Academy shows no
emotion for Emoji Movie

> A film that was most definitely

snubbed by the Oscars

M.O Jee
Movie Enthusiast

 

nother year of the Academy
wards has passed, and, yet

again, I’m disappointed by the
Academy’s choices. Not only was
my favourite movie not selected as a
winner, it wasn’t even nominated!
As a way to show the Academy
a piece of my mind, I’ve put
together a list of exactly who the
Oscars should have gone to.

Best Picture: The Emoji Movie

Tam shocked that such a relevant film
of 2017—nay, our generation—was
not picked up for awards season. This
film answered the pressing question
of what life is like for emojis, a group
of beings forever stuck in our text
messages and copy pastas. This film
changed me, and I’ve been more
considerate to emoji’s ever since.

Best Actor: T.J. Miller, The Emoji Movie

I cannot think of anyone more deserving

of this prestigious award than TJ.
Miller, Hollywood’s Golden Boy. Miller
truly brought magic to the role of Gene
Meh, so much so that even | believed

I was an emoji. He will be forever
remembered alongside legends like
Harvey Weinstein and Louis C.K.

Best Actress: Anna Farris,
The Emoji Movie

Farris’ portrayal of Jailbreak broke
hearts and expectations. She made
an excellent manic pixie dream girl.

Best Director: Tony Leondis,
The Emoji Movie

Only the most decorated director could
pull off a movie like this, and who else
could be trusted other than the director
of Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch.

Best Animated Feature
Film: The Emoji Movie

Sony Pictures does it again with
their dazzling and memorable
animation, which leaves you flooded
with nostalgia from films like Open
Season or Open Season 2. People will
remember this film far more than
some less accomplished films, such
as Up and Beauty and the Beast.

Best Emoji: The Emoji Movie
Obviously.

Best Adapted Screenplay:
The Emoji Movie

The fact that the Academy only picked
films based on books begs the question:
Do they even use screens in their day-
to-day lives? To be so disconnected

that this award can only go to movies
created first on paper is insulting to

our most basic sensibilities. Even the
President of the United States uses his
phone constantly. Those ancient cretins
at the Academy should be ashamed.

Goodnight Pyeongchang

> A fond farewell to the Winter Games

Jerrison Oracion
Senior Columnist

 

Goodnight Pyeongchang.

Goodnight chilly, blizzard-like winds.
Goodnight Soohorang.

Goodnight Peter Mansbear.

Goodnight snowboard
commentators that amazed us
with all their snowboard slang.

Goodnight frightening North
Korea Cheer Team.

Goodnight Scott Moir, who got
the entire country talking.

Goodnight Tessa Virtue, who turned
out to be a big Arkells fan.

Goodnight Kaitlyn Lawes and
John Morris, who won Canada’s
only medal in curling.

Goodnight Chloe Kim.

Goodnight Patrick Chan, who still
cannot beat Yuzuru Hanyu.

Goodnight Kelly Vanderbeek
and Mark McMorris.

Goodnight Ted-Jan Bloemen who
gave us two more medals.

Goodnight Canadian Women’s Hockey
Team, who made our nation weep.

Goodnight Canadian Men’s
Hockey Team, who could have
had that gold medal.

Goodnight bobsledders,
who tied for gold.

Goodnight Brian Orser, who
photobombed an important
moment in his athletes’ lives.

Goodnight Thomas Bach, who
appealed to the youth.

Goodnight EXO.

Goodnight athletes everywhere.

Best Foreign Language
Film: The Emoji Movie

After the whitewashing of Oscars in
years past, it should astound no one
that those selecting awards only speak
English as their first language probably.
Yes, The Emoji Movie was indeed
performed in English, but think of it
this way: English is a foreign language
to the majority of the world, isn’t it? It’s
about time this category reflect that.

 

el

Best Original Song: “Emoji
Ringtone” by Patrick Doyle

For decades Mr. Doyle has been
astounding audiences with his original
film compositions. Truly a master classical
composer, Patrick has reminded us that
brevity is the soul of wit. Never before

has the Academy given this award to a
song under five seconds long, but it’s
about time they widen their horizons.

Photo of T. J. Miller and Kate Gorney via Wikimedia

THEY “Took my BUT a, DAY / HAVE
FAMILY. THEY WHAT IS THEIRS.
BURNED NY VILLAGE. Te BURN WHAT

THEY £0VE.-

 

 

Te BEChINE THE
Lsortan t FROANUSED
(OY PIOTHER /
WUD BECOME +
Wats BAY-
THIS OAY-

AGAIN, BUT WitTHOUT
THE DOUBLE CHIN THIS

THE.

Comic by B Brophy

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