— Obs ald BNLePGaInMeNG Prom Rock (A short novella on the subject of OProm) Kali Thurber A&E Editor Chapter | In which the beautiful people arrive and the festivities begin. The DSU lounge dressed up so pretty for last week’s OProm that there was literally a crowd of boys competing to be the first one to lie on her floor. They fought for her atten- tion with arm-wrestling competitions and beer-guzzling tournaments, but the DSU lounge just rippled her streamers and bounced her balloons nonchalantly. That DSU lounge, she’s such a tease. The other guests at prom were too busy flashing their dazzling smiles for each other that they did- n’t even notice how cute she was. But that’s okay, because they were all pretty bloody fabulous themselves. Honestly, who knew there were so many attractive students at Douglas College? I guess prom just brings out the best in people. Chapter 2 In which the badasses perform a silent revolt, the rough- housers get rowdy, and good food is had by all. No prom would be complete without a bat- tle between good and evil. Think about every high school teen flick you’ve ever seen. There are always two groups of people (usu- ally separated by their clothing) who take part in some kind of feud. There were the greasers and the pink ladies, the “socs” and 10 | OUnEFPPESS the greasers, the freaky arts students and the plastics, and countless And _ thankfully, OProm did not lack this vital ele- more. ment. Opposite a group of glamorously over-dressed ladies and gen- tlemen there was a select clique of badass prom attendees who revolt- ed against the extravagance of prom wear. The revolution was a’ silent, though not unacknowledged, petition that was lived out in the form of a small, purple pin that read, “Prom is so high school.” Those revolutionaries think they’re so clever. They’re not the toughest bunch, though, that’s for sure—and thank god, because we sure had our fill of rowdies that eventful evening. As Rock’n (the greatest band/theatre group that ever did live) played in their rock’n way, a bunch of tough guys transformed the dance floor in to a moshpit and proceeded in knocking shoulders with everyone within a ten-metre radius. Though I secretly feared (or maybe hoped) that some hot dog mash and tootsie roll goo would end up in a pile of vomit on the dance floor, it was great to see some peo- ple getting into the rock’n mood. Chapter 3 a In which the band slut wins Prom Queen and, in an altruistic act of good will, gives up her fame to the good people in the smoke pit. It’s a terrible shame that every girl can’t be prom queen, but when someone goes to the trouble of convincing the entire band/cast of Rock’n to sign her chest in permanent jiffy marker, I think it’s only fair that she should wear the crown for a day. It just so happens that the dedicated band slut of OProm was me. What a magnificent feeling it was to be queen for the night. Another beautiful sensation washed over me when I faux bitch-slapped the shocked second runner-up, Amanda Aikman. The glory of queendom was all super-duper, double- wow, but being the good, giving prom queen that I am, I decid- ed the best thing would be to share my new-found celebrity status with the poor common folk. So, swept up in philanthropy, I threw down my crown and broke it into a thousand pieces (OK, not quite that many) and passed them out to my loyal princesses. Though there were no awards given for my humani- OProm Babes tarian act, royal love beamed from the smokers’ deck as I congratulat- ed myself on being the best damned band slut prom queen I could be. Three cheers for OProm! karo ampa- Q Pon Prom Sis” Is for* Hebober = ab/anol