By Kristina Mameli, News Editor

but one thing’s for sure: the legacy of the kings of

kitschy thrash will remain intact long after the band
succeeds in getting the intergalactic drug trade back up
and running. Hours before a sold out show at the plastic-
sheathed Commodore Ballroom, The Other Press sat
down with Oderus Urungus, the mighty leader of Gwar
and ruler of Earth, to discuss the impending destruction
of the human
race among other

[= been 25 blistering years of interplanetary insanity,

An intimate interview with the
supreme overlord of Earth,
Oderus Urungus

crack] finds us, gets us addicted to crack, then all the
other stuff happened. Ever since then—25 years; it’s been
like an eye blink,” Urungus said.

Urungus, chewing beef jerky and chain smoking,
was extremely cordial and nonchalant for the supreme
overlord of the universe, and he was happy to be back in
Canada.

“Canada is a thriving cesspool of fucked up Gwar
freaks who demand their Gwar,” began Urungus. “They
really put the United States to shame at a lot of these

“You see, Cardinal Sin has stamped out all crack cocaine in outer space and Earth is the only place where |

 

lot of killing to be done,” he said almost disturbingly
passively. “And unless we improve our navigational
abilities, I’m afraid we’ll never conquer planet earth. If
I can’t find Japan, how can I destroy it? I mean, if there
were enough places to play we probably would play
every second.”

“If we could get that time machine working then we
could go back and tour 1992,” Balsac the Jaws of Death
piped in.

“Yes! The time machine! I’d forgotten it,” said
Urungus.

But the real

a can score. So, being completely addicted to crack cocaine, needing it to live, I’m just stuck here until we can ee =
you happen to figure out how to get crack back into space. That’s our goal now: to distribute the rock.” “That’s the
be familiar with — Oderus Urungus year of Hannah
the mythology Montana’s

that surrounds birth,” said

Gwar or not, you can certainly appreciate their relentless
touring schedule, astounding attention to detail and sheer
dedication to the world they, with the help of their fans,
have crafted through music and performance. Urungus
and guitarist Balsac the Jaws of Death concisely summed
up Gwar’s storied past.

“Born for war, joined the Master Scumdog Legion,
fucked up so bad, was loaded into the Butt Cannon,
shot to Earth, killed the dinosaurs, mated with the apes,
created the human race, sank Atlantis, banished to
Antarctica, frozen solid, millions of years went by, ozone
layer depleted, hairspray metal, Gwar thawed out...take
it Balsac.”

“Sleazy P. Martini finds us, turns us into a rock band
and we conquer the earth. Done.”

“He skipped the crack part. Sleazy P. [who invented

12

gigs.”

Gwar has toured the world over, with the sole aim of
systematically destroying the planet. Though, as Urungus
revealed, the band is directionally challenged, something
that greatly hinders its ability to do so. “All of my
destructive efforts have basically been in America-and
Canada. Talk about having trouble getting somewhere,
we can’t find Japan. It’s just one little island out there in
this big blue blob... we’ ve destroyed Pago Pago so many
times I can’t count. In fact, they’re just calling it Pago
now.”

Urungus attributed the difficulty of vanquishing
places like Japan to the fact that Gwar is forced to travel
everywhere on foot. “We can walk across the bottom of
the ocean or use our Jesus boots and walk on the surface,
but there’s a lot of the world left to conquer. There’s a

Urungus, alluding to the possible need to destroy her.

“I’m a huge Hannah Montana fan,” said Balsac,
stifling that notion. “I would however, destroy Miley
Cyrus. That buck toothed red neck whore has been riding
on Hannah Montana’s coat tales for far too long.”

“We can’t tolerate it,” said Oderus.

Love of Hannah Montana and hate for Miley Cyrus
aside, rumours that the Lust In Space tour will be Gwar’s
last have been circulating for some time; but Urungus
quickly put a stop to any such thinking. “We like to
dangle that in front of everyone’s faces just so they can
reflect on the misery they’ll have when Gwar is gone,”
he laughed manically. “It brings me delight. For right
now the human race is safe. You see, Cardinal Sin has
stamped out all crack cocaine in outer space and Earth is
the only place where I can score. So, being completely