The ‘Other News

Dear Other Press Staff,

 

Fe Dear Other Press Staff,

I would like to use your newspaper to make a call for
applicants to my new company. It is a very exciting
opportunity for students and they will find it to be a
valuable work experience.

Successful applicants must be able to work long
periods of time in supervised conditions. Note that
supervisors may be armed and high on speed. They
must be able to work in hot, humid conditions and
have no allergies to plants. Applicants must have no
criminal record as anyone with priors will totally
bring heat on the whole thing.

Prior experience in botanical sciences is an asset,
but no formal experience is necessary as long as you

know how to use scissors. Training will be provided,
as will a complimentary $20-bag.

Some applicants may be asked to transfer and
change work sites, and those who refuse will be
forced to transfer and change work sites. Applicants
should have access to a reliable vehicle, preferably a
valuable one with no car alarm.

I thank The Other Press for allowing me and my
associates to advertise our openings and we won’t
forget the deal; no one’s going to hear from your
“problem” again, if you know what I mean.

Yours in thanks,
Kyle “Big Slugz” Martin

Js

~

 

c Dear Other Press Staff,

I am extremely displeased with your coverage of
the B.C. Liberals’ plan to improve this wonderful
province with our new Harmonized Sales Tax.

Why is all of your coverage so negative? I’m a
non-partisan voter, but even I have noticed that you
have never given this strategy a fair shake. Why do
you only focus on consumers, like me, losing money?
Don’t forget businesspeople, who are not me, will
see lower costs. Businesspeople get so few breaks in
today’s world, what with all the negative press and
labour laws we have today.

People like me, independent-minded regular
Joes who like a good beer, a good hockey game
(preferably with my favourite team, the Vancouver

 

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Canadians taking to the field!) and not running for
re-election in the riding of Vancouver-Point Grey all
think the HST is just great. It means that taxes will be
fairer than ever, because before this, it was unfair for
people like me to pay such low taxes! It’s important
for everything to be fair.

So please try to be more objective in the future.
Premier Gordon Campbell is a sensitive man and his
feelings are easily hurt. Or at least that’s what I’ve
heard.

Sincerely,
Bordon Bampbell

PS. Carole James is a bag.

,

DJ HOTT WAX droppin the

~

 

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