Burd. Play with me, Marjorie Marge Simpson reveals all her unnecessary details for Playboy Magazine By Angela Espinoza ll rakes aside, I shudder as I write A The November issue of Playboy will be featuring Marge Simpson as the next cover girl, giving her a revealing three-page spread. First off, have women let themselves go to the point that men have to rely on cartoon characters in order to get through those lonely nights? Even then, why Marge Simpson? Doesn’t someone like Jessica Rabbit seem a bit more plausible? Either way, the issue is merely meant as a collector’s item. Current Chief Executive of Playboy Long before I could differentiate between reality and fiction, I always saw the Simpsons as my second family. So to tell me they were “inappropriate” at such a young age was like telling me my own parents were bad people. Bart was the mischief maker I could watch do ridiculous stunts so I knew not to do them myself. I always thought Lisa’s voice of reasoning flew past my head, but many of the things she said ended up making an impact on my beliefs. “Lisa’s First Word” gave me some understanding of what having my own baby sister would be like one day, even if her subsequent chatterbox ways contrast with Maggie’s. “It’s like seeing your own mother not only appear in the magazine, but having everyone know exactly who she is.” Enterprises, Scott Flanders (relation to Ned still not proven), gave his okily- dokily for the event to take place in hopes of reaching younger readers. I’ve been wondering if this age group covers the 10-and-up demographic. In fact, The Simpson’s episode “All’s Fair in Oven War” depicts a situation in which Marge discovers Homer’s stack of Playdude’s. Homer explains he purchases them merely for the articles, prompting Marge to cut out and dispose of all the nude photos. A disgruntled Homer throws the magazines out, only to be found by Bart and Millhouse, who begin to read and only partially understand the adult magazines. That’s the Marge Simpson we’ ve come to know and love: the loving wife and dedicated mother of three. Save for the time Marge and Homer appeared nude on the cover of a local newspaper, which their children saw. But I digress. Marge Simpson has become an icon of the modern day housewife. Growing up, I always heard kids say their parents never let them watch The Simpson’s because it was inappropriate; I had no idea what those kids were talking about. Since my diaper days, my parents always allowed me to watch the show. When I couldn’t understand the jokes, it was Homer’s buffoonery that drove me to laughter. No matter how many times I saw it, Homer yelling, “Why you little!” before choking his son drove me wild— mainly because it contrasted so severely with my own father. Then there was Marge, the mom: the authority in my house and theirs. As a child, I could always openly oppose my father, but when Mom was mad, you didn’t screw around. So at first, I never took a real liking to Marge—I always thought she was trying to spoil the fun. But as I’ve grown up with both my own mother and Marge, I’ve learned that they’re eerily similar. So it was never that I could “take-or-leave” Marge, it was that once the episode was over, the real Marge, my mom, was right there again. You now have an understanding of why seeing Marge grace the cover of Playboy disgusts me so. It’s like seeing your own mother not only appear in the magazine, but having everyone know exactly who she is. This isn’t our Marge, so if Matt Groening would kindly erase such etchings, I think we should let Playboy know Megan Fox is still up for grabs. a Tt i Deftones’ chaotic career can be summed up in a car crash After a year of trials, Deftones hit Vancouver in support of Slipknot By Jay Schreiber, Arts Editor omewhere between a grungy punk S club in Seattle and the heavy metal scene in L.A., nu-metal spawned a handful of West Coast groups that took over the airwaves with de-tuned guitars, tattoos and dreadlocks. For most bands of this era today, the ride is pretty much over but as history teaches us, the strong survive and soldier on. Nu-metal is a subgenre of heavy metal that doesn’t focus on speed or solos, but rather lyrical content and heavy hitting riffs on seven-string guitars. Drums have to be big, loud and usually surround the drummer completely and unlike other categories of metal, short hair is acceptable. The content, or drive, behind Nu- Metal comes from deeply seated personal problems with band members including drug addictions, family issues or sexual confusion. It takes a disturbed individual to be into this style of music, and most of the fan base finds that they don’t fit in with the rest of society. Starting back in ‘95, Korn can be credited with spawning the genre after the release of their debut self-titled album took them from tiny goth clubs of 30 people or less to a national audience. Korn has since then dealt with their own personal issues losing, David Silveria Deftones “[Change] is one of those tunes that brings everyone in the band and in the arena together as one for that moment. You can’t fake that!” —Stephen Carpenter of the Deftones to family problems, and Brian “Head” Welch to Christianity. On October 15 at the Pacific Coliseum, two of nu-metal’s key figures gave fans in Vancouver a walk down memory lane as Deftones and Slipknot rocked the stage in a double bill. Deftones took the stage early and left too soon beginning at a ridiculous 7:30 p.m. start time. Hits came quick and often in their unusually short set of one hour. It pained both me and every Deftones fan in the arena to see the band playing at an almost insulting set time but there’s not much you can do unless you’re the tour manager. The last few times the Deftones played Vancouver, they’ve been able to sell out three consecutive shows at the Commodore Ballroom, one time playing their entire catalogue in chronological order. Hits such as “My Own Summer” and “Around the Fur” got people on their feet and singing along with lead singer Chino Moreno while a dedicated crowd stayed glued to the show. “Whenever we play this song, something special happens to the audience,” lead guitarist Stephen Carpenter said of the band’s hit song “Change.” “It’s one of those tunes that brings everyone in the band and in the arena together as one for that moment. You can’t fake that!” Faking things is exactly what headlining act Slipknot is all about. Slipknot was an original nu-metal act in the ‘90s and went for more of a “shock rock” image, wearing masks and having nine members in jump suits perform a forgettable stage show. Slipknot belted out their radio hits while auxiliary drummers/film crew pounded on large tubs in time with crazy contraptions that lifted them to the scaffolding. I am so not impressed... long hair was whipped around and bottles of water sprayed on the crowd made the event unpleasant to participate in but more fun as a spectator sport. Deftones, who have been around for a decade longer than Slipknot have been officially shafted by attention seeking gimmick rockers. Such is the way most nu-metal bands are nowadays, and I guess the groups that figuratively suck the media’s dick get top billing. The Deftones have had a chaotic career, which started with a car crash, and just about ended with one as well. After insurance from an automotive run-in paid off some 20 years ago, the band found financial support and bought their first instruments. About a year ago, original bassist Chi Cheng went comatose after he crashed his car and just about ended the Deftones. Since then, web pages such as oneloveforchi.com have surfaced and as of about three months ago, Chi regained a degree of consciousness and is in a more functional state. About half of the Coliseum left the venue around the same time the Deftones did. The tour manager may not have gotten the picture, but the fans in Vancouver sure as hell did!