WIT Classifieds Submit Classifeds to classifieds at othereditor@yahoo.ca Students advertise for free! For free student classifieds up to 30 words, email: othereditor@yahoo.ca with your name, student number, and desired section, and put “classi- fied” in the subject line. Fast Cash Ads: 3 lines, 3 times for $20 (30 words max). Open rate of $5 per line. Enquiries: call our advertising manager at 604.525.3542. For Sale Two 128MB Memory Modules 184PIN DDR PC2100 DIMM With original packages. A Steal at $45! E-Mail me at email@scottelliott.com. 1980 Honda CB650 parts, $5 and up. Email redcoat1812@hotmail.com. Complete P4 system with 256MB DDR400, 80GB HDD, 16x DVD+RW & K/M/S for only $399. FREE exchange Tutor/Proofreader (Ph.D) $25/hour for essays, thesis, etc. 604.837.1016 or editor888@hotmail.com. Professional tutor, writing coach, and edi- tor can help with English 130, 106, 112, and 109; also Business Communications, reports, letters, and résumés. Quality guar- anteed. The Writer’s Touch, www.writer- stouch.net 604.437.6069. Vancouver Support group for stutterers. Every alternate Friday, 7-9pm. Room 4310, New West campus. For more info, contact Mary Rose Labandelo: 604.526.1735 OPTions for Sexual Health (formerly Planned Parenthood) is looking for volun- teers to assist on the Facts of Life Line, a toll-free, confidential, sexual health infor- AVID HALO 2 PLAYER. Need to have Halo2 game and XBOX Live. Please contact by email. Jamie Campbell. Jamie Campbell12345@hotmail.com WATER POLO Players Wanted Students interested in participating in Intramural/Varsity Douglas Water Polo call: (604)777-6029(ext.# 3) or email:sessionpolo@yahoo.ca for more information. Teach English Overseas “6”, ® Intensive 60-Hour Program * Classroom Management Techniques ® Detailed Lesson Pianning * Comprehensive Teaching Materials ®@ Internationally Recognized Certificate ® Teacher Placement Service Pictures ‘ Classified pictures are $10 each K/M/S for 512MB RAM. Everything printing. The picture size is BRAND NEW. Contact Andre at acepc- 3.5cmi x 2b. black and wick. canada@gmail.com if interested. When placing an ad please Herbal products to improve your health. ERTS AG, Choose an alternative to conventional All ads must be received by medicine. Safe and easy to use. Contact ‘Thursday to be published in the Alex at natural_cures@hotmail.com or following Wednesday's paper. 604.589.8728 Check your ad for errors and please call or email our offices God curse all you rotten crude people with your to report any corrections. To a ie machetes, clubs, and guns no oO} ensure the integrity of our stu- dent newspaper, we reserve the way to express yourselves other than battering right to revise, reclassify, edit, or SM Poor soul refuse your ad. mation and referral resource line. Call 604.731.4552 ext. 224, or visit www.optionsforsexualhealth.com. ® Job Guarantee included @ Thousands of Satisfied Students «¢ OXFORD SEMINARS 780-428-8700 | 1-800-779-1779 www.oxfordseminars.com Last Call Amanda Aikman, OP Columnist It’s Oscar season, and I’ve got celebrities on the brain. Not in the “who’s going to win for best adapted screenplay” kind of way, more in the “I wonder who Scarlett Johansson will wear” kind of way. Ah celebrities. As long as there’s a popstat’s boob to inadvertently expose and under- age girls for R&B singers to videotape, celebrities’ antics will continue to disgust and entertain us regular folk. And while I may never experience the lifestyles of the rich and infamous first-hand, that doesn’t mean I can’t pretend. And so, I present to you, my “Celebrity I would most like to...” list. Celebrity I would most like to get it on with: Sean Penn and/or Gabriel Byrne. No, they aren’t fresh-faced young pups from the Orlando Bloom school of hotties—but they do both have that haggard, mysterious bastard (with a heart) quality. I love a man who can take a punch as well as a drink. Celebrity I would least like to get it on with: 50 Cent. While I admire the fine-tuned literary sensibilities exhibited when rhyming “club” with “rub,” I wouldn’t have the first idea how to accessorize a bulletproof vest. Celebrity I’'d most like to be friends with: Maggie Gyllenhaal and Philip Seymour Hoffman. Maggs would lend me all her cool clothes, and PSH would make the three of us laugh with his clever, sarcastic repartee. What a team we'd be! Celebrity I’d least like to be friends with: Sofia Coppola She’s a cool, smart, talented, beautiful, chic Oscar winner, who just happens to belong to one of Hollywood’s most respected royal families. Who needs the competition? Celebrity I’d most like to see beaten to death with a tire iron. Okay, maybe not to death... Elisabeth Hasselbeck from Survivor and The View. Oh, how I dislike this woman. She’s pro- life, pro-death penalty and pro-Bush. What’s up with that? Why is she famous, anyway? For being blonde, wearing a bikini, and eating bugs? Or for her masterful interviewing of Lindsay Lohan on some obnoxious daytime-TV hagfest? Celebrity I'd least like to see beaten to death... Dakota Fanning. Sure, she’s precocious and too wealthy for someone her age, but c’mon, she’s just a kid. Celebrity ’'d most like to have as a parent: David Lynch Imagine, if you can, what Christmas Eve at the Lynch house would be like? Or Halloween? Or the fourth of July? Yeah, you might find yourself in need of therapy, but with a successful filmmaker for a father, at least you’d be able to afford it. Celebrity I'd least like to have as a parent: Courtney Love. Raiding her medicine cabinet and laughing at her pathetic public displays of insanity would be pretty fun but it might get a little old if she were your mother. Plus you’d have to have that whole “Why'd you kill Daddy?” conversation, which could be awkward. Celebrity world I’d most like to live in: Sex and the City. The clothes, the shoes, the drinks, the sex—what’s not to like? Celebrity world I'd least like to live in: The O.C. I could just imagine the O.C. girls when they saw me. “Who’s the new chick with the cheap handbag?” they’d ask, “And what’s she doing with that food...oh my God, I think she’s swallowing it!”