Feature.

The after-graduation dilemma
To dream or not to dream

By Dominique Leclair

iguring out the rest of your
Hie is heady stuff. How are

you supposed to know what
you want five years from now?

That's exactly what one of

my classes in the Print Futures:
Professional Writing program is
asking me to do. I’m supposed
to make a career plan: chart out
where I want to be in the immediate
future, the next one to three years,
the next three to five years, and
beyond, if I can. It isn’t like I
haven't thought about my dream
job. I’ve been thinking about it
my whole life, and I’ve had a few
dreams.

A Star is Born (and Worn Out)

My first real attempt at following
my dream began when I was 18
and I started taking acting classes. I
wanted to be an actress. I’ve loved
being in front of an audience and
the centre of attention my whole
life. There might still be a few really
bad home videos out there of me
hamming it up for the camera. It
was embarrassing then, and I have
no doubt, it would be mortifying
now, but that’s an actor for you.

By the time I turned 25, I was
living in LA, pursuing acting.
When I was acting I always knew
when I was in the zone. Something
amazing and beautiful would
happen, like I was flying. Seriously.
Flying. It is exactly what I imagine
it would feel like if my body could
spontaneously sprout wings and
I could take off and join the birds.
The same thing happens when
I’m writing and in the zone. I feel
transported and everything fits and
everything for one moment makes
perfect sense. Perfect. Sense.

Still, [looked at my life then,
and what I saw wasn’t the dream.

I could have kept going, but my
fear in that moment—of not living
the dream even though I was there,
and the possibility that that might
not change if I stayed—made me
move back to Vancouver and try
and be someone else; the someone
that other people in my life were
more comfortable and accepting of.
I thought it would be enough.

Living the Legacy

I came to Douglas six-and-a-half
years ago to begin the journey
of getting a bachelor’s degree in
political science and sociology—

14

doing what had always been
planned for me. Don’t get me
wrong; | love both those areas a lot.
They get me fired up. They get me
charged and passionate, but they
don’t make me feel like I’m flying.

From the time I was four years
old, I knew I was expected to go
to university and get a degree.

My mother told me I would be

the third generation of women to
go to university, a legacy of sorts.
And it is true; to meet a peer of
my generation to have both their
mother and grandmother be
university graduates is rare. So,

I made the choice to try it their
way and, in doing so, I gave up on
myself and what I knew in my heart
to be true.

So, I went to UBC to finish my
degree—and I crashed. My heart
wasn’t in it; I felt like I was in a race
I didn’t want to run. It burned me
out and changed how I saw myself.

Iam a naturally vibrant person,
and I tend to do silly things like
improvisational dances in the
streets. I will make jokes because
I love to hear the trill of laughter.
But after spending three and a
half years manipulating myself to
be someone I’m not, the laughter
stopped and with it my heart.

New Directions

When I did my university transfer
courses, I did notice the Print
Futures program, but I wasn’t about
to try for something that felt like

a dream at that point. I was still
mourning the loss of my acting
career and was determined to shut
out everything that reminded me of
what it felt like to be in my element.

Plus, writing had that dubious
ring to it, the same ring that acting
had, which so many people (not just
my family) had been so skeptical of.
And I thought my failure in LA had
proved them right. I wasn’t going to
look foolish for a second time. I had
left LA to get a degree and that was
exactly what I was going to do. lam
determined in that way. If I say I’m
going to do something, I will. It was
this determination that had gotten
me to LA at 21 in the first place. So
I pushed the idea of going into the
Print Futures program aside.

Thad to hit my rock bottom;
living a life that made me miserable
enough to realize that I could no
longer fight who I was and what
made life meaningful to me. And
it is this that motivated me to do

 

Believing in a dream can be daunting. Seeing your future ahead of you
and knowing which is the right choice for you is hard. But figuring out
what means the most to you and realizing those dreams can be the best
reward life can offer. It is in the struggle to achieve any dream that you
learn the most about who you are and what your life means.

something. I had to. I couldn’t
continue to live a life that made me
so unhappy.

At that time, to help me
through my feelings of failure
and disappointment, I wrote. All
I did was write, and it dawned on
me that maybe there was a way
to straddle both worlds. I didn’t
think I would go for a dream,
but I thought maybe I could find
contentment in doing something
I enjoyed. A compromise. And
I remembered the Print Futures
writing program.

Print Futures was a gamble—I
could fail and disappoint myself
again. Could I survive that kind of
heartbreak once more? I guarantee
you, it is exactly the same as
breaking up with your most
passionate lover. But, the choice
was mine. I’d learned that trying to
warp yourself into someone you’re
not comfortable with could do more
damage inside than you would by
struggling to achieve the thing you
believe in most.

Producing Success: Reaching for
Another Dream

Now, I’ve learned that the question
I need to ask myself is, “Will these
jobs let me fly? Can I once again be
with the birds, looking down and
seeing how marvelous and fantastic

 

 

and beautiful the earth really is?
Which choice is really going to feed
me in all the ways that matter?”

Oh, don’t worry, I will still be
able to pay the rent. Print Futures
has shown me all the responsible,
sensible, stable career choices that
lay before me, and jobs that will
pay the bills and let me go on
vacation. No matter what anyone
tells you, no matter how logical
and sensible or responsible you are
(because I am also all those things
too), following your dreams does
not mean death and starvation. On
the contrary, it means oxygen and
life. You will live in a way that you
might not understand if you’ve
never felt it before, but it is the best
kind of living there is.

So, as I prepare to graduate
from Print Futures, I will strive
for the stars and my dream job
once more, and I will try melding
my love of the dramatic arts with
my literary sensibilities to be a
producer. It was always where
I thought acting would lead me
eventually; it’s a way for me to
share the stories that others want
to see. It’s a way for me to marry
acting and writing together.

I thought it would be difficult
to choose my dream job, but when
you get right down to it, it isn’t
really a choice at all.