_| called, complete with high-tech weapons. D.G Black, Bert C. Ennah, and Chad DITORIAL Well, here we are at the end of yet another semester. What does that mean? EXAMS EXAMS EXAMS. Yay! Before you start, or continue in some cases, pulling out your hair to prepare for these feeble meters of your knowl- edge and ability, think about this: One of the worst influences on your ability to memorize, recall, and perform, is stress. If you're going to study your ass off, plan for a two-hour break somewhere in there to replace it. You'll look pretty stu- pid without an ass... Besides, if you remain assless, you'll start studying other parts of your body off. Eventually, you won't have a hand left to write the exam, and it would suck if you had to stand up through the whole thing, anyway. Take a break. Relax. Maybe eat a Kit Kat or something. One fact you may like to know: it has been clinically proven that the libido of the average student aged 18-30 triples dur- ing exam time. It's true. So, grab your fave partner, study up a storm, and do what comes naturally. Pardon the pun. Once the exam mess is over, it's back to the books for some, off to work at shitty summer jobs for others, and over to the sandy shores for the rest. Whatever your summer months have in store, or storage, for you, have a good one! We love you guys, really we do! ress April 8, 1994 The Other Press is Douglas College's autonomous student newspaper. We've been here since 1976. We aim to serve the stu- dents, staff, and faculty of Douglas College with a newspaper that informs them of things happening at the college, across Canada, and around the world that affect them. We also aim to give the college and community a chance to write and express themselves. We also aim to be an interesting read. If we're not doing any or all of these things to your liking, please let us know. You can mail a letter to us at Box 2503, New Westminster, BC, V3L 5B2, or drop it off at the mailroomwhich is right beside our office, or you can fax us at 527- 5095, or you can call us at 525-3542, or you can come see us at Room 1020 in Douglas College's New West campus. We like you.... eee staff this issue ‘Jason Kurylo looked at his watch, and figured it was just about time he and Tara Meiklejohn went hunting for lapinis verte grande, a rare breed of huge green rabbit, only found in some parts of South America and Tony Sousa's backyard. They left Holly Keyes’ house when she ran out of chocolate easter eggs. Angus Adair was wont to follow, so off they went to Tony's place. They were surprised to find Manjit Brar, and Dug Hébert drinking coffee in the kitchen, talking worriedly. Daniela Zanatta and Ronnie Bains had gone miss- ing in the jungle of Tony's backyard! They had to be found. A search party was Iverson wanted nothing to do with the whole mess, and left to get an asparagus pizza. Things were tense, as the green bunnies had set up effigies of Mike Dutton, Candice Lee, Jim Irving, Trent Ernst, and Lisa Marie Aarts to confuse them. Finally, after hours of searching they found them. The situation had calmed down. In tense negotiations, Patrick Lane and Candace Brown worked out an equitable arrangement, in which the bunnies received 4,000 pounds of choco- late easter eggs per annum. In return, the green hares agreed not to tear out their throntums. Unfortunately, Tim Crumley is listed among the few who didn't make it outof the whole mess alive, and thus won't again be seen jigging to rastabilly skank, as he oft was. Sean Veley would have been pleased. Coordinating Staff Production — vacant (Tim Crumley acting) News — vacant Features — vacant Sports — vacant Arts & Entertainment — Tara Meiklejohn Editorials & Opinion — Manjit Brar Classified — Dug Hebért ~ Photography — Mike Dutton Graphics — vacant Office — Tim Crumley If you are interested in becoming involved in the paper, or taking on coordinating duties, please call 525-3542. Other Press April 8, 1994 =e POLITICTAN | SMURF winuoin4 ey | AueyD ouy prudeld dno Letters If she catches you, watch out.... Dear Other Press: This letter is to all you assholes out there who insist upon using the handicap button to open doors for you because you are too GOD DAMN FUCKING LAZY to reach out and push it open with your hand. When I see you do this I want to kick you in the fucking ass! Because of your inability to learn how to properly open a door, these EXPENSIVE doors must be repaired constantly, due to people kicking them open with their feet and just from the plain OVERUSE. Have you ever thought about the physically challenged people who must use these doors?? Have you ever considered how it feels to these people when the doors don’t work because some NO-MIND like yourself is either too lazy or too stupid to know whether to PUSH or PULL??? People like you really need a slap in the head. Someday, you may be in need of assistance of one of these automated doors and I REALLY HOPE that the big red knob doesn’t work, because some IDIOT just like you, broke it. Karyn Wilde Hey wow! Somebody likes us, mom! Dear Other Press: I would like to congratulate the people who are responsible for the great job done on the issue ofThe Other Press released on the 12th of March of this current year. I had noticed a lack of unity and aesthetics as well as variety in the past issues of the Other Press that made me reluctant to reach out my hands to grab a copy, especially on issues previous to this current one. Nonetheless, the cover of the March 12th issue caught my attention. It looked significantly different than the last issue. It had a “Something” to it, the lay-out of the cover page looked very professional and it caused me to extend my hand and grab a copy. Later on, as I browsed through the pages that same “Something” kept me interested in the contents of this issue, and guess what it was?: The Other Press crew did a God damn good job on this issue which deserves being pointed out, credited and congratulated. My relations with the Other Press had not been the best in the last couple of semesters but, hey, I can make an exception this time and felicitate those who worked very hard (overnight) to materialize this particular issue. I feel that the person who worked on the cover of this issue should be given merit for his outstanding job, of course it was no accident that he did such a good job - He (Jason) had to stay working graveyard hours for 3 nights in a row to get it done. So for this, I will acknowledge that people who work hard at things to deliver results to serve others should be recognized and not left behind the curtains in this rostrum called Life. Oscar Lardizabal N. Hilarity found around TO: all staff FROM: anonymous re: (yet more) better uses for an office memo * poster a hundred copies of it in the author's neighbourhood, so everyone knows what an anal retentive pinhead s/he is. * crumple it up and clog the toilets at the mall * make spitballs -* practice forging the bosses' signature * slash your wrists (paper cuts, ya know) * glue it to your supervisors’ desk * make paper pirate hats and have yourself a mutiny » draw a picture of the boss and put it through the shredder | * draft your letter of resignation * empty the water cooler on the floor and make paper boats for the new ‘lake’ * feed the starving (oops, that's impossible) * house the homeless (uh.... that's not possible either * play tic-tac-toe until lunch » folding the memo a few times, use it to block the latch of the fire exit, enabling you to come back after hours to commit heinous pranks * correct (in red) for spelling, puctuation, and grammar and return with grade * cut out masks and play Lone Ranger Found kicking around campus Democracy Doesn't Work Dear Other Press, I'd like to point something out that seems to elude even the edu- cated folk around campus. Democracy doesn't work. Not many people like to pay credence to this truth, but that doesn't make it go away. Rationalization is commonly used to ignore democracy's incompetence. The problems in electing someone who will accurately and fairly represent us all are not simply minor flaws in our or someone else's particular system. A Nobel Prize was handed out to the man who produced a thorough study of the paradox of voting to show that no democracy anywhere could ever fullfill it's mandate without resorting to dicatorship. Kinda explains some stuff huh? Yeltsin firing on his own parliament. Trudeau's War Measures Act.Even the Douglas College Student Society having an election where I witnessed someone vote twice. A.C. Assandra