¢ What soul-crushing summer job should you have? Have an idea for a story? M humour@theotherpress.ca ¢ Three worst places to find a summer fling ..and more! 10 What soul-crushing summer job should you have? » Nothing screams ‘summer’ like working for ‘the man’ Mostly “A’s: Office temp Youre a corporate shill and a major suck. Yeah, Describe your work ethic: a) house elf Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor b) Santa youre probably going to get ahead in life but you're \ Jacation to Cabo? No thanks. Week-long c) Tom Sawyer type also a major nerd. You might as well get an unpaid camping expedition? I don’t think so. Having d) Garfield internship, you lackey. any semblance of summer fun without the black cloud of a looming 7-to-3 shift with a bunch of high schoolers? Not on my watch, bucko! You've chosen to spend the summer working and saving up for the upcoming semester (read: seeing everyone post beautiful travel pics on Instagram while you serve your friends’ parents on an open- air patio), which is a very adult, mature thing to do. However, all of your job options suck! Help remedy this demeaning Sophie’s choice by taking Mostly “B”s: Coffee shop Your maturity makes you a dream to hire, and that’s why you'll settle for the first job that hires you (on the spot, too). A few weeks in you'll realize how poorly the workplace is run and how the burden of running it now rests on your scrawny shoulders. Feel free to even the odds with some light pastry thieving. What about your work history? a) one “serious” job (aka not in the food/service industry*) b) manager position c) I try and doas little work as possible at any and every job d) booting for my little brother and his friends Mostly “C’s: Ice cream parlour You care so little that you'll work at almost any job, What is your greatest work weakness? a) too much attention to detail—I get lost in tasks this quiz! Illustration by Cara Seccafien b) I care too much about the job and sometimes it can affect my emotions c) I'm above a dumbass summer job d) nut allergy A coworker texts you to tell you they re viciously ill and unable to come into work. However, you ve planned a fun beach day with your friends. What do you do? a) cancel on your friends and cover the shift b) help them find another person to cover c) laugh and say no d) I never pick up my phone if it’s a work call Your newest coworker is having a hard time picking up the flow of the job and they keep making mistakes that you have to fix. You: a) offer to go over certain tasks with them b) give them a list of job duties to review regardless of how bad the uniform is. Find an easy job where you can coast while still getting some extra tip money. Try showing maturity and good work ethic while the boss is around and get promoted to manager so you can exert your power over weak high school teens. Mostly “D”s: Movie theatre employee Time to chill! Everybody knows the best place for any slacker to work is the movie theatre. Why? The dim lighting makes it hard to tell if you're stoned, you get free movies, and have access to unlimited popcorn at the end of a shift that you can just shovel right into a garbage bag and take home. Why make this summer worse than it has to be? Enjoy your minimum wage labour before heading back to the grind in September! *not to demean those in the food and service industry, where I have worked for the past eight-plus years and will die there, where my ashes will be stirred into a vat of cold brew and consumed by my closest friends and re i a y, i 4 “ie “hie 4 re iy { ay | \c) don't fix their mistakes, it’s their problem he yj ye HEE Lyi Wy d) are arguably worse at the job than your new ies a oS fie cS yet coworker family White v woman with tan declares self POC ) It’s as easy as that! Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor nlookers applauded last Saturday when Becky Simmons appointed herself “basically brown.” After living most of her life as a white, Anglo-Saxon woman, Simmons shed the oppressive weight of being white to shoulder a new burden—being a Person of Colour (POC). How did she come to this conclusion? “I got a tan and I’m sooo dark now,’ Simmons said. Bystanders said Simmons held her arm up to her friend Jessa Bituin, who is Filipino, and declared their skin tones “almost the same.’ “They’re not,” Bituin told reporters. Simmons attributes her change in identity to “spending a lot of time in my parents’ backyard, going to the beach, and going to a tanning bed for 20 minutes every three to four days.” Simmons, who has blonde hair and blue eyes, is ready for her new, innovative life as a woman of colour. “I think that so many people are hung up on the fact that my parents are upper- middle-class white people,” Simmons said. “But if there’s one thing I know about different cultures, it’s that they’re so much more open and accepting than your traditional white mindset. For example, my parents wouldn't let my third-grade best friend Julia Chang come over after school. But I was allowed to go to her house, even though I didn't really like it because they kept giving me really weird food.” Many people, like Simmons’ friend Chang, felt that Simmons was co-opting an identity while ignoring the social and political hardships faced by POCs all over the world. “I face hardships too!” Simmons said in response to the criticism. “What about when I wanted to get dreadlocks, but everybody said I] couldn't? I just know they would look great on my face shape.” Other Press reporters spoke to Simmons’ parents, who are both blonde and blue-eyed as well. “Obviously we were a bit taken aback when Becky announced to us that she no longer identifies as a WASP,” Simmons’ father John said. “My first question was: How will this affect her chances of getting into a good university to find a husband?” “Tt was no surprise to me,’ Simmons’ mother Jane said. “When I tan I goa nice olive colour. See, look at I got a tan and I’m sooo rokeba.qpave) im this!” — Becky Simmons, honourary POC Here she held her distinctly pink arm up to the . , light. suggestions, I'll know really good hole- “People always ask me where I’m from during the summer,’ she said with great satisfaction. “Maybe from somewhere in the Mediterranean? Or Italy?” What’s next on the agenda for Simmons? “Well, it’s time to live the life I’ve always known I deserve,” she told local press. “When people ask me for restaurant in-the-wall ones. I’m also going to start watching foreign films and telling people they’re the only films that really matter, even though I only speak English and can't understand them. This tan will really only last for a couple more months, so I’m really going to have to milk it for all it’s worth. Just really enjoy my time.”