210 Shoppers fight Black Friday crowds for subpar goods > 'This isn’t even my size—but I'll fight to the death for it! Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor t was pandemonium in Metropolis at Metrotown on November 23 as hordes of shoppers fought for Black Friday sales. Their prize? Items they didn’t need—or even want. “I just bought the ugliest pants I’ve ever seen,” Phillip Kristofferson, 26, said. “Seriously, they’re butt-ugly. But I'll be damned if anyone else in this mall could buy them. I fought, and I fought hard for these pleated brown trousers that I'll probably never even wear.” Though Black Friday is primarily an American tradition (following American Thanksgiving, also known as the celebration of a cultural genocide), many Canadian retailers have adopted the “holiday” as their own. “Lots of the things I bought are just articles of clothing that I called ‘too ugly to even look at, let alone buy’ in the summer,’ sad Sophie Wellings, 24. “Look at this shirt—it says ‘GIRL POWER 4EVER AT THE BEACH.’ What does that even mean? Does that mean that | can’t have ‘GIRL POWER when I’m not at the beach? Anyways, because it was on sale, I absolutely had to have it.” Store owners were certainly reaping the profits of the holiday. “Tt’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen,” Trisha Rowes, manager of Below the Belt, told reporters. “We didn’t even have anything on sale. People went absolutely nuts for our mid-quality denim. I saw two ladies almost kill each other over a pair of bootcut jeans. Bootcut isn’t even in style anymore!” After their first hour of interviews, reporters noticed mall patrons becoming more and more aggressive about getting what they perceived were good deals. Swarmed by packs of shoppers who were Weekly horoscopes Have an idea for a story? M humour@theotherpress.ca FO foaming at the mouth, reporters took refuge atop the Starbucks kiosk in the food court, shouting down to interviewees. “I’ve been camped out here since Wednesday,’ Stella Hopkins, 34, yelled up at the Other Press reporters. “] called in sick to work and I’ve been sleeping in a tent and peeing in a jar. I’ve literally lost money on this.” Here Hopkins paused to beat back an elderly grandmother who was attempting to grab her bags. “I've managed to sell some blood toa gang on the first floor for some extra cash. Tons of people are bleeding out from price tag papercuts, so blood is in high demand,” Hopkins tore a strip of fabric off the bottom of her shirt to wrap her fist up. “Okay, wish me luck guys. I’m heading into Aritzia, heard it’s a real bloodbath in there. But you know I need me a cocoon coat!” “Yup, it’s pretty vicious out here,’ mall security guard Stan Blythe, 43, screamed as he roller-skated around the Starbucks » As Jupiter moves in conjunction with the Sun, let the sparks fly! ¢ Shoppers fight Black Friday crows for subpar goods e Guy just snorting away over there ..and more! aa AN N re, kiosk. “Happens every Black Friday.” Blythe used his baton to beat apart two women fighting over a Lululemon bag. “The first floor is pretty much a no-go— there's two rival gangs down there camped out in both The Bay and Sport Chek. The Sport Chek crew has an athletic advantage, but The Bay has their housewares department, so it’s really anyone’s game at this point.” Mid-interview, a series of high-pitched shrieks rang out across the food court. The blood drained from Blythe's face. “Oh God, that’s coming from Forever 21—I have to go! Save yourselves!” he shouted as he skated away. As darkness fell, reporters huddled close in an effort to stay warm. An intern managed to crawl to the pastry case for sustenance. “If you think this is bad, you should see Boxing Day!” information desk worker Aliyah Savoy, 28, yelled as she clung to the A&W sign. Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor ARIES (March 21 — April 20) Something good might be coming your way, Aries! Jupiter in your second house means good luck in your finances. An opportunity may arise that could help you out financially or professionally. Do a little background research, but ultimately trust your intuition when making any bold moves. TAURUS (April 21 - May 21) Bold Jupiter has you feeling the crunch, Taurus. While your first instinct may be to flee at the first sign of trouble, work past it to fully make the connection that you're missing. The pairing of Jupiter and the Sun makes you super-receptive to personal connections (business or romantic). GEMIN| (May 22 — June 22) This week allows you to see both sides of every issue. Your psyche has felt a little foggy the past few weeks, but this astral pairing helps to clear the waters. Relief is near—but only if you come to terms about what you truly desire. The power is in your grasp! CANCER (June 22 - July 23) Partying too hard, staying up late, too many bags of kettle chips—your body may be a temple but you've been treating it more like a motel. No matter how lax you've been lately, now is the best time for you to get it all back on track. Have a night in, clean your room, and recharge! (July 24 - Aug 23) Full speed ahead, Leo! Confident Jupiter lets you put all of your plans into action—not that you needed the boost. Move forward with any plans for work, travel, or showing affection to that certain someone. Nobody in mind? Check out any venues or holiday parties. Your vibes are all that are needed! & ViRGCO (Aug 24 — Sept 23) Have you been feeling boxed-in lately? Take a look at your surroundings. A good house haul (or move!) is what’s really needed. Shift your furniture around or buy a couple of house plants. Changing the atmosphere will help you feel more at home and grounded in your current digs. LIBRA (Sept 24 — Oct 23) Your outgoing nature means you meet interesting people at every turn, Libra! Your challenge this week will be slowing down enough to really get to know them. Someone in your social sphere has something to offer you. Whether or not you accept is up to you! ‘SCORPIO (Oct 24 — Nov 22) Have you been feeling the déja vu lately? Little coincidences that you notice might be the universe trying to tell you something. Use them for some self-reflection. Is there a lesson that needs to be learned, or a lesson you need to teach someone else? This is the time to turn it all around! A ‘ie SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23 — Dec 21) Your daydreamy nature means you always have your head in the clouds, Sagittarius. But have you been having some crystal-clear dreams lately? Your subconscious may be trying to tell you something! Face any problems that arise head-on, but moving forward, always trust your gut. CAPRICORN (Dec 22 — Jan 20) Though it’s in your nature to plan far, far ahead, domestic drama may turn your life upside-down this week. Overwhelming? Yes. But nothing you can’t handle! Try making a list of your problems and knock them out one by one. You'll have a handle on everything before you know it! gS. AQUARIUS iS, (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Your social life is due for a revival this week, Aquarius! Hold onto your hat as the invitations come flooding in. Say yes to everything that comes your way—a special connection is sure to come through. Make sure to be a gracious guest because you never know who's listening! PISCES (Feb 20 — Mar 20) You've been working hard, Pisces, and it shows! Oftentimes you feel like the fruits of your labour go unnoticed, but this week will be all about you. Bask in the admiration of friends and acquaintances alike—but don’t let your head get too big! A humble winner is the best winner, after all.