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FROM EDWARD BINDA

ABIDJAN

COTE D IVOIRE

Dear Freind,

I am Mr Edward Binda,the only son of late Chief and
Mrs K.K Binda My father was a very wealthy cocoa met-
chant in Abidjan, the economic capital of Ivory Coast,
my father was poisoned to death by his business associ-
ates in one of their outings on a business trip.My mother
died when I was a baby and since then, my father took
me so special. Before the death of my father in 2003 in a
private hospital here in Abidjan, he secretly called me on
his bedside and told me that he has the sum of Eighteen
Million, Five Hundred Thousand US dollars
(US$18,500,000) left in a fixed/ suspense account in one
of the prime banks here in Abidjan waiting until i find a
God fearing person to help me.

I want to transfer this money and use it for investment
purpose such as real estate management or hotel man-
agement. I am honourably seeking your assistance in the
following ways:

1) To serve as a guardian of this fund since I am only
20years old

2) To make arrangement for me to come over to your
country to further my education and to secure a resident
permit for me in your country. I am willing to offer you
15% of the total sum as compensation for your
effort/input after the successful transfer of this fund into
your nominated account overseas and 5% for expenses.
Best Regards

EDWARD EMAIL

edwardbinda@walla.com

TEL 0022507436373

news@otherpress.ca y y

Dearest and most beloved Edward,

Right off the bat, let me tell you how honoured I am to
be your “freind,” even though we’ve never met. I feel
your pain, in that my mother died just days after I was
conceived. She was eaten by a mythical beast called a
“Skinless Mallard,” whose frightening gait is matched
only by its wicked demeanor. With one eye red, the other
distinctively green, this hell-fowl pecked at my poor
Mom until she died, right in front of God and everything.
My father also “took me so special” when I was young,
just like you. But my therapist and lawyers say I can’t get
into the details of that at this time.

I’m so glad we found each other Edward. It just so
happens that I think I can provide you with my services.
I am an editor, and judging from this poorly crafted
email, you need an editor. Trust me on this Edward. You
come off sounding silly in your letter, especially in the
final sentence of the first paragraph when you say,
“Before the death of my father in 2003 in a private hospi-
tal here in Abidjan, he secretly called me on his bedside
and told me that he has the sum of Eighteen Million,
Five Hundred Thousand US dollars (US$18,500,000) left
in a fixed/ suspense account in one of the prime banks
here in Abidjan waiting until i find a God fearing person
to help me :”

That’s a pretty shitty sentence, Edward. I don’t even
know how to begin telling you about all the errors, tense
problems, and grammatical mistakes that sentence
includes. I’d need the fucking Rosetta Stone to figure out
what the hell you’re trying to say. That sentence makes
me not want to be your “freind” anymore. It’s pissing me
off just thinking about it.

But since we’re still technically friends, I’m going to
give you my “friend rate” of $4,872 per hour for my serv-
ices. I estimate that your email will take me around 3,797
hours to edit, give or take an hour. So, you basically owe
me $18,498,984. I expect payment by Tuesday. Thanks
Edward.

Best,
Colin Miley