Payback ’s a Bitch

 

UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan is under a hail-
storm of hard times, and calls for his resignation are
pelting the 2001 winner of the Nobel Peace Prize. Of
course, all of the stones are being thrown by US

Republicans, most notably Minnesota senator Norm
Coleman, who heads a committee investigating the
oil-for-food program.

As a way to mitigate the cost of sanctions
imposed on Iraq after the first Gulf War, the UN set
up the oil-for-food program, which allowed some of
Hussein’s oil to be sold in return for food and med-
ical supplies for Iraqi civilians. Sixty-four billion
dollars were spent on the program, and it now
appears that Hussein embezzled $20 billion of that
amount. Hussein even bribed the head of the pro-
gram, and there are allegations that Annan’s own son
was bought off by a Swiss firm that held an oil-for-
food contract.

In his seven-year tenure as Secretary-General,
Annan has presided over many ugly events. He
watched 20,000 Bosnian men and boys be slaugh-
tered while they were in a so-called UN safe zone, did
nothing for 800,000 dead Rwandans (despite
Canadian Major-General Romeo Dallaire’s pleas for
help), and has ignored accusations of sexual harass-
ment against a senior UN staffer.

However, the soft-spoken man from Ghana has
more friends than enemies, and this attack on his
credibility seems to be more about vilification than
validity. In the week before the US election, Annan
told reporters that he believed the US invasion of
Iraq was illegal—a clear attempt to push John Kerry
over the top. It didn’t work, and now it’s payback.

The White House has remained mum on the sub-
ject, with Bush saying only that “we are deeply
troubled by what happened (with) the oil-for-food
program,” while Security Council members Britain,
Germany, France, Russia, and China have all
endorsed Annan and offered support in the past
week. It seems like it’s only ever an issue if it’s on Fox
News.

pecember 8/2000

News Wears Short Shorts

Brandon Ferguson, News Editor

With Friends Like These...

Whew, we made it. We made it
through Bush’s visit without giving
up any more than a national soap-
box for an international press
conference. We caught the eye of
CNN’s Tucker Carlson. We didn’t
even break much stuff and we
weren't the site of Dubya’s Dallas
(despite the Tourette’s-induced talk
of assassinations by a chatty fellow
on my bus home last Monday). But,
most importantly, we got to be the
first stop on a “diplomatic goodwill
tour.” The visit had both the light-
hearted—“I want to thank the
Canadian people who came out to
wave...with all five fingers,’ said
Bush, heh heh—and the open-
handed—‘T’'m the kinda fella who
does what I think is right.”

At a Tuesday night dinner, held
at the Museum of Civilization (life
in a nutshell?), President Bush, PM
Paul Martin, and 700 better-than-
you-and-me’s dined on roasted
apple and butternut-squash bisque,
and drank red wine worth more than

 

 

your car.

In the streets, Naomi Klein,
union leaders, and over 5,000 people
with nothing better to do on a
Tuesday afternoon, gathered and
jockeyed good-naturedly with riot
police and live-camera feeds to once
again prove the point that nobody’s
listening.

On Wednesday, Bush told
Canadians to their faces that he
expects Canada to get on board with
the ballistic missile-defense shield.
Using our own words against us to
implore more action, Bush quoted
McKenzie King, PM during the
Second World War. “We cannot
defend our country and save our
homes and families by waiting for

the enemy to attack us. To remain
on the defensive is the surest way to
bring the war to Canada. We must
also go out and meet the enemy
before he reaches our shores.” This
was a great point—when our enemy
was a mobilized nation with the full
financial support that comes with
industry and populace. Not so much
when it’s a bunch of bearded bible
thumpers with pea shooters and no
known address.

However, the tone of Bush’s
speech was mostly conciliatory,
directly addressing the disagree-
ments of the last few years and
stressing an unwavering friendship
that is the envy of human history.
Yippee.

 

 

But the Roughriders
Still Suck Ass

In an epic conclusion to the ongoing
CBC saga, The Greatest Canadian, for-
mer Saskatchewan premier Tommy
Douglas was voted the best ever.
The “father of healthcare” was fol-
lowed by local boy Terry Fox and
former Prime Minister Pierre
Trudeau. Over 1.2 million votes were
cast.

The series wrapped up with a
two-hour brawl for it all between
Canadian personalities pitching on
behalf of their chosen great.
MuchMusic VJ, George Strmblpls
(name shortened to fit on the page),
backed Douglas and got into heated
exchanges with the CBC’s Rex
Murphy, who stood for Trudeau. VJ
George flashed his Care Card and
claimed that Douglas laid the foun-
dation for all of Trudeau’s ideas.
Retorted Murphy: “There is a differ-
ence between the fertilizer and the
tree.”

Other famous people attempting
to string words together on their
pick’s behalf were: Bret “The

Hitman” Hart (for Don Cherry),
Deborah Gray (Wayne Gretzky),
Sook-Yin Lee (Terry Fox), and
Melissa Auf der Maur (David
Suzuki). Most were unsuccessful.
Bret Hart
like a by-now-retarded ex-wrestler.
Deborah Gray refuted Douglas’
merits, saying: sure, universal health
cate sounds good—on paper. Gray
was summarily booed by the audi-
ence. Melissa Auf der Maur, who’s
recently released solo album is clev-
erly entitled Auf der Maur, looked
and sounded every bit as smart as
someone who bounced between
Courtney Love and James Iha. And
sweet Sook-Yin Lee took advantage
of the opportunity to be on televi-
sion again by calling our founding
father Sir John A. MacDonald a
drunk, racist pinko. Which is actually
true, but still somehow too harsh.
In the end, Canada’s love affair
with universal healthcare was reaf-
firmed, and someone from
Saskatchewan finally won something,
Which is kind of funny, because in a
recent Supreme-Court ruling on the
funding of treatments for autistic

looked very much

 

children, the highest court said that
“universal” healthcare was a mis-
nomer—it is up to the federal
government to provide core services,
while each province can choose to
fund (or in this case, not fund) what-
ever treatment falls outside the lines

of cote services.

So, congrats to the greatest
Canadian ever: Tommy “The Father
of Core Service Healthcare”
Douglas. (And congrats to me, for
pompously proclaiming that Gretzky
would win this contest in a stereo-
typical no-brainer—The Wayner
came dead last.)

OunePPPess | 7