Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor 210 UN proposes national Purging to help the environment » Every little murder counts! A ccording to a recent study from The conomist, greenhouse gas emissions could be greatly reduced by 2050 with one annual change: The Purge. Simon Richardson, head of Environmental Studies at Harvard, explained that harmful, ozone-reducing pollution could be cut by three-quarters if the entire world participated ina social slaughter. “Like the popular movie franchise, citizens would be encouraged to fight, kill, and steal to their hearts’ content for a single night. You can’t argue with the numbers—it’s science.” Many of us are aware of the challenges facing Earth and its inhabitants. Overpopulation, global warming, the melting of ice caps, and the extinction of wildlife—mass changes must be made to preserve life as we know it. “This will do just that,” Richardson said. “All it takes is brutally stabbing your friends and neighbours.” ax The motion was brought up at a United Nations meeting, to mixed reviews. Gillian Frances, part of the Security Council, took issue with the idea. “If we do this,” she announced to the press at a conference, “we might not have any more Purge movies. Task you, humble citizens, is that a world you want to live in?” To counter her argument, Alim Nour, also of the Security Council, stated, “There are already four Purge movies and possibly a fifth in the making. We should move our attention to more important things, like a third Incredibles movie. It already took them so long to make the second one.” The two debated movie franchises for a half hour, while many reporters took to the streets to speak to local citizens. Weekly horoscopes Have an idea for a story? M humour@theotherpress.ca “I would have no problem breaking into the house of the bitch next door who runs her sprinkler every single day in the summer and stealing all of her electronics » Find your sign and an easy way to go green for 2019! Photo illustration by Lauren Kelly ¢ New parenting method recommends releasing children into the wild ¢ Will you be saved from mass extinction? ..and more! and jewelry,” Gracie Spiegelman, New Westminster resident, told Other Press reporters. “All in the name of planet Earth, of course.” “If I have to go to my deadbeat father’s house and bust his kneecaps, so be it,” said Joshua Huang, SkyTrain transit operator. “Tm a vegetarian and I havea plot ina community garden, so of course I want to do all that I can to keep this world turning. And if I have to grab all of his petty cash and electronics, that’s just the way it is. I guess you could call me a huge environmentalist.” “If my lll count is higher than 50, do I have to recycle for the rest of the year?” asked Jennifer Egret, BC Hydro employee. Richardson is confident in the effectiveness of the Purge. “An estimated 318,900 people will go out for the Purge in America alone—and with each successive year, more and more will surely participate. That means with each mass extermination, we get closer and closer to our goal of a healthy, sustainable planet. Go, humans, go!” Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor ARIES (March 21 — April 20) Though winter is far from over, reach for a thick sweater before turning up the thermostat. Try jumping jacks for a quick burst of warmth—easy on the wallet and the waistline! If all else fails, reach for good ol’ Tinder for a hottie to keep you, well, hot. TAURUS (April 21 - May 21) Taurus, your challenge for 2019 is to bring a lunch from home! Eating out every day not only costs a ton but results in oodles of packaging that will most likely end up in a landfill. Brown bag your leftovers or try bringing reusable containers to restaurants, cutting down on your waste! GEMINI (May 22 — June 22) There’s nothing Geminis love more than a bit of luxury—but surely you could trim down those hour-long showers? Queue up two songs on your Spotify and challenge yourself to finish showering before the songs are over. CANCER (June 22 - July 23) Take a hike, Cancer! A hike to work, that is! Are you driving when you could be using public transportation? Cut down on your carbon footprint by using the bus or train, or for bonus points, ride a bike! Commutes are the perfect time to stare out a moving window and ruminate—a Cancer’s favourite pastime! rrFLEO (July 24 - Aug 23) Like their carnivorous counterparts, many Leos are quick to reach for the meat! Leos should challenge themselves to go either vegan or vegetarian fora week to cut down on their greenhouse emissions! It’s easier (and cheaper!) than you think. & V/REO (Aug 24 — Sept 23) Put that fast-fashion top down, Virgo! Instead of purchasing cheaply-made, trendy clothes, try scouring your local thrift store for vintage goods. You might be surprised at the used treasures you can find! LIBRA (Sept 24 — Oct 23) A no-brainer for Libra! Bring a reusable or cloth bag to the grocery store to cut down on harmful plastic ones. Try looking for local artisans who make cute, handmade tote bags so that you'll want to carry them around as much as possible! ‘SCORPIO (Oct 24 — Nov 22) Instead of throwing your food waste away, consider starting a compost pile for some bangin’ fertilizer! When spring comes, youll have a nutrient-rich soil that is sure to yield you a hearty crop of fruits and veggies. SAGITTARIUS 2 (Nov 23 — Dec 21) Are you a coffee addict? Purchase a travel mug and skip the classic paper-cup-and-plastic-lid fiasco. Most coffee places offer a discount for bringing in your own mug, so reap the double reward of helping the environment and saving some cash! CAPRICORN (Dec 22 — Jan 20) STOP! Is that light behind you turned off? Make sure to flip the switch every time you exit a room, plus unplug any cords that aren’t being used. Reducing the energy used in your house is as easy as the click of a button. (gS. AQU ARIUS aS (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Where's that eagle eye, Aquarius? Make sure to double check that all of your recycling is going in its proper home. When you're out and about, hold onto recyclable goods until you see the right receptacle! You're helping the environment one bottle at a time. PISCES (Feb 20 - Mar 20) This year is all about reducing! Make a catalogue of all your possessions to see what you really need and what you can give away or donate. Before buying an item, ask a friend if they have what you're looking for. At the very least, watch Tidying Up with Marie Kondo.