¢ Which ‘Sex and the City’ character are you? Have an idea for a story? M humour@theotherpress.ca * City bus just one big travelling germ ¢ New dating app mixes love with hate # Which ‘Sex and the City’ ry “ail character are you? > Even though you've never watched the show and don’t know who anyone is Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor Uns you're like me and have oodles and oodles of time that is supposed to be spent “writing your section’ and “getting groceries” and “leaving the house to refill your antidepressant prescription,’ you've probably never seen HBO’s smash hit Sex and the City (that’s right, it’s and the city, not in the city—I know, I know, I was shocked too). Why? Because it was the show your mom or cool aunt watched, and if you recall the hazy bits from your childhood memory, nothing much went on and all they did was have sex with primarily straight white men. While this is all true, Sex and the City is something I’ve sunk a lot of time and effort into, so I invite you all to take my quiz! Youre out for brunch with your best gal pals after a wild night out! You order: a) poached eggs with dry whole wheat toast b) an omelette with all the fixings c) you like lunch for breakfast—a fajita d) you like your breakfast like you like your sweaty, late gos to early 2000s businessmen—hot and preferably Ethiopian (black coffee) Oh no! You've broken your Louboutins while sprinting away from an ex. You hobble into a shopping mall to buy: a) a new cell phone to call your husband sobbing so he can send a car to pick you up b) asensible pair of white sneakers with the most Godawful laces you've ever seen in your life (seriously, this show aired in 1999 So you've gotta watch it just to see the whack fashion) c) nothing, you leave the mall to go straight to a Louboutin store to buy a newer, more expensive pair—completely negating the fact that you barely make any money as a sex columnist, or at least not enough for those insanely pricey outfits and a blowout each episode???! d) a new vibrator Time to party! Someone’s invited you to the opening of the hottest new restaurant in the Meatpacking District. Who do you bring as your date? a) your husband who you love very much and also converted to Judaism for (I actually stan this storyline, so cute) b) nobody, you go alone, which isa terrible choice because you usually make terrible choices, like your haircuts from the first season onwards c) any one of the horrible, talentless men that are so far beneath you it’s crazy, like how about that writer guy who was actually SUCH a baby and was mad at your success?? Don't even get me started on Big’s emotional manipulation or Aidan’s big-ass receding hairline!!! d) sex person for sex Mostly “A’s You're Charlotte, who is pretty hot but so stuck up and sorry, kind of the worst one out of the bunch. But she is really pretty and gets to date Kyle MacLachlan so that’s a huge plus for you. However, throughout the seasons she says some pretty insensitive things about race, class, and gender, so, you know. Maybe work on that. Mostly “B’s You're Miranda, a big ole stick-in-the- mud. Yeah, yeah. I know. You're supposed to hate her because she “speaks the truth.” Honestly though, that haircut is the most INSANE thing I’ve ever seen on national television! Did nobody say, “Hey guys, let’s give the sad sack LOSER an okay haircut for once,” at ALL during filming? I do like Steve though. Mostly “C’s You're Carrie, the star of the show and somehow the one with the least amount of personality. You know what I’ve always wondered? Can everyone, including the rest of the girls AND all of Carrie’s suitors, read her columns? How whack would it be if every guy she hooked up with (or who hooked up with any of her friends) went online and was like, “Huh, looks like Miranda told her really famous and apparently rich sex advice columnist friend that my semen tastes weird.” Why would anyone in their right minds start a relationship with someone who wrote about their sex life on a weekly basis? By the way, look for my sex column in next week's issue. Mostly “D’s (ha ha, classic Samantha) Congratulations! You're Samantha, the best one. Yes, literally everything you say is a one-liner, and I think (spoilers? Though I might be wrong!) you get cancer later in the season (I haven't finished it, sorry!). But you havea bangin’ bod, a hilarious voice, and can apparently orgasm at will. Plus, she’s the only non- heteronormative one. We could all stand to bea little more like Samantha Jones! ..and more! Horoscopes Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor » What do the stars say this week? fter a brief hiatus for shenanigans, I return to tell you what the cosmos has in store for you this time around the sun! ARIES (March 21 — April 20) A classic Aries move, sometimes getting into your own head takes you too far away from the present. Think of something to ground you—seeing a friend, relative, or even doing something by yourself. Your feelings are valid! TAUFUS (April 21 — May 20) Big life changes have been making you feel off-balance. Not sure how to get yourself back into the groove? Go through old tweets, blog posts, or Instagram pictures and curate as needed. It'll feel like a fresh start for yourself! GEMINI (May 22 — June 22) The moon in Pisces brings great energy to you, Gemini! Though it might be tempting to channel that energy into less productive pursuits, keep your goals in mind. Working towards a goal can be more rewarding than immediate gratification! Fane CANCER ™ (June 22 - July 23) Feeling burnt out? You've been trying hard to keep your head above the water. Thanks to your alignment with Jupiter this this month, you might feel obligated to take your low mood personally. Try to laugh it off—it’s all in your head! ge LEO (July 24 - Aug 23) Though asking for help might seem to be the easiest answer, look inward and follow your intuition. As your Uranus moves into the compatible sign Virgo, you'll feel a need to reflect inwards on the self. Think about your own goals and motivation and work outwards. You'll find all your answers. V/RGO (Aug 24 — Sept 23) Being in the thick of Pisces season dredges up feelings and memories from the past. It’s easy to dwell on old pain, but why do that when so many people are vying for your attention? Use this time to focus your energy into social engagements, gatherings, and patties. LIBRA (Sept 24 — Oct 23) If you thought you were safe from Pisces season, think again. You're no stranger to feeling jittery and anxious. This time, however, try focusing on artistic channels. Draw, paint, sculpt— any form of creative expression will help you work yourself out! SCOPPIO (Oct 24 — Nov 22) It feels like things are coming up, Scorpio! Your hard work has really paid off. Don’t celebrate just yet—keep your mind focused on everything you have to accomplish before reaching your goal. You're almost at the finish line! EM SAGITARIUS (Nov 23 — Dec 21) Feeling those typical mood swings? With so much going on around you, it’s been hard to keep a level head. Use your down time for stretching or mindful meditation to come back into your own. Finding your centre is something that should be done as often as needed! CAPRICORN (Dec 22 — Jan 20) Though gossiping and complaining is a great way to let off steam, be careful who you confide in. Make sure you know who has your back and who’s simply playing the game. Good luck! Gif AQU ARIUS (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Even if things didn’t turn out exactly how you've hoped, you still have you best face forward. Keep moving along and pay attention to people (or things) you werent looking out for the first time around. You might be surprised! PISCES (Feb 20 — Mar 20) This Pisces season has been hard! You've been through a lot of downs, but now it’s time for the ups. Reach out to family, friends—anyone who you think can support you. You're almost there!