Stop saying you are in a relationship

when the answer Is just

> Just say no thanks

Jessica Berget
Opinions Editor

 

e’ve all been there: Youre out
for some drinks with friends,

you're keeping to yourselves, interested
in catching up with people you haven't
seen in a while, and a stranger approaches
you. Youre nice for a while, not wanting
to immediately write this stranger off as
acreep, but at some point, you realize
the interaction has lasted long enough
and you need to draw a line in the sand.
You take the path of least resistance,
using the “Oh sorry, I have a boyfriend/
girlfriend/S.O. excuse. However, I’m here
to tell you that—despite it seeming like
the easiest exit plan—the oldest trick in
the book does more harm than good.

Let me first qualify that. If you
are in a situation in which you feel
threatened, and the person making
advances towards you will only
acknowledge your rejection by your
claim of prior commitment, then do
whatever you need to keep yourself
safe. However, if you are in an
environment which allows for a more
heavy-handed rejection, then it is in
your best interest to be forthright.

I can personally admit to using
the ol’ boyfriend excuse countless
times throughout my adult life, and it
has definitely been the most effective
way of getting some creepy dude off my
back on a night out. One little white lie
and poof—my would-be Casanova walks

Don't wear all black when it’s dark
outside and you want to live

 

 

a

away,
sometimes
even with an
apology. No harm,

> Sincerely, A Concerned Driver

Katie Czenczek
Staff Writer

 

ecently, I was driving home from

Gateway SkyTrain station when
I saw someone else’s life flash before
my eyes. I was trying to turn left ona
quiet street and double-checked that
the street was clear multiple times
before hitting the gas pedal. Just as I
started to creep up slowly, a shadowy
figure emerged from the darkness,
almost causing me to hit them with
my car. I couldn’t see this person at
all, even though I checked more times
that what is usually necessary.

I have been driving for three or
so years, and, as both a driver anda
pedestrian, I have been on both ends
of dealing with dangerous drivers
and careless pedestrians. One of my
biggest pet peeves while driving at
night, or whenever the sky is devoid
of light, is when pedestrians cross
streets wearing clothes that blend in
with their surrounding environment.

At that point, people should just go all-
out and dress in camouflage because
drivers cannot see them either way.

You could say that I need to look
harder, or be more careful when turning
right or left, but trust me, I do not think
there’s a single person on this planet
that fears hitting someone with their
car more than I do. I’ve had two close
calls since I’ve started driving and those
streets and faces are burned into my
brain every time I’m near those streets.
When it is pitch black outside, or 5 p.m.
during wintertime, please, I beg you,
wear something that makes you visible
to the people operating death wagons.

I understand that black looks great
on everyone, it really is a universally
flattering shade to wear. I just don’t think
that it will look that great stuck under
my car as the red and blue lights roll in
to save your life. If black is a must and
there is absolutely no way you'll switch
to neon yellow or something along those
lines, then at the very least, invest in
some reflective arm wear. It could very
well save your life, and my conscience.

0 No

os
#
Illustration by Cara Seccafien

 

no foul. The problem with making up an
imaginary partner as a
means to an end is
that the means
doesn’t really
justify ne end.

Yes,

 

you've
gotten rid
of the person,
but at what
personal cost?
Locating the
reason for

your rejection
in anyone other
than yourself
totally erases

 

your autonomy within the interaction.
It suggests it is not you who is rejecting
the person, but rather someone else and
importance of your personal consent
is ignored based on some imaginary
person's perceived authority over you.
Within heterosexual relationships, this
kind of thought process reinforces female
subjectivity. It shows how the person
approaching you respects the authority of
a man he has never met (and, as far as he
knows, may not even be real) more than
the person standing right in front of them.

I think a lot of people use this excuse
because they believe the response they ‘d
actually like to give is somehow rude. Yes,
there are ways of going about being rude
when saying “no.” Rejection is, however,
a part of dating. Anyone who attempts
to participate in it must accept that.
Communication is, likewise, a part of
dating, and it’s important to be frank about
your feelings in all situations. You may
not be dating the person who is hitting on
you, but you owe it to yourself to practice
openly communicating your discomfort
and personal autonomy. When I began
saying, “No, thanks, I’m not interested”
instead of “No, sorry, I’ve got a boyfriend,”
I found that I was more honest about
my feelings in my actual relationships.
Insisting on your personal autonomy
emphasizes how relationships are between
equals and how you are just as important
an actor in one as the other person.

Just remember, it’s not rude
to say no—it’s necessary.

Image via AliExpress.com