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(Y Disney princesses can be role models, too...
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Contact: Sharon Miki, Humour Editor

4 humour@theotherpress.ca

www.theotherpress.ca

 

People I can do without

» A list of those who should rethink their lives

Alex Stanton
Staff Writer

‘d say every single person has

a list similar to mine—a list
of people whom they either
disapprove of or will never
associate with, whether it’s for
one reason or several. Now,
I feel qualified to write a list
like this, simply because I’ve

never encountered anyone who :
: hear women in Vancouver say

: they find itsexydoesn't mean:
: you should ruina perfectly good :
: head of hair toimpressthem.I :
: got my sister to make mea man

: bun, just for shits and giggles. It

: was the single worst experience

: of my life, a distant first-place to :
: life events such as detoxing from :
: an opiate addiction, losing my :
: virginity in the back of my band- :
: mate’s Pathfinder, and watching :
: Freddy Got Fingered. :

would put me on their own
lists. So without further adieu,
in no particular order, here is
a comprehensive list of people
who should, perhaps, drop
what they’re doing and just
figure it out.

1. Stereotypical
Vancouverites: If the idea
of communicating outside
of texting scares you; if you
obsess over kelp chips, hot yoga,
and being a more progressive
health nut than everyone else;
if you wear man buns or find
them attractive (I'll get to you
guys later); if you see everyone
outside of Vancouver proper
as “suburban hicks’; if you're
an inconsiderate, downright
shitty driver—then you are the
main reason people are kidding
themselves when they call
Vancouver a “world-class city.”

: out bottles of Febreeze as

: end-of-appointment prizes:
: Self-explanatory, assuming

: youre at an age where you

: know which part of the body a
: gynaecologist specializes in.

2. Men who think

: Vancouver women are stuck- :
: up bitches: I won't give you shit :
: for your sexist opinion—I'll leave :
: that up to feminists. Its not my:
: place. The problem isn’t with the :
: bitchy women, it’s with you and

: the fact that you have less game

: than an Atari joystick.

3. Those with man buns:
Really, guys? Just because you

4. Gynaecologists who hand

5- Men who wear fedoras

or trilbys with street clothes:
: Tmean, what the hell, man. Al:
: Capone is forever rolling around :

 

: inhis syphilis-ridden grave.

6. People who see

: something interesting going

on and feel the need to take

: aselfie with it: Youre driving

: on highway 99, and a brick just

: went through the windshield of
: a family vehicle, killing a wife

: and mother of three. You should
: call gu. “But first—lemme take

: aselfie!”

7. People who just film

: shit all the time in general:

Everyone who does this has one

: thing in common—they are

: all some of the most boring,

: uninteresting people I’ve ever
: met.

8. Stoner’s who have Bob

: Marley’s face on all their
: shirts and bongs: The guy was
: areggae musician (a fantastic

one at that), not your patron

: saint of weed. Let sleeping dogs
: lie.

Image from FindingJackie.com

: and are smarter than everyone in
: the room, because identifying as
: non-religious is so uncommon

: and youre just asking to be

: oppressed. Go back to reddit

: where you can debate your

: superior intelligence with fellow
: involuntarily celibate folks.

10. People who have nothing

better to do than make lists of
: people they don’t like: Okay,

; . : sol amon someone's list.
9g. Condescending atheists: :

We get it, you don’t believe in
: God. You're super enlightened

11. People who end lists on

: anodd number

 

Everything you need to Know about
the upcoming transit referendum

» From the ‘yes’ side to the B-side

“hs, Jacey Gibb

The Peak (NUW)
etween March 16 and
May 29, voters in Metro

Vancouver will have the

option to vote “yes” or “no”
in the upcoming transit and

transportation referendum. As is :
: cities — Vancouver, Surrey,
: Port Coquitlam, and New

: Westminster—and several other :
: civic representatives have come
: forward in support of a “yes”

: vote,

brief compilation of the different : .
: The “NO” side

expected with any decision that
will affect a large population,
many sides to the debate have
emerged, with people either
supporting or opposing the 0.5
per cent tax increase. Here isa

sides and perspectives that you
need to know about before the
referendum starts.

: The “YES” side

: passengers reported in 2013,

: the number of people already

: using TransLink’s services

: means a built-in group for

: those who might be in favour

: of increased/improved services.

praise for the referendum, with
: several opponents, including

With 232.5 million

As well, mayors of four affected

: the mayor of West Vancouver,

: Michael Smith, claiming that

: TransLink should be using its

: current budget more efficiently
: rather than asking for more.

: Another group saying “no” to

: the referendum is the DDOV, or
: Debbie Downers of Vancouver,

: who are basically against

: everything all of the time.

: The “no means yes” side

Anewcomer to the

: debate, the “no means yes”
: side represents the part of the

: population who are obsessed

Not everyone is singing high

: with double-negatives and

advocate for clarity anarchy. By

: voting “no” in the referendum,
: residents of the Greater

: Vancouver are saying “yes” to

: increased traffic congestion,

: longer wait times for buses, and
: less frequent SeaBuses.

: The B-side

A lesser known—though

: equally important—side to

: the referendum debate, the

: B-side is often dismissed as

: having opinions that are less

: catchy than the mainstream

: groups, but they should still be
: appreciated for being a good

: argument regardless.

The flip side

The new, cool side to the

debate that the youth of today
: can easily relate to. Their
: platform calls for more high-

: kicks and Slurpees for breakfast,
: but are generally opposed to
: going to bed early.

: The Blind Side

Released in 2009, this

: film follows the story of NFL

: offensive lineman Michael Oher
: and his relationship with legal

: guardian Leigh Anne Tuohy. The
: pair were portrayed by Quinton

: Aaron and Sandra Bullock,

: respectively. This became one of
: Bullock’s most acclaimed roles,

: earning her the Academy Award
: for Best Actress.

The dark side

Formally known as

TransLink.