(aa this

 

 

 

“It’s just like having
a real live Barbie
Sheila”

 

 

(How to be a happy teenage mother)

 

This week we're
talking about how
to he a happy

\| teenage mother.

You know it’s
going to happen
anyway, so you'd
better prepare.

Step 1: Drop all life goals. So
you were going to argue cases
in from of the Supreme Court
were you? Maybe find a cure
for a major disease? Well, put
those plans on hold until your

- {next reincarnation because

they won’t be happening any-
time soon.

Step 2: Begin looking at low
rent housing. That eight-bed-
room mansion won’t be _
appearing unless you find a
rich, lonely, impotent bachelor
who wants an heir. Instead,
start looking on ’the other side
of the tracks.’ You’ll be there
for a while.

Step 3: Start smoking heavily
We don’t, of course, recom-
mend this until after the baby
is born, but if you can’t wait to
light up, it’s your choice. Work
your way up slowly, eventually
topping out at three packs a

 

_ hews comes on. See? You just

day.

 

and watching as much TV as
you can, then skip your classes
after lunch and watch until the

missed a whole day of school
and you learned something

anyway!

Step 5: Read lots of romance
novels IF you don’t have
enough fake, thankless
romance in your life you
should create more,
Go to the library (that’s the
place with the books|that
nerds go to) and getjout as
many romance nove|s as they
have on the shelves. You can
slip away into the arms of a
dashing Backstreet Boys look-
a-like for a few hours and
escape the reality of your own
Hie.

 

Make sure you
choose a
training bra
that will also
allow you to
feed your chil-
dren.