issue 08 // volume 41

How to be stereotypically Canadian, eh

» What the rest of the world thinks of us (sorry)

Julie Wright
Contributor

He: you ever had someone
say youre not Canadian
enough? Perhaps you don't
love hockey or lacrosse, and
would rather listen to British
folk? Can’t stomach Tim
Horton’s coffee and prefer a
nice Chilean red wine over
standard Canadian beer? If you
want to hide your utter lack of
Canadian-ness, and prove to
naysayers just how true north

you are, then refer to this handy

article to give you the tips and
tricks you need to be painfully
stereotypically Canadian.

1. Work either as a
lumberjack, hunter,
trapper, fisherman,
Mountie, or at Tim
Horton's.

2. Wear at least two of these
every day: plaid flannel,

a toque, a scarf, red and
white, something bought
from the Bay, work boots,
ice skates (to cross a river),
ora Mountie uniform.

3. Have a big burly beard.
If a burly beard physically
cannot be acquired, wear
knit beard for similar
aesthetic.

4. Eat at least one of these
at every meal: poutine,
Montreal smoked meat
sandwiches, Quebec yellow
pea soup, Timbits, beaver
tails, Nanaimo bars, or
butter tarts.

5. Drink only a 2-4 of
Molson, a double-double
from Timmies, ora hot
cocoa from a hockey arena
cafe. Maple syrup-flavoured
anything is a plus.

6. Play either lacrosse or
hockey. Or both. (If you
suck at sports, that’s ok.
You can still be a superfan.)

7. Listen to only Canadian
musicians, such as: Bryan
Adams, Shania Twain, Dean
Brody, Michael Bublé, Rush,
(some) Carly Rae Jepsen,
and the Tragically Hip.
(Maybe not Justin Bieber or
Nickelback. We don’t talk
about them.)

8. Ride an animal found
only in Canada to work, like
a moose, beaver, polar bear,
or orca. Sidenote: if any of
these are spotted outside

of Canada (not including
Alaska), they’re most likely a
hologram.

g. Automatically appreciate
nature. Nature includes,
but is not limited to:
mountains, igloos, massive
ice sheets, freshwater lakes,
vast expanses of forests, the
three oceans that Canada

is surrounded by, and the
seemingly endless prairies.

10. Accept that healthcare
is free, and when speaking
to people from countries
with no free healthcare,
apologize for ours every
chance you get.

u. Say “eh,” “hoser,’ “bogus,”
“sorry, and “aboot” at least
five times per sentence. Try
saying, “Eh, sorry aboot my
hoser friend. It’s bogus that
he forgot the Molson.”

12. Realize that our entire
population is the size of
California’s, get over that
fact, and then realize that
you probably know at least
three people in each province.

 

 

L&S Listed: 10 underrated monster Jams for Halloween

Brittney MacDonald
Staff Writer

usic can set any mood.

So what do you need on
your playlist to make sure your
Halloween party is spooktacular
without being cheesy? If you
want your music to get you ready
for Halloween, but youre sick of
the old, tried and true “Monster
Mash’ and “Thriller,” then try
out these 10 songs with monster
motifs.

1.

“Sweet Sweet Heartkiller”
by Say Hi to Your Mom

“Robots” by Flight of the Concords

 

 

. "Dracula’s Wedding” by OutKast

“Furry Happy Monsters” by R.E.M.

 

 

. "“Dragula” by Rob Zombie

 

 

. “Zombie Dance” by The Cramps

6.
7.
8. “Godzilla” by Blue Oyster Cult
9.

“Twas a Teenage Monster”

by The Keytones

 

ul] BP] WwW) NY

. "Witch Hunt” by Jack Off Jill

 

10. “Science Fiction/Double Feature”

by Richard O’Brien

life & style // 17