10 Horoscopes ax Michele Provenzano Staff Writer How the holidays will disappoint you according to your sign ARIES (March 21 — April 20) That secret-santa__gift exchange you're planning to take part in? Feeling the need to “win” it, you'll go way over the ten-dollar price limit, making all of your friends look bad. You'll feel pretty satisfied with yourself and your self-proclaimed generosity. But it'll kinda suck when your friends stop talking to you altogether. TAURUS (April 21 — May 20) After a stressful semester, you ve been looking forward to relaxing on winter break. You can't wait to spend a week in bed and binge watch the new season of Nailed It. But your friends and family members are gonna be all annoying and actually want to see you. They'll even drag you to an outdoor holiday themed event. Ugh. GEMIN| (May 22 — June 22) Youre a child at heart, Gemini, and proud of it. But the holidays are just another painful reminder that you aren't an actual child anymore. No, you're an adult with responsibilities. And the truth is that the holiday season just isn’t as magical as it once was. Does life only get harder? What’s the meaning of it all? es CANCER (June 22 - July 23) Basically Gemini’s dilemma, but worse. As hard as you'll try to distract yourself from feelings of nostalgia, they'll keep you up at night. But you know everyone's tired of hearing you whine about stuff, and you feel bad about bumming people out during the holidays, so you'll bottle up all your negative emotions. Maybe youll even explode on someone! LLEO (July 24 - Aug 23) Everyone’s off celebrating with their loved ones and forgetting to give you the attention you deserve. V/RGO (Aug 24 — Sept 23) Being out of classes, you've lost structure in life, so you're kinda going off the rails. That A- final grade will haunt you. You'll spend the entire holiday dinner analyzing that one comment your cousin made towards you. And when your loved ones open the gifts you give them, you'll torture yourself by not believing they're telling the truth when they say they like them. TO LIBRA (Sept 24 — Oct 23) Indecisive as ever, you'll put off shopping for gifts until the last minute. I'm talking the day of the gift exchange. You'll end up scouring the corner store for something snazzy that you hope you'll be able to pass off as having put some thought into. The guilt will unbalance you. “SCORPIO (Oct 24 — Nov 22) Your psychic tendencies are kind of a hindrance around this time of year. You know exactly what gifts your friends are getting you... meaning you know youre not getting any. Youve truly torn, feeling the need to put upa tough front at all times, but deep down, you want to sing along every time “All ] Want For Christmas Is You” plays. (Nov 23 — Dec 21) Youre trying to be optimistic. Youre making plans for the break. They aren't travel plans, though, which bums you out. You live for the excitement of New Year's Eve and _ its promise of new beginnings. But that feeling is fleeting—reality will hit in January when youre placed right back into the same old monotonous routines. You know you wont have any novel experiences until next summer, Sagittarius. (Dec 22 — Jan 20) You'll spend the break busy trying to settle on the perfect New Year’s resolution. So preoccupied, you'll forget to even enjoy the time off. You're also trying to figure out whether you think New Year’s resolutions are stupid or not, so you'll decide to just call it a “goal” so you can feel better about it. k& US as, AQU ARI (Jan 21 — Feb 19) There’s too much suffering and injustice in the world for you to fully enjoy the winter break. Not to mention the commercialization of the holidays undermining what’s truly meaningful about the season. Youll spend your time contemplating mass culture and consumerism and just how soon the planet’s gonna go up in flames. Ye (Feb 20 — Mar 20) Always in tune with the emotions of others, you'll feel shitty over the holidays knowing that everyone else is feeling shitty over the holidays. You won't even be able to pinpoint why youre feeling down. There’s nothing like being sad and confused. = aoe i * >LES Have an idea for a story? M humour@theotherpress.ca e Horoscopes ¢ The 'Other' Other Press ¢ Hiring Ads .. seriously, apply for a job, people! The Old aleve Press 1s hiring! Got a good scoop? Engaged in the college community? The Other Press is looking for a News Editor. ee Pay: $117.50 per issue Y Send your resume, writing samples, or questions over to} editor.otherpress@gmail.com ; The Other Press is hiring! Are you opinionated? Passionate? Want to get paid for your rants and raves? The Other Press wants you as our Opinions Editor. Pay: $113.50 per issue Email your resume, writing samples Or questions about the position to editor.otherpress@gmail.com The Other Press is hiring! Write for the Udder Press! 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