LD & A = VOR The Hippo and the Cocktail Party Klara Woldenga Entertainment Editor he hippo did not know why he had come at this small cocktail party. Maybe it was because he felt the need to finally use his expensive evening outfit. He had spent quite a bit of money on a black tie for an event just like this: Casual cocktail hour, dressed up but not overly so. Maybe he had come because he hadn’t been out in a while. His therapist had recently told him that being out and interacting with others was very important to hippo health. Regardless, he was here now, and had to make do with the side-eyes from the guests, and the occasional spilled glasses of wine caused by others being “startled” or “bumped into” by the well- dressed water-dwelling mammal. “Ts it really true?” a guest asked him. “Are hippos as hungry as the board games suggest?” ‘Super Human part four > A short story excerpt Brittney MacDonald Life & Style Editor «€ A greed. Detective Craig Anders and Controller Dai Graydon, on this day December 14 of 2077, conclude that the assassination of Micheal Perill was performed by one Levi Holt, also known as Reaper, now deceased; and one Alyssa Noir, also known as Tarot.” He clicks off the feed, coding the upload sequence to put the recording onto the Patron City Police Department mainframe. A coroner and forensics team will be here in a matter of minutes to confirm our findings. “Can you imagine the pain involved?” he asks, and for a moment I’m unsure what he’s talking about. I turn and find him looking at Perill, unable to tell if he feels sympathy for the man or not. “Aneurysms are usually painless,” I add, but know it’s a lie. Given who this man was, and what he was trying to do, Tarot would have made it excruciating. I breathe deep, the smell of wet earth surrounding me as I look over the calm lake before me. Everything is damp and covered in rain, but not a drop falls as J sit waiting. I know what’s coming, and the need to be someplace peaceful is something I can’t deny. “Where are we?” The voice is soft and feminine, as a figure in a wool coat and a large hood moves to sit in the lawn chair beside my own. I’m smiling gently as the same aura of tranquility I felt back in the file room returns. At the time I couldn’t remember where it had come from, but now I know. It was a psychic shield Tarot uses to put people at ease. That, combined with her overall non-threatening appearance, has led many to their death. The overabundance of it in the file room suggested that she used it to subdue Perill before she tortured him. “My old house. Before my dad died in the riots we lived on a private lake,” I answer, letting my head fall back as I enjoy the cool chill of the air on my cheeks. “It’s gone now. They paved over it to build a metro station.” “That’s too bad. It’s nice here...” she murmurs, almost sounding remorseful. I open one eye, watching her. Tarot is deceptively diminutive, probably no more than five and a half feet tall and younger than most members of the Arcana. If I had to guess I would put her around the same age as myself, maybe a year or two my junior. Despite all of that, she’s one of the most powerful superhumans I’ve ever encountered, and more dangerous than the majority of the ones I’ve put behind bars. She pulls down her hood, her hair a mess of cotton candy pink pinned to the back of her head. “You dyed it again...” I yawn, trying to avoid talking about why we're really here. “Not really. I was curious to see what it’d look like, so I decided to try it out with you first,” she laughs, giving me a comically wide smile that makes me chuckle as well. “You were in bed early...” “T took a handful of Quaaludes,” I confess. “You wanted to talk.” It’s more of a statement than a question, but I nod all the same. “So did you, obviously,” I point out. She doesn’t deny it, though I know she wants to. Tarot hates anyone thinking they know her too well. But, unlike Anders, I know that whatever she may suspect about me, she will never act negatively. Contrary to myself with my equalizer collar, Tarot can look and pick apart the flawless memories I have yet to hide from my consciousness. It gives her perfect insight into what goes on at the police department, though I have tried to block her out. “You killed Perill?” I ask, already knowing the answer. The audacity, the hippo thought. Sure, hippos are hungry, they eat a lot of things. You could say that, on occasion, hippos do in fact become hungry hungry hippos, but a stranger shouldn't just feel free to ask that. The hippo made his point by wandering over to the dessert table and eating brownie after brownie until the stranger backed away slowly. The hippo could have eaten all of the brownies—all the food on the table, “Yes.” Any trace of remorse or guilt is gone from her tone. “He killed Reaper.” “You were both there to assassinate him,” I sigh, exasperated with how she seems to believe that the death of a known murderer might justify the pain she inflicted. “He deserved it, you know what he was trying to do...” she leads, but Iam too used to her propaganda to fall for it. “l’m not some kid fresh out of high school with an itch under my collar. You can’t convince me that what you did was for the good of your people.” “Our people, or are you so deep in the closet you've forgotten?” she asks, fixing me with a stare that makes a shiver crawl up my spine. She shakes her head, obviously as tired of my attitude as I am of hers. “Reaper was going to make it quick. He was going to go in, grab him, and teleport them both outside and drop him off the roof. I knew something was off...” Tarot whispers. She seems almost sad, though I can’t tell if it’s the failure of the plan, or the death of her friend that’s making her so. “Adding foresight to your abilities now?” I ask sarcastically, only realizing the moment after I say it how possible and terrifying that may be. “I don’t know. My powers are changing, adapting and getting stronger. It took me only seconds to get into your mind for this meeting.” I don’t voice how unnerved I am by that, but the way the calm water of the lake suddenly becomes choppy betrays it for me. “How much do the police know?” she asks, quickly changing the subject. “About Perill’s death, or you?” I reply. “Both.” “You know I can’t tell you that,” I sigh, shaking my head at how futile it all is. “And you know I don’t have The Other Press 1s Hiring! Open positions include: ‘The Other Press is hiring for September, and there are still many positions open for application! Send your resume, cover letter, and writing samples (if applicable) in to editor.otherpress@gmail.com by September 10. a really—but chose instead slow down and wait, just like his therapist had suggested. Stress eating is bad, he had recently learned, especially for hippos. He decided to leave with his head held high and crumbs sitting on his snout. After putting his hippo shoes back on and exiting the apartment, he took a few deep breaths in the elevator. He did eat a few people on his way home, of course. Hippos are a natural predator to humans, after all. to ask you...” she leads once more, baiting me into another argument we've had a million times before. How pro-super human rights it is to force herself into my mind and extract any information she wants against my will. “They know everything about the murder. How Holt got stuck, how Perill harpooned him, and how you killed him. There’s some speculation on if he suffered or not, it’s indeterminate...” I confess, feeling like a child being asked to recite a page of a textbook. “He did,” she says flatly. It annoys me how nonchalant she is about it. I have to constantly remind myself of how ruthless she can be. “They know youre a powerful psychic, and that youre high up in the Arcana, most believe your'e it’ leader...” I pause, looking to her for confirmation, but she only smiles innocently, something I find incredibly unsettling with how successful it is. “They know there’s twenty-one of you left, with another few hundred operating as part of the SHA...” “So they know fuck all...” she interrupts, and I can’t even conjure the will to dispute her. “They know fuck all,” I affirm, feeling a faint tingle in my fingertips that signifies I’ll wake up soon. She sighs, also aware that our time will soon end. I feel a release come over me, a psychic weight being lifted I had no inclination was there in the first place. Suddenly, all of the things that had been blocked from my memory come flooding back and I feel the power of an entire rebellion behind me. “What are your next orders?” she asks her voice fading as I slowly slip out of the dream. “We need to replace Reaper, start looking for another teleporter...” linform, already feeling her psychic fingers rearrange my awareness so I'l] forget giving the command at all come morning. Staff Reporter Staff Writers (¥Y Study finds arguments more logical the louder you yell them (¥ Megatron nostalgic for glory days (¥ Comics! And more! Too embarrassed to admit their mistake in economic planning, Alberta pulls out of climate-change plan > ‘Choosing to build Alberta on a finite resource is everyone’s problem now!’ says premier Klara Woldenga Entertainment Editor I? a shocking turn of events Alberta’s premier, Rachel Notley, has stated that she is pulling her cowboy province out of the national climate-change plan to protest the federal ruling that has halted the Trans Mountain pipeline. “We won't stand for this, the world won't stand for this,’ Notley told reporters. “Alberta is angry, and I am angry.” When asked how a large piece of Canada’s land could explain complex human emotions, let alone speak to her, she told reporters that they wouldn’t understand. “Tt’s an Albertan thing,” she said. “You don’t get our hats either.” Speaking to reporters on Wednesday, Notley said that she is demanding the Liberal government to appeal the court ruling, and to call an emergency parliament session to fix the National Energy Board in order to get those “Sweet, Local man excited to dedicate life sweet stacks flowing again.” She says she doesn’t understand the hold up, and is confused about the “Resistance towards extending a pipe that carries dangerous liquid dinosaurs from point A to point B.” “I don't get it, everyone loves dinosaurs,” she told reporters. “Our Royal Tyrrell Museum of Paleontology is one of our biggest summer attractions.” She then contorted her right hand into some-sort of dinosaur head shape and made a poor imitation of a Jurassic Park raptor noise. “We have chosen to build our province’s economy on a black and gooey finite substance,” Notley told reporters. “We're not about to own up to our mistake now that it’s running out and causing a bunch of trouble.” Notley also addressed her disappointment towards the public, to dream he did not conceive > ‘Paychecks are better than thinking!’ says man Klara Woldenga Entertainment Editor L°2 businessman Joe Ericson is as normal as it gets, and he likes it that way. “T eat the same thing for breakfast everyday: Toast on toast,” Ericson told the Other Press. “I go running on the weekends, binge on some Netflix, and sometimes even get out of the city. Not too far out though, you don't want to get too crazy on the weekends, amirite?” According to Ericson, he has worked at the same local, large-scale business for over 10 years and has no intent on stopping anytime soon. “I work nine to five for a large company, and I love it!” Ericson told the Other Press. “I just can’t understand why anyone would have a problem with this kind of lifestyle!” “He’s the best employee we have ever had,” said Ericson’s boss, Laura Hecklin. “He loves work more than anyone I have ever met. During the weekends he sits at his desk at home in his business clothes waiting for Monday to start. It’s beautiful, really.” “It’s true,” confirmed Ericson. “I just don’t know what to do with myself on the weekends. It’s scary to think about, really. What do I do when I'm not at work? Frightful Fridays and Marvelous Mondays, amirite?” “He’s sucha freak,” said Jack Logen, Ericson’s co-worker. “Who can be happy doing this desk job and nothing else? It’s soul-sucking.” According to the company’s records, Logen was fired five minutes after grumbling for creating low work morale. When asked about Logen’s firing, Hecklin replied, “This company has a Rachel notley via PremierofAlberta on Flickr telling reporters that “With all the new- fangled memes kids have nowadays, I thought the focus on this pipeline extension would have died out by now.” “T think she’s doing the right thing,” Thompson Hennar, local Albertan and cow enthusiast, told reporters. “I don’t know anything about British Columbia, or mountains—as I’ve never seen one—but I assume it’s perfectly safe and reasonable to extend the pipeline.” When asked where he lived, Hennar stated he lived on a10 acre plot of land near a beautiful stream, and if any reporters got their greasy reporting vans near his well he would shoot them. Ottawa's representatives were quick to comment, stating: “We don’t listen to anyone who makes ultimatums, or really bad Jurassic Park raptor impressions.” Despite the pus-back from her announcement,yNotley stated that she is firm on her decision, closing her latest press conference by stating: “Our province has been short-sighted for this long, and we see no reason to stop now.” zero-tolerance policy on grumblers.” After grumbling about the low morale created by grumblers, Hecklin was also fired. Instead of moving up in the company after both Logen and Hecklin were fired, Ericson chose to remain in his position and in his small cubicle filled with pencils he enjoys pushing. “I don't want to move up too quickly,” said Ericson. “Or at all, really. Life’s not all about success and growth, you know?” To the outside world, seems like Ericson has it all figured out, but he’s had a question stuck in his head for as long as he can remember: Why do other people complain about working nine to five jobs? For the past five years, Ericson has dedicated every two-week vacation he has gotten to traveling the world and scouring libraries and the Internet to find the solution to this complex question. He’s gotten close, but still feels the answer is far within reach. “T can understand not liking nine to five work, I guess,” Ericson told the Other Press. “But complaining about something and not changing it? That’s a whole ‘nother head scratcher.”