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The ultra-budget gift guide
for the ultra-thoughtful

» You might break your friendships, but at least you won't break the bank

 

Caroline Ho
Web Editor

 

 

¢ The ultra-budget gift guide for the
ultra-thoughtful

* Craig’s Book Review

e The ways people react when they don't tip
...and more

 

Illustrations by Janis McMath

 

he Christmas party invitations are rolling in, the Black

Friday flyers are proliferating, and the mall Santa’s are
suited up and ready to indoctrinate small children. Holiday
shopping season is definitely here! However, your paycheck
is not.
Let’s be real, you're a broke-ass student who has no money
or emotional energy for holiday gift-buying, but that
doesn’t mean you can't still share in the gift-swapping
spirit—otherwise how will you reap anything in return?
Instead of buying presents, consider creating them out of
what you already have, giving your gifts an unmistakably
personalized touch. Your loved ones will be speechless at
your thoughtfulness and creativity! If anyone accuses you
of being a cheapskate, just accuse them right back of being
consumerist sheeple.

FOR THE COCKTAIL-LOVING FRIEND: A single can of
Coors Light

Well, it’s not like you or anyone else was ever going to open
that can that’s been in your fridge since your first year. Tell
them that it’s a testament to their skill as a mixologist that
you think they can make something drinkable out of it.
They should be flattered, truly.

Press 1S
hiring!

Got a good scoop? Engaged in the college community?
The Other Press is looking for a News Editor.
Pay: $117.50 per issue

Send your resume, writing samples, or questions over to
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FOR THE OUTDOORSY FRIEND: A garbage bag

You know they're very conscious about picking up garbage
every time they go fora hike. With this gift, you can show
them how much you care about the planet too! If you're
really feeling fancy, wrap your garbage bag in... asecond
garbage bag.

FOR THE SOCIALIST FRIEND: Your moral support
Le. give them a card that says “F*** CAPITALISM” written
on the back of a communist newsletter that someone
handed you at the SkyTrain station.

FOR THE KIDDOS: A stick

Younger siblings, niblings, and all other child-folks

in your life will love this retro, old-fashioned form of
entertainment. It’s a relic of your own youth spent poking
things with sticks while wandering the desolate streets of
suburbia. Teach those spoiled, technologically dependent
tykes that it’s still possible to have fun without such bougie
crutches as fancy electronics and disposable income.

FOR GRANDMA: The sweater she knitted you last
Christmas

How thoughtful—a present that shows you're truly
thinking of her! It’s made out of her favourite materials

and you figure it must be already in her favourite colout...
because it’s not like puce is your favourite colour. Plus, even
if she does get upset, she'll probably just mix you up with
your cousin again anyway.

FOR YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER: Your old
toothbrush

Nothing could be more personalized! It tastes like you,

it smells like you, and it’s obviously not a last-minute-
emergency present because you've been working on it for
months in advance. Now, when you guys make out, your
partner will be so reassured knowing that you have (or
had, at least) good dental hygiene.

FOR MOM: Anall-expenses-paid, all-inclusive guilt
trip

A trip with you, her favourite (or at least second favourite,
right??) child, down the path of self-reproach. One

free opportunity for her to guilt-trip you about literally
anything— including not calling home often enough,
forgetting her birthday that one time, and not making it
into Harvard. You promise that this time you'll nod along
meekly and not protest that your sibling, who is more
financially and socially successful than you, doesn’t get
treated this way.

The Other Press

is hiring!

Are you opinionated? Passionate? Want to

a

vr

get paid for your rants and raves? .
The Other Press wants you
as our Opinions Editor.

Pay: $113.50 per issue

Email your resume, writing samples

 

or questions about the position to
editor.otherpress@gmail.com