SSS

 

 

 

a Na me

CC

 

By Garth McLennan, Sports Editor

h, big game hunting, a
Aw past time of red necks

everywhere. After all, what’s
more manly and courageous than blowing
out the brains of an animal that has no
clue you’re there with a high-powered
rifle?

Okay, sarcasm aside, is hunting a
sport? You do need a measure of accuracy
to, you know, shoot the animal in the
head. And I suppose there is something
to be said about having to go out into the
woods, track and locate the animals. And
to be clear, I’m talking about big game
hunting here, not things like rabbits or
birds.

Beyond that though, I just can’t really
see how anyone could classify hunting
as a sport. I mean, the competition level
doesn’t exactly bolster its chances. I
mean, you'd have to be a really crappy
hunter to let the bear beat you when
you’ve got a gun that allows you to shoot
it from hundreds of feet away. It’s not like
you have anyone or anything to compete
against.

I am by no means one of those
fanatical animal rights activists or
anything, but I just don’t understand
the appeal of big game hunting. There’s
nothing wrong with hunting for food,
but hunting for sport is really a big joke.
Let’s be honest here. What sort of sense
of accomplishment could you possibly
get from sniping an animal that is quite

18

 

literally, totally defenceless? How could
anyone take pride in that? There’s no
real challenge. You just have to track big
game, wait until it goes to graze or drink
and then pop it in the skull. Wow, that
must be the essence of sport right there.

I mean, what exactly does that
prove? That you can kill something that
is unarmed from a long distance away
when it isn’t looking? Usually in real
sports when someone attacks you from
behind they get some sort of penalty. But
in hunting, that represents some sort of
significant achievement? Hmmm...I guess
that most big game hunters aren’t all that
proficient at winning fair fights.

But you do get trophies right? I mean,
after you take out the animal you can cut
off it’s head and plant it on your wall at
home or in the office. And hey, sometimes
you can even remove the head of all the
skin and just keep the bones.

Christ, who am I kidding?

THE VERDICT:

So in big game hunting there is no other
team to beat, no points to score and the,
for lack of a better word, competition,
not only has the intelligence of a baby or
small child but they don’t even know you
exist until their brains are lying on the
ground beside them.

Alright, by this point in the article
you might have a small inclination as to
where I’m leaning on this one but I’ll say
it anyways: hunting is not a sport.

 

Vancouverites to compete for beer pong supremacy
Team Devil's Lettuce of Vancouver to compete in World Series of Beer Pong

 

Jerome “Trick Tickler’ Holtkamp and Shane “Macktastic” Mulligan

By Liam Britten, Editor in Chief

Finals, but at least one team from
Vancouver is going to be competing
for a championship this year.

Jerome “Trick Tickler” Holtkamp
and Shane “Macktastic” Mulligan will
be competing in this year’s World Series
of Beer Pong (WSOBP) in Las Vegas
for a shot at $50,000 and the respect of
alcoholics and frat boys everywhere.
They will be competing against over
100 other two-man teams in the biggest
tournament the sport of beer pong has
to offer.

For those unfamiliar with the
sport, beer pong is a drinking game that
involves two teams throwing ping pong
balls into cups of beer. The playing
surface is set up like a ping pong table,
with each team’s cups set up in a triangle
formation on either side. The goal is to
sink a ball into each of the opponent’s
beers (which the opponent then drinks)
until none are left. Teams take turns
shooting but the team not shooting can
distract their opponents with any sort of
non-physical antics they can dream up.
The last team to have full beers on their
side is the winning team.

Holtkamp and Mulligan’s team,
Devil’s Lettuce, is heading into
unfamiliar territory. They only got the
idea to compete at this level because of
a feature on the Art Mann Presents TV
show documenting the WSOBP. The two
of them had been playing the game for
years since it was introduced to them
by a friend returning from college in the
USS. and figured they might have a shot.

“We figured we played beer pong
all the time, why not try and make

I: may not be the Stanley Cup

 

some money off it?” Holtkamp said at

a fundraiser tournament for his team’s
entry fees at Port Coquitlam’s Treehouse
Pub. “There’s a good chance we’ll

get ona roll ... but there’s also a good
chance we’ll play our 12 games and
we'll be out. But I figure we’re pretty
good, I’m pretty confident, man.”

While Team Devil’s Lettuce is
pretty confident about their chances in
Vegas, they admit nothing’s a sure thing
in the game of beer pong. A lot depends
on who hits a hot or cold streak at the
right or wrong time and even against
their own friends in Vancouver, a loss
for Devil’s Lettuce is not uncommon.

Still, when they finally hit Vegas,
they’ll be going in with a plan to get into
the heads of the competition and throw
them off stride.

“Our strategy is just be a dick,
just be awkward and stupid and funny,
just get people off their game plan,”
Holtkamp said, stroking his porn star-
esque moustache. “That’s why I got the
moustache. Anything goes as long as it’s
legal.”

And if there’s one thing they
aren’t worried about, it’s the amount
of beer they’ll be drinking, which will
be substantial—the preliminaries of
the WSOBP last for two days, and in
those three days, they could be downing
dozens of beers.

“We’re about a 36 out of 10 when it
comes to drinking beer,” Mulligan said.
“Maybe 36, 37 out of 10?”

The World Series of Beer Pong
takes place from January 1—5 of 2010 at
the Flamingo Hotel and Casino in Las
Vegas. For more information including
how to sign up your own team, visit
www.bpong.com.