LPR aia eee Ay theotherpress.ca Does a gag ball count as a mask? » Glory holes, masks, and mutual masturbation: sex under COVID-19 Bone Me Henry Contributor it’s no surprise that romance— and sex—is in the air. With the current pandemic and public health orders, some people to navigate. Fortunately for us, back in July the BC Provincial Health Officer Bonnie Henry, Canada’s Chief Public Health Officer Theresa Tam, and the CDC relayed some handy guidelines for — with your partner to keep up with social The perfect Valentine's Day § >» How to keep the romance alive Sonam Kaloti Arts Editor lanning the perfect Valentine’s Day comes with a cost— both literally and figuratively. Last year I booked an Airbnb to host a Harry Potter movie marathon complete with chocolate frogs and a cute calendar made of couple pictures from a local mall kiosk. This year, it’s my partner’s turn to plan the date, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a few tricks up my sleeve. Nonetheless, if it’s your turn to plan the special day and youre so lost youre thinking about becoming the Lord of the Flies, look no further. Here are a few COVID-friendly tips to make your February 14 as memorable as can be. The who, what, where, when, and how are the essence of creating a night to remember. Who is involved in your V-day plans? Easy enough—you and your partner(s)— don't make the mistake of making this a family occasion, please (your partner and I will never forgive you). Don’t invite friends either; Valentine’s Day isn’t about partying it up with the “bros,” that’s for Galentine’s Day on February 13. Make sure to ask your partner out for Valentine’s Day, even if you've been together for fifty years. There’s charm and intimacy in being asked out on a special date—utilize this to your advantage; it keeps the romance alive. Onto the “what”; it’s Valentine’s Day of course! Though, this is also the hardest to figure out. I’m sure youre sick of being told to go out into nature, and in this rainy weather, it may seem more like a nightmare than a date. However, Vancouver is beautiful rain or shine, and how long has it been since you and your partner actually went outside? Don’t knock it till you try it. Maybe start the day with a hike and catch the sunrise at the top. It’s a people to follow so they can fornicate in a coronavirus-friendly fashion. The first thing they recommend: Wee Valentine’s Day fast approaching, not having sex at all. That’s right, like abstinence-framed sexual education class, the BC government and CDC are recommending people to refrain from however, lovemaking may be difficult for intercourse entirely. They say the best course of action is to release your sexual energy solo style. And as if everyone is not already sick of Zoom meetings, they also recommend having a virtual wank for everybody involved: The CDC explains that besides yourself, the second safest person to have sex with is someone who has had contact with you and no one else. This includes people you live with, so maybe it’s time to shack up with one of your roommates. In case youre feeling sick or have any symptoms, obviously skip the sexy time. Even if you're feeling healthy, it is still recommended that people wear masks during copulation because the heavy breathing that accompanies this workout can create more droplets that could transmit the virus. On top of that, they say avoiding kissing or any saliva exchange is a safe course of action. The CDC website also states that the virus has been found in semen and fecal matter, so maybe hold off on the scat or creampies during this pandemic. They also explain that washing your bodies before and after coitus and thoroughly cleaning all sex toys is also important to pandemic hanky-panky. Another guideline is to avoid sexual positions with face-to-face contact, as this can also contribute to the spread. Sorry to sure-fire way to start the day right and keep the happy endorphins going through to the night. There are pretty patio restaurants, sure, but why succumb yourself to the constant fear of catching something from people nearby? If it’s nice out, have a picnic. If it’s not nice out—have a picnic! All you need is an umbrella and a jacket, and you'll have a memorable Valentine’s Day for sure. Think a few years from now when you reminisce on the time you had a romantic picnic in the rain. Bonus points if you bring a portable speaker and have a barefoot dance in the grass. Yes, it’s cheesy, but we're alive to live these kinds of moments, so play out The Notebook if you so desire. Movie marathons are a win. It doesn’t matter what else you do, but ending the night cuddled up cozy with snacks makes up for even the worst days. Speaking of snacks: bring them everywhere—chocolate fondue with strawberries, chocolate Turtles (any chocolate really), candy, caramel popcorn. Nothing says love like toothaches. The “where” branches out depending on the “what,” but stay safe, secluded, and wear a mask! If home is where the heart is, then stay home. Food delivery apps exist for a reason. For “when,” why not all day? If you've only started dating recently, don’t subject your love to a socially exhausting trap and keep the date short: five hours max in the afternoon. Be out during the daylight since you're going to want to see each other’s faces. This is “how” you have a beautifully romantic Valentine’s Day. Remember that the greatest thing you can give your partner is your time and attention. All the razzle-dazzle comes only second to your love. distancing guidelines. So, get out those dildos, vibrators, butt-plugs, and whatever else you need to get off virtually. Let’s be real, asking people to not have sex during a time as stressful as this is impossible—also a little cruel. People are still going to have sex whether there is a pandemic or not because it’s good for emotional, physical, and mental well- being (even the CDC website explains this). So, if you must have sex here are some tips from the CDC to make it safer those who prefer the classic “missionary” position, but it’s time to switch it up. Some positions that avoid face contact and therefore deemed COVID-19 safe are doggie style, reverse cowgirl (if you have the leg strength, yeehaw!), the wheelbarrow, leapfrog, and of course the classic and disgusting sixty-nine position. If that’s not kinky enough for you, the CDC also recommends the use of glory holes or walls to keep you distanced from your sexual partner. BC’s recommendation of glory holes made international news last summer and YouPorn Vice President Charlie Hughes liked it so much he sent Minister of Health of BC, Adrian Dix a $100,000 grant to support the construction of glory holes province-wide. Hopefully, we will see that development in the coming years. In case you're still not feeling safe enough to seek out sex with another person, and you're bored of the same ol routine that comes with self-pleasure, there’s another safe alternative to having sex during this pandemic: sex dolls. The best part is you don’t even have to go out to a shady store to get access to one! In December 2020, Vancouver is Awesome reports that a sex doll delivery service called Aura S Dolls has launched in Vancouver, and business is booming apparently. Since dolls can’t transmit the virus, many people have been seeking out this service as a COVID-19 friendly alternative. But get your booking in soon as the company currently only has one doll, so the company has seen almost 20 customers each month. Currently, the doll costs $250 for one night and $350 for two (including tax). Photo by Sonam Kaloti