Humour

Think you're funny? Contact us at humour@theotherpress.ca &

 

Voice of

 

Violence

 

. - Pg am
aa e ,
ate . 2 "

6!

e.g r

 

er

* ~ nw» aa aalabaonited

I just can’t wait to go on another I hate camping, and this is the
last time I’m ever going

camping adventure!

Nothing says summer like a camping trip in the BC backwoods

By Jessica Stein, Person About to
Start a Week-Long Camping Trip

he crackle of the campfire,
[Te outdoor air, fun with

friends and family; what's
not to love about camping?

In dreary, rainy old BC, we
have to make the most of these
opportunities in the summer to get
out and enjoy the great outdoors.
And there’s no better way to do
that than the classic Canadian
camping trip.

And that’s where I’m off to
in just a few hours. The edge of
Harrison Lake is calling, and so is
a big case of Palm Bays. Soon, it’Il

Jones Lake, way in the backwoods.
My boyfriend and his friends used
their trucks to get up this super
sketch logging road that no car
could get up. We made it there in
one piece, but we forgot one thing:
propane! So there we were, all
kinds of food, no way to cook it. So,
we got it together, and improvised
by cooking everything over the
campfire. Even using cast iron
skillets! My friend Mark is such
a great cook, I was so impressed.
Now that I think about it, that was
probably the greatest camping trip
I’ve ever been on.

Some people say that camping
is too hard, or it’s boring, or it’s

Seriously, get me out of here

By Daniel Kim, Man on Day Three
of a Week-Long Camping Trip

he taste of lake water, grit
in your food, mosquitoes
everywhere... seriously, why
the hell did we go camping in the
first place?
I know we wanted to all get
together and get drunk as hell,
but can’t we just do that in a place
where I can take a shit in a civilized
man’s toilet? We can drink cheap
beer at my apartment anytime, let’s
just go there.
I’m being serious here: does
anyone want to leave? Don’t worry
about packing, I will literally throw

yes, because of our “memories”
of past camping trips, coloured
by rose-tinted glasses with a
prescription so strong that you
need an optometrist to custom
make them. Yes, we all remember
how fun it is, how we bonded,
how we got away from it all. And
then you start believing those
B.S. lies, and before you know it,
you're back in some hick mudhole,
realizing only once you’re halfway
through that you’ve just been
deluding yourself to going to some
shit place like this.

And of course there’s been
absolutely no preparation efforts
made by the morons I’m with.

“Some people say that camping is too hard, or it’s boring, or it’s gross. To
those people, | say quit whining! There are too many bugs? So what, bring
some Off and keep your tent closed. You don’t like sunburns? Duh, bring
sunscreen. Doesn't sound hard to me.”

“And of course there's been absolutely no preparation efforts made by
the morons I'm with. Forgot the Off? Check. Forgot any sort of air mattress
or bedding? Check. Forgot appropriate clothing? Check. So what did we
bring? Booze and potato chips, eh? Good, at least we have the essentials.
Fuck me.’

just be me and my friends laughing
and drinking and eating unhealthy
camp food that tastes so good.
It’s just not the same as being in
town. The camping experience is
something that truly needs to be
authentic.

Imagine: sitting by a lake,
miles from the hustle and bustle
of the city, a cold drink in your
hand, and the sun beating down
on you. Paradise. No worries
besides how toasty you want your
marshmallow, no problems besides
bringing enough ice. You can’t
even get a single bar of cell phone
reception! It’s just wonderful.

I remember this one camping
trip I went on with my friends. It
was such a blast! We went up to

22

gross. To those people, I say quit
whining! There are too many bugs?
So what, bring some Off and keep
your tent closed. You don’t like
sunburns? Duh, bring sunscreen.
Doesn’t sound hard to me.

So remember: the only thing
you need to do for a great camping
trip is just come prepared and have
some good friends by your side.
And don’t forget to have a positive
attitude. Smile, for goodness sake!
If you come with a plan to have a
great time, you’ll make memories
that will last a lifetime.

I just can’t wait!

With files from Liam Britten.

 

everything in the fire. That is, I
would throw everything in the fire
if the fucking rain would let up.
Seriously, it rains 400 days a year
in this province; why did we think
things would change just because
we had no roof over our heads?
Imagine: sitting by a lake, miles
from the hustle and bustle of the
city, a cold drink in your hand, and
the sun beating down on you. Well,
shut up about that, because it is
a God damned lie. In reality, you
have no comforts besides booze in
your stomach and no respite from
the idiotic drunk ramblings of your
friends, all of whom I now hate. I
can’t even get a single bar of cell
phone reception! What the fuck?!
And how did I get here? Oh,

Forgot the Off? Check. Forgot any
sort of air mattress or bedding?
Check. Forgot appropriate
clothing? Check. So what did we
bring? Booze and potato chips,
eh? Good, at least we have the
essentials. Fuck me.

So, I think the important thing
is to learn from our mistakes. It’s
been said that those who fail to
learn from history are doomed to
repeat it. And if you’re drunk when
that history happens, it’s pretty
hard to learn, so expect a couple of
repeats.

just can’t wait to never go
camping again.

With files from Liam Britten.