, as long as it didn’t affect us and our
church, we didn’t mind.”

But this belief, that they weren't affected, fell apart
following a church conference where certain delegates
felt embarrassed and coerced into voting to accept gay
ministers. My friend’s father said he felt forced into
the issue.

“I was against it at the time. My feeling was I didn’t
want...to know about homosexuals. A minister is put
on a pedestal, is an example to look up to. I didn’t
want that,” he said. “I don’t have the same feelings
(now)...My views have changed dramatically since
then.”

He believes in equal rights and supports the victo-
ries won by gay and lesbian people in the last few
years in improving their rights and recognition. He
also believes there is
openness and tolerance
now.

“My seven years at
university, at that age
we were invincible, we
thought we could
change the world,” he
said. “We were always
left-leaning, stirring the
pot, fighting for the
underdogs. I think the
younger _— generation
thinks the older genera-
tion is not tolerant, big-
ots. But we're not.

“I learned tolerance
from (my sons). They
used to tease me, look at my neck and call it a red
neck. I think people your age have taught us a great
deal about tolerance and seeing the world differently.”

In terms of legalizing gay marriage however, he is
still not supporting it. “It’s the union of a man and a
woman. You shouldn't try to change the definition,”
he said. “Civil unions, benefits, that’s fine—but don’t
try to call it otherwise. It goes against the building

A family left their faith,
their community, their
place of worship because a
man they had never met,
who lived a province away,

wanted to be himself while
he worked for God.

Gary
Paterson
and Tim
Stevenson
blocks of North American culture, religion. Marriage
is marriage.”

“There’s going to be such a backlash...when you try
and assault the word marriage, that’s where you have
problems. People get defensive. They don’t think. You
go back to bigotry again.”

Perhaps we, the students—the younger genera-
tion—have taught an older generation something
about accepting difference,
but I don’t think things real-
ly are that different. The
word “Fag” is still an insult
scrawled on the doors of res-
idence buildings, or shouted
from passing cars. Schools
still aren't a safe space: three
homosexual students
refused to be interviewed for
this piece because they were
afraid of backlash.

The Teacher

“I think everyone should
support it,” says Libbie Bake, a primary school
teacher living in Vancouver, BC. “I think we are enti-
tled to the same rights, freedoms, benefits offered by
our Federal government. Legalizing same-sex mar-
riage allows consenting loving adults to live freely
under the protection of our constitutional rights.”

“This is long overdue.”

Still, her feelings about marriage are ambivalent. It’s
important to have the right, but she personally does
not feel the need to get married.

“The righteousness of the Catholic Church drove
me away long ago and the religious dogma that is
used to defend traditional marriage reinforces why
church has become so irrelevant to me,” says Bake,
who finished her grad-
uate/masters diploma
in early literacy this
year. “My lifelong com-
mitment with (my
partner) Judi is defined
by what is important to
us and I haven’ felt I
needed the sanction of
faith or God.”

Granted, she says
that if marriage can
provide more protec-
tion, then it would be
something she’d con-
sider. Ultimately,
though, she believes
the biggest gain from
legalizing same-sex marriage will be in public recogni-
tion.

“The whole national debate can only help to broad-
en people’s perspectives of difference.”

The Librarian
“T don’t think it’s one of the issues Libbie and I
thought would be the most important,” says Judi

http://www.otherpress.ca

   
  
  

“Gay people are illegal
because the only way
they're really different
is because of who they
want to marry,”

nine-year-old child

the other press ©

Features

 

Libbie Bake,
Judy Walker
and the three
daughters

Walker, a branch head at the Vancouver Public
Library and Libbie Bake’s partner of 21 years.

“We've always felt we were committed to each
other,” she says. “Raising three children and buying a
house together have provided us an extra emotional
and legal bond.”

“The legal protection (of marriage) appeals to me.
When [our] kids were very young, we had no protec-
tion. We worried we could
lose (them) simply because
we were lesbians. We have
benefited from those hard-
fought gains.”

Having spent their
relationship being very
“out” to family, friends, co-
workers, and neighbours,
both Libbie Bake and Judi
Walker feel they have
helped to provide a face to
attach to the word homo-
sexual. “If Libbie and I get-
ting married helps more
gays and lesbians one more baby step to being accept-
ed as normal, then I’m all for it.”

Walker has her own ambivalent feelings because for
her, marriage is the commitment to each other that
goes on and on. So on a personal day-to-day level, she
and her partner have already made their vows. There
may not have been a wedding, but they wear their
grandmothers’ wedding rings and have celebrated
their 15th anniversary. They file their income tax as a
couple, and “at some point along the way, we bought
our own toaster.”

But to every story there is overlap, and Judi Walker
was also raised in the United Church, a place she calls
“a fairly open and questioning religious environ-
ment.”

“I was struggling with my own orientation (in
1982) at the same time the United Church began
struggling with the issue of ordaining gays and les-
bians. Ironically, this was affecting our family of seven
very directly since Gary and Tim were working to be
accepted as gay ordained ministers.”

Yes, there is the truth. This story is of my family, of
the seven of us: the dads, Gary and Tim; the moms,
Libbie and Judi; and the three daughters: Kate, Emily,
and Zoé. Tell me, does it make a difference?

My mother was sitting in the shade on the front
porch this summer when a young child and her
grandmother walked by. The child paused, looking up
at the beach-towel sized rainbow flag hanging from
the front porch—actually a peace flag from Italy with
the word “Pace,” meaning “Peace,” on it, whose rain-
bow colours mimic the Pride flag. It was hung to
stand for both peace and pride.

She asked her grandmother which country had a
flag like that, and the older woman said she didn't
know.

“Well, I bet nice people live there,” said the girl.

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