Think you're funny? Contact us at humour@theotherpress.ca &

 

 

By Allie Davison, Staff Writer

Zebras and giraffes,

two of my favourite animals,

have stripes/ spots that are

like finger prints; the zebra prints
Ihave in my living room show

this. The patterns differ for each one.

This morning,

as | tried to sleep,

pulling the blankets over my head, to
hide from the bright sun, a duck

yelled at me, its voice shouting through
the closed window. Quack. Quack.

As I opened the door

to my apartment, my first
thought was: I’ve been

robbed! Clothes thrown around
the room, books scattered. But
then I realized: I was just messy.

We brought you flowers,
and chocolate and treats,
and a little stuffed

turtle with a top hat;

little things, letters and soda,
to make you feel at home.

They filled my penguin

thermos with tequila,

last weekend when I was

away, and forgot to rinse

it. Now, whenever I take a sip
of apple juice, it hits me: Mexico.

We decorated him,

the turquoise puffin,

with green sunglasses and a floral
scarf; sitting on my kitchen table
he is so hip happening. He’s living
the life, while I can only dream.

I want to make margaritas,

the strawberry ones preferably,
in the big fish bowl glasses.

We will garnish them with little
paper umbrellas, plastic swords,
and adorable frogs.

There was a cat,

named Tom, at my old house.
Sometimes, people would confuse him
with my brother Tom:

hilarity ensued.

22

 

North Korean state media reports Kim Jong-Il
rising from grave, turning into bird-like deity

5
“" — rf

 

By Liam Britten, Humour Editor

the state-run media arm of the ruling

Workers’ Party of North Korea, has
reported that the deceased former leader of the
nation, Kim Jong-II, has risen from the dead to
become a god.

A KCNA news report read, “The Dear
Leader, whom the onlookers thought must
surely be dead, indeed began a journey on the
Heavenly Way by leaping forth from his coffin

Ts Korean Central News Agency (KCNA),

ee
he i \
aA a

The KCNA report also said that before
departing, Dear Leader instilled in the people
values such as “nobility, virtue, and not rebelling
against rightful successor Kim Jong-Un during
any power struggles which may ensue” before
flying away on magic wings.

The KCNA has a long history of journalistic
integrity. For example, the agency won the
Kim Jong-II Journalism Excellence Award for
coverage of North Korea’s record wheat crop
in 1997 which did not result in a famine at all.
As well, it won the Kim Il-Sung Journalism

and riding Excellence

a great Award in 1953
rainbow. “His words were in the typical fashion of Dear Leader, full of for its efforts
On that broadmindedness and true human love. He then summoned covering North
sunny day in a great flock of doves, and, whilst singing his truthful, Korea’s victory
Pyongyang, valiant song ‘In the Embrace of My Motherland, he flew into over the west in
he told the the stars.” the Korean War.
onlookers, However,
‘Fear not, despite the

comrades! I will travel for 7,777 days, and then
return to you all the bounties of Heaven, which
will flow into the great bosom of the prosperous,
non-wheat deprived socialist utopia of North
Korea. It will bring about unity on the peninsula
under the flag of the red star. It will smash the
decadent west.’ His words were in the typical
fashion of Dear Leader, full of broadmindedness
and true human love. He then summoned a great
flock of doves, and, whilst singing his truthful,
valiant song ‘In the Embrace of My Motherland,’
he flew into the stars.’”

agency’s sterling record, some are calling
the reports of the resurrection of Kim Jong-Il
“suspicious.”

“T personally feel that not all the details are
coming to light about this,” said Kim Yeon-su, a
North Korea expert at Korea National Defense
University in South Korea. “This story may
seem on the up-and-up, but how could this have
happened on a sunny day when all weather
reports showed it should have been snowing that
day? Something doesn’t add up.”