Douglas College announces new campus In Fraser River » ‘This campus is necessary’ says Douglas College President and CEO Craig Allan Staff Writer Imost 50 years ago, Douglas College (DC) was founded in New Westminster. 30 Years ago, DC opened the David Lam Coquitlam Campus. In 2018, DC opened a new location inside the Anvil Office Tower. Now DC will be embarking ona new campus location in preparation for the 50th anniversary of the college’s founding: a campus located inside the Fraser River. With images released by the school, this campus will not be floating in the river, but be completely underwater. It will be an underwater glass building with massive tubes that will propel people from the bottom of the Fraser, to the Quay near where Eighth Street begins. “This campus is necessary” says President and CEO of Douglas College at a news conference announcing the new campus on October 2. “This campus will provide us with another great location to teach and train future students to handle the complex problems society will be facing in the future—like submarine repair and fish CPR.” When asked if any scientific courses like marine biology or ecology will be taught at the campus, the president said “No, we don't think that would be a good fit. This will be a facility for submarine repair and fish CPR, as I mentioned, also nursing and criminology of course.” Though it won't be available at first, Denton says that there are plans to build a pneumatic tube people-mover connection on the Surrey side of the river. They just need to get approval from the Surrey mayor, but she is pushing back on the idea as she is in favour of a SkyTrain to the facility—but contrary to the Surrey mayor, the DC President says “A SkyTrain to the facility is just ridiculous.” When asked why the campus is moving forward with such a new ambitious campus plan when they already have three different locations, the President said, “The reason why we are moving forward on this is because we have made so much money from tuition fees this year, and the only suitable way I can see us using this massive...” The President paused to stretch her arms out. She then continued, “Massive surplus of money is to invest ul in this campus. | mean what are we going to do? Lower the fees? Give the money back? No!” The President is confident in the project. She believes students will love learning under the soothing flow of the crystal blue river, and the frolicking of the fish and octopi. While the President admits that there is a chance of water leaking into the facility, she states that if it does happen there will bea trained crew of dome repair men that will be based at the New Westminster campus. When word of a leak is detected, they will run down Eighth Street with sealant and any other supplies that may be necessary. Though the campus idea is ambitious, the President says that the Frasier River is not the end of DC’s campus additions, as plans are already in the works for new campus locations. “I can't reveal anything now, but let me tell you that soon the future will be so bright for our graduates that they will be able to see stars,’ she said while winking. “Space campus, it will be a space campus,” the President said immediately after. Illustration by Janis McMath Three ways to die 1n a haunted corn maze » Tip: run directly through the hedges Isabelle Orr Contributor ere any of you wondering where I went? Well, after I was hit by the 99 B-Line, my body was cryogenically frozen and placed in a deep freezer under Red Gate, as per my Last Will and Testament. Unfortunately, due to Halloween, my soul was dragged out of Hell and forced to come back and write for the Other Press. But fear not, readers! My naturally straight teeth, blonde, equally straight hair, and five-foot- nine rail-thin body are all perfectly fine and untouched by the ruins of death. Looking for a fun autumn activity to take a Tinder date on? With a corn maze, you have the added benefits of smooching in secret, seeing how well you can work together towards a common goal, and fleeing in terror from an unknown threat that is hungry for blood. Chainsaw man Like many others before him, this guy carries the weight of toxic masculinity, a lack of empathy, and the knowledge that he and his father won't ever have the relationship either of them really needs. Unlike many other people, this guy also has a chainsaw. Nothing bonds a couple faster than hiding from a dude wearing another dude’s face, so make sure you squeeze in some quality time with your sweetie before being turned into pumpkin puree. Scary twins Even regular twins give most people the creeps, so weird little glowing girl twins are twice as bad. Something freaky happened to these two Victorian girls— it was probably something tragic, interesting, and related to the Great Depression, but who really wants to stick around to find out? Whatever is was, it’s made them thirsty for human blood. On this plus side, this opens up a discussion with your date about whether or not either of you want kids! Unseen presence Something’s chasing you, but youre not sure what! The ghosts of relationships past, and the subconscious fear that just like the other ones, you'll mess this up too? Nope! It’s probably a ghost or alien or something. But don’t worry, even though you can‘ see it, it’s definitely there—like sexual hang-ups or an avoidant attachment style. This is good preparation for your future relationship; will you face your problems head-on, or will you ignore them until they literally kill you? The choice is yours! Looking for a fun autumn activity to take a Tinder date on?