DOUGLO QUIZ 1. When you first meet someone you 5. At the end of a successful first date you: i ¥ dig, you: a) bristle with shock and disgust at the mere a) blush, giggle, and rush home to write about — suggestion of a handshake. it in your diary. b) whip out the Binaca and/or cherry-flavoured b) flirt shamelessly until he/she is powerless to _ lip gloss and move in for the kill. resist your charms. c) ask him or her if the agency already c) give him/her an extra hole punch in their explained your “extras” rate. “buy six humps get one free” card. 6. By the third date, you feel it’s time to: 2. When someone you find attractive a) call each other by your first names, at least asks you to dance, you: in private. a) explain, politely but firmly, that dancing is b) ditch the pretense, the small talk, and your something you prefer to save for your wedding _ clothes. night. c) start making some profit off the video tapes b) drop it like it’s hot, naturally. from the first and second dates. c) make sure he/she has plenty of small bills, wipe down the pole, then go to work. 7. When your date asks you for a three- some, you: 3. When it comes to dating protocol you a) assume they want to borrow your Peter, think: Paul, and Mary album. a) the man should pay—and the date he’s pay- ~ b) don’t rule it out, but tell him/her to ask you ing for should always be a woman. again after your sixth Tequila. b) the couple should go Dutch, but you’re c) hit speed dial 3 and hook that shit up. always happy to throw a little French into the mix. 8. Your best dating move is: c) man, woman, it doesn’t matter who pays—as a) the high five. long as they pay you upfront and in cash. b) the bump and grind. c) five dollars more if they expect you to swal- 4.Your favourite date activity is: low. a) a Disney movie with the lights on followed by a nice refreshing soda (two glasses andtwo 9. When dating someone new, you straws of course, no funny business). always bring along: b) a Jagermeister drinking contest with a hot- a) mace, your bible, and a chaperone. tub chaser. b) your best anecdotes, a positive attitude, and c) illegal in at least three provinces. your toothbrush. c) several dozen varieties of prophylactics, a change of underwear, and your receipt book. 2 2 DOUGLOPOLITAN AUGUST 2006 of — BY AMANDA AIKMAN, OP CONTRIBUTOR 10. You consider a date to be over when: a) the streetlights come on. b) the streetlights go off. c) the street corner beckons you back. Now it’s time to add up your score. For every a) answer count one point, for every b) answer count two points, and for every c) answer count three points. Less than 12: Howdy Prudey Hot date? Not so much. There’s nothing wrong with clean livin’ but getting dirty can be fun too. You don’t have to compromise your morals in order to have a good time (a great time, yes, but you’re not ready for that). Start with a little eye contact and handholding and see what hap- pens from there. Between 12-25: Borderskank Well done, you’ve managed to walk the fine line between hot date and slut. Not an easy task in my experience. Occasionally you could do with reining it in a bit, but as long as you can respect yourself in the morning why should you care if your date does? Twenty-five or more: Big-time Whore As far as hot dates go, you’re untouchable—at least without gloves and a good dose of peni- cillin. If this is how you’re gonna roll, well, it’s your life, but it may start to wear thin in time. So why not try making a change now? After all, you know what they say: “You can’t teach an old whore new tricks, and new tricks don’t frequent old whores.”