@ www theotherpress.ca

Humour

 

Hot girl sitting in front row makes boring lecture bearable

By Liam Britten
Chief Lecherous Glance Editor

n absolutely dull as
dishwater lecture on logic
and critical thinking in an

introductory philosophy class was

made slightly more tolerable by the
presence of Danielle McCosh and a
shirt that did her plenty of favours.

McCosh, 21 and beautiful as
asummer’s eve, sat in the front
row of the class, and made the day
of every male student simply by
being there, and letting everyone
stare longingly at her without her
knowledge.

“Tf there wasn’t a smokin’ hot
chick sitting in the front row to
daydream over, I’d probably have
to pay attention in class,” said Dave
Winston, a classmate of McCosh’s.
“Thanks to Danielle, that wasn’t
necessary.”

My Prospective Perspective

I don’t give a god damn what the S
‘op’ isn’t a word... this is bullshit

By Reilly MacNaught
Amateur Scrabble Player

ell me you're not playing
that. “Op?” You’re God
damn kidding me, right?

You seriously think “op” is a
word, huh? Define “op,” then, Mr.
Webster. Enlighten me. Because
I'm telling you right fucking now,
that isn’t a word.

Oh, it’s an abbreviation,
alright—agreed, for sure—but
you know sure as shit that
abbreviations aren’t allowed in an
honest man’s game of Scrabble.
This is turning into amateur hour
over here, this game. If you think
you can play abbreviations in an
honest man’s game of Scrabble,
you are out of your mind.

Fine. If you insist on playing
that crap, I will challenge. Straight
up. Try me.

Oh, it’s like that, huh? You’re
going to play it? Fine. Challenge,
bitch!

Just take the tiles off right
now. You've lost. The official
Scrabble dictionary can’t help you
now. Your momma can’t help you
now. That word is coming off the
board, I’m going to get the triple
word score you tried to take with
your BS tactics, and I am going
to make you my Scrabble bitch.
What?

No... what the fuck?! What
is “op” doing there? “Op” isn’t a
word! This is crap.

No! Take off the letters! It’s got
to be a mistake. Take that shit off.
I'll look it up in the dictionary. A
real dictionary, God damn it!

In fact, none of the male
students interviewed by The Other
Press after the lecture were focused
on their studies at all. Of the 22
male students in the class, seven
reported that they were looking
at her golden, flowing hair and

obviously way smart. We'd be
perfect together: she’s beautiful,
smart, funny—probably—and I like
all of those things.”

Greg Cotsonika, seated a row
behind McCosh, told The Other
Press that he was able to catch a

“One student, who preferred to remain anonymous, said that he was going
to do his term paper about how she smelled like flowers.’

admiring its streaks. A further five
said that they were imagining that

she probably has a great personality

and likes really cool bands like the
Shout Out Louds or Tokyo Police
Club.

“She’s got it all—I assume,”
said another classmate, Peter
Chung. “I mean, did you see the
glasses she was wearing? She’s

glimpse of the outline of her breasts
briefly.

“T love her. A lot,” he said.

A quick survey of the notes
taken by the various students in
the class was found that they were
mostly comprised of poems and
crude, sexual drawings involving
McCosh. One student, who
preferred to remain anonymous,

said that he was going to do his
term paper about how she smelled
like flowers.

“T want her so bad,” reported
the anonymous student, believed to
be 26-year-old John Mueller of Port
Coquitlam.

None of the students in
attendance had notes relating to
the lecture’s topics, as none of the
topics discussed were related to
McCosh, her great body, or her
radiant beauty.

“As students, our time is
valuable. Professors can’t just go
on and on about things that have
no relevance in our lives. We have
to focus on the important issues:
issues like, ‘does Danielle have a
boyfriend?” said Cotsonika.

As of press time, McCosh had
no comment, but was reportedly
considering filing a restraining
order against her classmates.

 

crabble dictionary says,

Okay... op... op... op...
alright, here we are: oops, oops
daisy, ooze... op?! You’ve got to
be kidding me! “Operation, in
surgical and military senses.”
That's crap! How is that not an
abbreviation?

Wait, it says here that it’s
“informal.” Informal! And let’s
see... the dictionary’s guide says
that words labelled “informal”
are, and J quote, “a use that is
normally restricted to informal,
especially spoken English.” Ha!

So there we go! It’s an
informal word. Take that shit off.
You just lost your turn, bitch!

Wait... you other guys are
going to let this stand? This is a
joke, right? The Canadian Oxford
Dictionary, the highest reference
guide in the land, second edition,
no less, says that word is informal.
We can’t let people play informal
words, right? Think about the
integrity of the game! We can’t
let our Thursday night Scrabble
game devolve into some bush
league shit, right guys? If we let
informal words enter the game,
what's next? Proper nouns? Latin
words? For God’s sake, this is the
beautiful game we're talking about
here! She must remain pure!

Oh, so it’s like that, huh? I’m
losing my turn? Fine. Fuck this.
Let’s play Risk.

 

 

With files from Liam Britten.

Continued on pg.25

 

Porn Warning

ob

on his computer.

WARNING! Your son Jeremy has downloaded Lusty Lesbians 3

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