This issue:

(¥ Vancouver says no
( Battle on holiday hill
(¥ November's lack of news probably means good news

Have an idea for a story? Let us know!

Contact: Chandler Walter, Humour Editor
4 humour@theotherpress.ca

And more!

Subterranean homesick blues

» Welcome home, vault-dweller

Josh Visser
Contrioutor

S. we're deep in the thick
of it. The fall turnaround,
that is. Hopefully midterm
season is over and all that you
have left are infernal research
papers looming ever-closer on
the greying horizon. Maybe
some class presentations as
well, but c’mon, who really
puts any effort into those,
anyway? I'll settle for that C.
Remember the saying: “Good
grades, social life, sleep—choose
two”? When did you first hear
that, tenth grade perhaps?
That seems like Kindergarten
stuff now to us young adults. A
more accurate turn of phrase
for us would be: “good grades,
work—choose one (or both,
omit other options). Social life,
hobbies, rest—choose one.”
We millennials have it so
easy, eh? On top of fixing all of
the world-at-large issues our
parents raised us into... But hey,
fuggetaboutit! Life is filled with
so many sources of stress, and
do we really get anything out
of it, other than a hole in the
earth or ashes in the wind?

What lasts forever is how

: many platinum trophies you

: leave behind. I have zero. Sorry
: folks, ’'m working on it. Alas,

: it is not going to be an easy

: endeavor, and I’m sure to lock

: myself in my dungeon, and wade
: through boundless radiation-

: filled waters, all while winning
: an insurmountable amount of

: battles with my quick-witted,

: silver-tongued bravado... if

: 'm to make it that far.

Believe me, I will persevere.

: You see, I plan to shun my

: outside, actually-important,

: real-world problems and focus

: instead on the distractions

: of the many upcoming new

: releases in videogames this

: month (Fallout 4 and Star Wars
: Battlefront, to name two).

These games are absolute

: blockbusters, and are sure to

: suck in many other like-minded
: individuals. Non-gamers: be

: ready for a steady rise in available :
: young ladies on the market. Keep : your job for video games—how
: that Netflix subscription up-to-
: date. Those looking for work: find :
: yourself a job on-call and rake in
: the dollars. There's going to be a
: lot of people “getting sick” over

: the next couple of weeks as they

Bi

: grind for hard-earned experience.

On a more serious note

: to gamers: don’t actually quit

: else will you be able to afford

Doritos and Mountain Dew?

: Or maybe you'll splurge and get
: a pizza. Do it. Indulge. With

: the ever-accumulating list of

: things you are sure to have

= =e
ae

piling up, the best thing you
: can do is turn a blind eye.

A wise man once wrote:

: “In times of great upheaval, it

: is best to keep busy and work

: toward something positive. Keep
: your mind away from things

: which deter you from your goal.”
: That same wise man also said:

: “What lasts forever is how many

satel Ee ad

 

: platinum trophies you leave

: behind” So, you know what

: you should really be working
: towards this finals season.

Remember your priorities.

: There remains a quest marker
: fixed on your controller. Do

: not neglect it. Your life’s

: difficulty will only go up.

 

Photo Illustration

 

Cabinet crisis

» Equally gendered ministers have country divided

Chandler Walter
Humour Editor
© humour@theotherpress.ca

Fat this month, newly-
elected Prime Minister
Justin Trudeau made history by
appointing 30 new ministers to

women, and the other half men.

Much discussion and debate
erupted from the decision, and
as Canada’s new leaders were
being sworn in, the Internet was
aflame with sexist comments
and heated arguments calling
out Trudeau on the decision.

“We don't know if they’re all
even qualified!” said disgruntled
Canadian Pamela Baker. “I get
that he wants to make a nice
show and everything by making
the cabinet equal, but how many
of these men do you think he
put into cabinet just because he
wanted to keep things ‘equal’?”

Baker pointed out that
many capable female members
of Parliament may have been

: left out of the cabinet due to

: this 50/50 ideology. “It’s a nice
: sentiment, it really is,’ Baker

: said. “But this is our country.

: We need the best in charge,

: and it’s not clear that some

: of these men are as qualified

: as some of the women who

his cabinet, an equal half of them : Were left out to make room.’

Trudeau defended his

: decision on the day of his

: Swearing in, answering a

: journalist’s question about

: why it was important to have

: an equally-gendered cabinet

: by saying: “Because it’s 2015,”

: which was met by the roar of

: many men in the crowd. This has
: been an important win for men
: everywhere, especially seeing as
: Justin Trudeau is only the 23rd

: male Prime Minister of Canada.

Many men are stating

: how courageous it was of

: Trudeau to appoint so many

: males to his 30-member

: cabinet, even amid the flak and
: controversy that arose from it.

“We're just happy it

happened,” said Jon Plath,

: a Liberal Party supporter.

: “Tt’s very important that it

: happened, and it means more
: than just that we have them as
: members of Parliament. It’s a
: statement that makes it clear

: that here in Canada, men are

: as equal as women, and I think
: that’s more important than

: anything. I wish there didn’t

: have to be such a controversy

> over it, though, but you know
how some people can be.”

Plath also noted the

: difficulties that Trudeau must

: be going through as an elected

: male world leader. “I’m sure he

: will doa great job, and he’s more
: than qualified, but ever since

: he got elected all that women

: seem to be talking about is how

: hot he is, It’s like, just because

: he’sa man doesn’t mean he only
: got elected for his looks, you

: know? There’s so much more

: there to a person than their

: appearance or their gender,

: and that’s something many

: people just don’t understand

: when it comes to politics.”

 

Image via The Canadian Press/Fred Chartrand