issue 30 // volume 40

Man breaks his
four-year-old Samsung phone
by dropping it in water

» Is mad because Apple won't give him a new one for free

Livewlres: Augu

¥ Eric Wilkins
Sports Editor
& Msports
Wy || | @theotherpress.ca

...because why publish fresh, local content when
you can pull an article from the newswire used by
hundreds of papers across the country?

Fleet Foxes to change name (Rolling Stoned)
Looking to increase their following in England,
American indie-folk band Fleet Foxes are on

the verge of a name change. An inside source
reported that the decision was inspired by the
popular English group Bastille. Taking Bastille’s
lead, Fleet Foxes will focus on an important
national celebration as well: Bonfire Day.

The manager for the band was apparently left a
little in the dark regarding the change though as
one of the members said, “He doesn’t know why.”

 

st Edition

: Fraser Institute’s hockey team struggles (ESP)
: The Fraser Institute, looking for another avenue

: to keep their researchers engaged, has started a

: recreational hockey team. The highly respected

: think-tank has started slowly in their season

: though due to the squad being comprised entirely
: of right-wingers. Hockey expert Donna Badjacket
: commented that, “The group really suffers from
overly conservative coaching as well.”

: TransClink tapping out (Canadian Mess)

: TransClink is set to raise fares this fall to fund

: the undertaking of another massive project. The

: Compass system, long held as the solution to

: fare-evasion, will be completely removed from

: SkyTrain stations by 2017. The transportation

: authority had tried in recent months to cover up

: the system going south by promoting the card as
: a mini-lottery, with users having a 9-in-10 chance
: of winning/actually being able to pay, but beta-

: testers quickly grew savvy to the ruse.

: “While we regret these latest fare increases, we

hope to soften the blow to users by offering free
: ‘track walks’ after their extreme popularity last
: month,’ said TransClink spokesman Max Delay.

Sharon Miki
Humour Editor
M4 humour
@theotherpress.ca

 

pple Inc. is offering its

deep sympathies—in the
form of one guy saying, “Er, I’m
sorry that you're... upset?” —to
a disgruntled man who took to
social media to complain about

the company’s customer service. :

The only hitch? The man did
not buy his phone from Apple,
nor was it an Apple phone.
“Just because I dropped
my phone while aggressively
Tindering in the bathtub, and it
shattered on the tub floor, and
also had water damage, doesn’t
change the fact that I feel that
Apple should be responsible
for the quality of my phone,”
said disgruntled customer
Ryan Ronaldo, 25, ina series of

last week. “Don’t any companies
take pride in ensuring that the
public is happy anymore?”
Indeed, after breaking his
phone, Ronaldo went to his

a full refund for his first-
generation Samsung Galaxy (a
product never carried by Apple)
and a new iPhone 5. When

a bemused employee turned
him away because the phone
“was nearly four-years old, was
never under any warranty, had
obviously sustained physical
damage by the customer, and
was in fact a Samsung and

not an Apple phone,” Ronaldo
began an aggressive anti-
Apple social media campaign.
Ronaldo's “Take a bite outta
Apple” campaign drew limited
media attention from other

 

humour // 23

This is just like
that time that I
ate raw chicken
from the grocery
store and then
the store refused
to reimburse me
for my lost wages
when I got food
poisoning and
couldn't go to work!

people that like to complain
: about things that are their own
: fault.

“I support Ronaldo because

: this is just like that time that

: Tate raw chicken from the

: grocery store and then the store
: refused to reimburse me for

: my lost wages when I got food
statements released over Twitter :
: work,” said one supporter, Lloyd
: Dobler.

poisoning and couldn't go to

“Yeah, or it’s also like that

: time I tried to sue my bank

: because there was no money in
local Apple store and demanded :
: deposit money in the account

: doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have

: the right to freely use my debit
: card!” sympathized Erica Kane.

my account. Just because I don’t

It remains somewhat

: unclear as to why Ronaldo

: feels that Apple should be held

: responsible for his mistake, a

: fact augmented by Ronaldo’s

: own explanation: “I don’t know
: why I picked Apple... but why

: not them? Why should J have to
: pay for my own mistakes?”

In the end, however, all that

: Ronaldo has received at press
: time is re-tweeted support and a
: few hugs from his mother.

y